"It's too quiet…" Nami said, as she squinted her eyes at the sky and sea before the ship.
"We aren't in the calm belt, Nami. We've got too much wind for that," Usopp said, shuddering at the very idea of winding up in that desolate stretch of sea. He clicked his tongue as he realized he'd messed up his little wooden duck carving.
"I know that, Usopp," Nami rolled her eyes. "I mean that we haven't seen a single bit of bad weather for three whole days!"
"That's good isn't it?" Luffy asked.
"Yes, it's good!" Nami threw her hands up in frustration.
"Then what's the problem?" Cabernet asked, looking up from her toenails which were being painted by Pudding.
"Nothing!" Nami whirled around to glare at the rest of the crew. "That's the problem!"
"I don't get it." Chopper looked over at Brook. "Do you get it?"
Brook shook his head.
"Good doesn't happen to us when we're sailing on the Grand Line! It's always something! Some wild storm we have to avoid or running low on food or somebody coming down with a parasitic algae infection! Something!" Nami complained.
"Had to happen sometime, right?" Luffy suggested, looking at her upside from his perch on the Thousand Sunny's lion figurehead.
"Luffy's right," Reiju sipped her tea, turning a page on the book she was reading. Nami was about 60% sure the book was some sort of high class smut. "Having a dry spell of craziness on the Grand Line is all part of the chaos. It just happens sometimes."
Seeing everyone agree that nothing was perfectly fine, Nami was starting to feel even more anxious, rather than less so.
"Sanji, back me up!" Nami ordered.
"Nami-swan~ is absolutely correct! There's an invisible cyclone out there just waiting for us to let our guards down before it strikes!" Sanji obediently declared, his posture straighter than the most elite marines.
"See? Sanji agrees with me, and he's in the top three of our most sensible crewmates." Nami looked awfully smug about that, despite the fact that everyone had seen what she just did.
"Who are the other two?" Cherry stepped out onto the deck, shaking her hair dry from her bath.
"Myself, followed by Robin, then Sanji," Nami counted on her fingers as she went. "Usopp used to be number three, but he sided against me."
"All I did was say we aren't in the calm belt!" Usopp defended himself with a betrayed look.
"And you said that to the ship's navigator," Nami said.
"Fair point," Usopp sat his ass back down and went back to whittling.
"Where do I rank, though?" Cherry inquired, making it clear that was the only part she cared about.
"Dead. Last." Nami enunciated.
"Well, that's just rude," Cherry scoffed. "And true, but still rude!"
"The point is-!" Nami steered the conversation back to her totally reasonable concerns about the streak of perfect days at sea that she hadn't seen since she left East Blue. "-That all this nothing is going to become something at some point, and I'm the only one who's on the lookout."
"Isn't Zoro on the lookout?" Reiju glanced up to the crow's nest, a faint blush on her cheeks which made Nami's guess about her book rise to an 80% chance of smut.
"Why don't you go check," Nami crossed her arms.
After a few seconds of staring at each other, Reiju realized she was serious. Not wanting to start a fight, she folded a corner of the page she was on and snapped her book shut.
Nami watched her climb up to the top of the main mast at a speed that made her a little jealous of how effortless the woman made it look. Reiju popped the trapdoor open and looked inside.
Then Reiju popped her head back down, looked Nami in the eye, and said, "He's asleep."
"""We know,""" Most of the Straw Hats said in unison.
That made Reiju giggle and she hopped back down. "You could have just said as much, you know. I'd believe you."
"To be fair, Zoro consigns himself to lookout duty most nights. He's weirdly dedicated to it," Cherry pointed out.
"Right, so that's another vote in my favor," Nami shamelessly took the unoffered support of their resident swordsman.
"Baaah," Merry bleated.
"Merry agrees with me too!" Nami pointed at the sheep.
"Actually-" Chopper tried to translate, only for Nami to leap over and cover his mouth.
"Personally," Jinbe piped up from the helm. "As the helmsman, I'm inclined to trust our navigator before anyone else on such matters."
"And as the trainee back-up helmsrabbit, I'm inclined to agree with everything Jinbe says!" Carrot dutifully fell in lock step.
"Yes!" Nami cheered.
"However," Jinbe began.
"However…?" Nami's excitement dimmed slightly.
"I would like to know what your plan is to deal with all this… nothing," Jinbe finished.
"Well…!" Nami started, only to realize that she didn't know. The problem with nothing was that there wasn't much you could do about it. "Well…"
"Clearly the solution is to create our own problems," Cherry proposed. "Luffy, come here. I'm gonna chuck you as far as I can off the ship!"
"Okay," Luffy stood up.
"No!" Nami drop kicked her captain, something that constituted insubordination on most ships.
Unfortunately, whilst her intention was to prevent Luffy from being launched overboard, her actions inadvertently sent Luffy tumbling right over the railing and into the drink.
"What the hell is wrong with me?!" Nami's regret was instant and soul crushing.
"Wow, Nami, I was just joking," Cherry whistled. "I'm impressed at your dedication to chaos."
"I didn't mean to!" Nami cried.
"Did I miss something?" Robin stepped out onto the deck wearing a bath robe, an extra pair of arms on her shoulders drying her hair with a towel.
"Nami is attempting a mutiny," Cherry filled her in.
"I am not!" Nami shouted. "Go save Luffy before he drowns!"
"Jinbe jumped overboard as soon as I suggested tossing Luffy, relax," Cherry rubbed the side of her nose. "Have a little faith in our fishy friend. He knows what his main duty is."
That was a great relief; Nami hadn't even noticed him go. Seeing Carrot at the helm with stars in her eyes only further settled her heart, since you never knew when Cherry was just flat out lying to your face.
Of course, it was right at that moment that something tickled at the back of Nami's mind.
She didn't recognize what it was at first, so little experience that she had with haki; but when it clicked, it clicked hard.
"Get us out of here!" Nami leapt to her feet.
To the crew's credit, they were immediately in motion, rushing to their stations. No matter how much of a hard time they gave her sometimes, they knew when she was serious and knew that they needed to be serious as well.
"Jinbe hasn't gotten Luffy back on board yet!" Usopp shouted.
"Jinbe can handle himself! We have to get the ship away from here!" Nami declared, her observation haki, weather knowledge, and overall instincts painting a picture that she didn't like one bit!
"Franky took the Shark Submerge out for a spin about half an hour ago," Cherry said.
"""WHAT?!?!?!""" a few cries of alarm rang out.
"Why the hell did he do that! This is the Grand Line, damn it! You never know when things will change!" Nami pulled at her hair.
"He's still attached to the ship by the chain-reinforced air line," Cherry explained. "Worst case, he's in for a bumpy ride."
Nami grabbed her by the collar. "This isn't going to be a 'bumpy ride'! We're right beneath a damned knock up stream!"
"""NO WAY!!!""" Usopp, Chopper, and Sanji panicked.
"A what?" Cherry tilted her head in confusion.