"Sir, have some marshmallows." Gia offered as I settled down on a chair in front of the bonfire. I threw her a smile and shook my head. I didn't like those soft marshmallows.
"What are you all discussing?" I asked, looking around, counting if all were there or not.
"Oh, we were just discussing about our plans for tomorrow. Hiking should be fun." Jay grinned.
I nodded. "Okay, continue."
They dived back in their discussion. I stared at the burning flames, zoning out. He was already gone when I woke up. Mr. Leo said he left for the nearby town to use the internet cafe to send some mails. I was a little disappointed as he didn't tell me anything. I could have gone with him.
I got up and walked back to my tent. Mr. Leo was talking over the phone. I sat on the bed and fished my own phone out. I texted Kao when he will be back. The warmth from the bonfire ran down and the chill started to enter back.
"Mr. Kwan, Miss. Rossiea wants to talk to you." Mr. Leo held out his phone for me.
I took it. "Good evening Victoria." Mr. Leo threw me a weird look as I greeted her.
"Kwan, how is everything going?" She asked, sounding excited.
"Smooth till now. The students are more well-behaved than I imagined."
She chuckled. "Of course. Have fun."
"Sure." I said.
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight." I said and handed Mr. Leo his phone back.
He was staring at me with a blank expression as he took his phone from me.
"What?" I asked, feeling conscious.
"She lets you call her by her name?" He asked.
I nodded. "Yes, from the very first day itself."
"Wow, that's weird. She has never let anyone call her by her first name." He frowned.
I shrugged my shoulders.
It was already dinner time and Kao hadn't come back. No replies came for my texts either. It was getting late. Mr. Leo and I had our dinner together with the students and slowly, I was running out of patience. After dinner, I excused myself to the big single pine tree at the isolated location behind the tents and called him. I tapped my feet on the ground impatiently as several rings went by.
Just when I thought he wouldn't pick up, the other end clicked.
"Hey...Kwan." He greeted.
"Yeah hi." I said, controlling myself from bursting out my bunch of questions. "Where are you?" I asked, quietly.
"Hm...judging from your quiet tone, you are mad. You haven't changed at all." He chuckled. I could hear the sounds of horn in the background which meant he was still on the road.
I let out a sigh. How did he know? "When are you coming back?"
"I am on my way. Um I figured you all must have eaten already so I had my dinner."
"Okay."
"Kwan?" He called.
"Hm?"
"Nothing."
I closed my eyes, rubbing my temple.
"Okay, I will see you within half an hour or so."
"Okay." I said quietly.
"See ya then." He hanged up and I stared at the dark stretching forest just sixty meters away from me. I looked up at the clear sky and let out a sigh, my breath turning into mist in the air.
I went back and checked on the students again before handing them over to Mr. Leo. I headed towards the empty medical tent. The nurse was enjoying with the with students. I sat on a chair outside and tent and waited, staring up at the sky full of twinkling stars. I checked my phone. The network actually sucked.
Sitting alone in peace, I dived into the ocean of my thoughts. I went back to six years when I first met him. So much had changed in the mean time. Our personalities were not same anymore. I never thought I would see him again. It's like fate had twisted plans for both of us. Like a roller coaster ride, we felt euphoric at the beginning then fear as we continued, then the sudden halt filled me up with so much pain that I thought I could never get back from the bottom. Finally after trying out so much, when I thought I could move on with life, fate brought him in front of me again. I didn't know what it meant. But I didn't want to lose my chance again. There must be a reason why we came across each other again. Maybe this was a sign for me to heal the wound I had been trying to cover for those years.
"Oh, what are you doing out in the cold?"
I looked up and met his concerned eyes.
"You will catch a cold. Come, let's head in." He said, walking in the tent. I jolted up after him.
We got in his chamber tent and I zipped the tent lock.
"Where did you go?" I asked, watching him open his scarf and neatly placing it on the small table.
He turned around to face me. The look in his eyes were different. "Something came up."
I frowned. "Did you go to the internet cafe?"
He smiled, sitting on the bed. "Come here." He patted the space beside him.
I looked at him for a brief moment then went to sit by him. I was growing impatient. Had he been always so mysterious?
My whole body electrocuted as he placed his hand over mine. I turned my head sharply to look at him. He intertwined our fingers and threw me a soft smile. Was he drunk?
"Why are you mad?" He asked.
Crap. What should I say? I was mad because I missed him? Because I wanted to see him and he wasn't there? That would sound too stupid even though it was the truth.
"Will you just tell me why and where did you go?" I asked.
"To meet a friend. He just returned from abroad. It's been five or six years I guess." He stared at the corner with a blank expression, as if he wasn't so pleased.
I finally could breath after quenching my curiosity. "Oh...Who? Your that so-called best friend who helped a girl but not you during your exams?" I laughed jokingly to lighten the mood.
But he didn't seem amused. Instead, he stared at me with wide eyes. "How did you know?"
I frowned. "Oh, it's really him." I was just saying.
He nodded. "I am actually surprised you still remember."
I smiled, giving his hand a squeeze. "You will be shocked at what more I can remember."
He stared at me, his cheeks and ears turning red.
I smiled and quickly stole a kiss on his cheek.
He blushed scarlet, avoiding my eyes.
"You should have taken me with you. It's not safe to drive alone in the woods." I said.
For some reason, his face dropped visibly. Crap. I didn't want to spoil the mood anymore. I didn't know what was wrong but I didn't want things to go wrong.
"Hey, you always said you wanted to talk with me under the stars. Wanna do it tonight?" I asked.
He broke into a shy smile and nodded.
I checked the time again and it was almost one. Me and Kao had been chatting over text like old days, catching into each other's life. It was amazing how much we could share in text but not in real. Texting behind a screen gave a sense of courage to say things that we wouldn't dare to say on the face. On a positive note, it was good.
Hey, it's almost one. Wanna go out now?
What is we get caught?
Lol. Come on out.
I laughed quietly at his text. He was afraid of getting caught. But by who? Carefully I sat up on the bed, eyeing Mr. Leo. He was fast asleep, snoring lightly. I wore up boots as quietly as possible. I grabbed my coat and with a last careful look at Mr. Leo, I left. It was all foggy outside. The cold wind burned my nostrils. I managed to find the doctor's chamber and gave him a missed call. After a moment, he walked out and shuddered.
"Too cold." He said, walking towards me.
"Come here." I said, pulling him under my arm, closer to my body.
He snickered. "Now it's warm."
We found a nice place away from the tents. Surprisingly there was a small stage out of nowhere. It was probably for performances for tourists. The camping site was a famous tourist spot. So we both sat down on the stage and looked at the sky. I had my arm wrapped around him, keeping him warm.
"Is this what you wanted to do? Talk under the stars?" I asked, staring at a star that seemed to be twinkling.
He nodded with a sigh. "Yes. It feels great."
"So the moon have finally met the earth. And I think they are meant to be together." I muttered.
He turned to look at me with wide eyes. "Why do you remember so much? For a moment I was dazed and confused but...wow...you do remember a lot of things. You are speaking as if it was just yesterday I said that."
I grinned. "Try me."
He laughed and looked away.
Silence enveloped us and as always, it was a comfortable silence. We both stared at the sky and unspoken words spoke a lot.
"So tell me a tale." I said, breaking the silence.
"A tale?"
"A tale that I deserve to know. I promise not to judge any part of it. I just want to listen to your story." I said, reaching to hold his hand in mine.
His eyes fell on the ground and I felt his body tensing up. I leaned closer and placed a soft kiss at the side of his head.
"You can tell me anything, you know." I said.
He placed his head on my shoulder with a sigh. I stayed quiet. I didn't want to force him anymore. If he didn't want to speak, it was okay. I didn't expect him to say anything but he broke the silence and began. "I don't know where to start, Kwan." He said and taking my name aloud meant that he was serious.
"You can take your time, Kao. We have lots of time, we do." Yes, this time we had time. We had time to do a lot of things.
He squeezed my hand and began after a moment. "I...I was mad that day. You refused to tell you love me back so I wanted to play hard to get, at least for once. So I didn't read your texts intentionally. I was upset that you didn't text a lot but I just wanted to stay mad. By the evening, I gave up. I missed you a lot so I decided to have an understanding chat in the evening. However, something happened in the evening." He paused for a moment then continued.
"I had some cousins come over. We were all hanging out in the hall that evening. I don't know how but one cousin knew my phone pass code. I went to use the washroom for a moment and they got a hold of my phone. They just wanted to know if I was dating anyone because they thought my behavior was weird for the last few months and I wasn't answering them about my relationship."
"They...saw photos first. You don't know, Kwan, but I did take photos of you while you were sleeping." He turned to look at me. I knew where it was heading. "I took some selfies together. They saw it. Then they checked my chats. Our chat was starred on top. They went to old chats and you know how our old chats were." I held my breath. "They freaked out. They found it disgusting." His voice dropped low. "They told my parents."
I pulled him closer, rubbing his shoulder to soothe him. He continued. "My parents freaked out too. There only son came out gay. My dad freaked more and seized my phone first and that was when your call came. They knew it was you. They kept the phone on but neither picked your call up nor let me do it. I tried to confront them but...my dad kicked me out of the house. They took my phone. I...had nothing else to contact you."
"It's okay. It's okay." I muttered as his voice broke.
He continued. "I asked help from Zeel. He was supportive irrespective of who I liked. He even talked with my parents on getting my phone back. It angered them so much that they broke my phone and blocked that number. I...I couldn't believe it. It was strange how I was connected to you through a small string and once that string was gone, I lost you completely. It didn't draw in at first but with time, I started to lose my mind. It drew in that I had lost you. I had nothing else anymore. I went crazy. I couldn't find you anywhere. I felt helpless...A few days later after being grounded, my family sent me into an institution for therapy. They thought I was sick. Being different was sick. I stayed there for more than a year with no contact with anyone outside. I really thought I had gone mad with all those tortures they did in the name of treatment…" He leaned closer to me and I pulled him into a side hug. "I am sorry, Kwan. I am so sorry." He sniffled. "I lost my mind. I lost the most precious thing to me. I was not at the right state to think straight. There was so much going on in my life."
"It's alright, Kao. I understand it was tough." My heart felt heavier.
"After I was released, I-I forced Zeel, my best friend t-to sleep with m-me. I-I was just not at the right state. I grew confused if all of that were real. If you were real. I am sorry. I am really sorry." He started to sob loudly.
It struck me like lightening. I froze. Was he apologizing for sleeping with his best friend after losing me? But...
He sobbed lightly. "Please say something, Kwan. I can understand if you feel disgusted and mad about it. I am really sorry."
"Why would you sleep with him after you lost me?" I asked with a tight throat.
"I am sorry, Kwan. I am sorry. I was so embarrassed to contact you again, so guilty with my own actions that I typed your number several times but never found the courage to press dial. I thought you would be better off with someone else by then. You were young and I thought you must have moved on already. I am sorry…" He apologized again and again but I was too shocked and hurt to speak. Why would he sleep with someone else right after he had lost me?
"How long did it continue?" I asked, knowing for sure it wouldn't just be once.
"I am sorry..."
"How long did it continue?" I repeated, getting mad.
"A year." He answered in a small voice.
I sighed, my eyes tearing up. My heart couldn't handle it anymore. I loosened my grip on him, letting my arms fall off him.
He turned his body towards me. "I am really sorry, Kwan. I was just helpless and depressed."
"I couldn't even move on for a year." I said, swallowing the lump in my throat.
His tears flowed down more but I didn't want to wipe them. I know I promised not to judge him but I felt betrayed. I felt like I was the only one who was mourning from our sudden separation. Maybe it was only hard for me. I was the one suffering the most.
"Kwan, please..." He clutched my hand. "Please...don't...leave me." He pleaded.
In that moment, that was the strongest feeling I had. To leave him for the betrayal I felt.
"I...I don't want to talk about it anymore." I said, wiping my tears. "Don't..." I said, pulling my hand away from him.
I could see the heartbreak on his face but what about my bitter feeling towards his confession? I didn't have the will to sympathize with him. I didn't want any justification for his actions. I just...needed to go. I was getting mad and I had no idea what I would do.
"Kwan." He called in a small voice.
"I need to g-" Before I could complete my sentence, he crushed his lips against mine, kissing me with a sense of urgency. He almost climbed on my lap. I pulled away but he didn't stop. He was not stopping no matter what I did. I pushed him away by the chest and he looked at me with shocked wide eyes. I realized I must have pushed him too hard.
"Behave Kao." I said, getting on my feet.
"Please don't leave me." He begged with tears flowing down his cheeks.
I turned around to leave. "I...I am not leaving you. Just give me time with my own thoughts." I said, before walking back to my tent, wiping the river of tears on the way.