[Edward's POV]
Friday afternoon. I rode a horse across the open pasture, a cowboy hat shading my eyes from the sun. Pulling the reins, I brought the horse to a gentle stop, swung down, and strolled over to the girl sitting on a picnic mat, food neatly laid out around her.
"M'lady," I said with a playful bow, settling beside Vanessa. She wore an off-shoulder white dress and a wide sunhat, her caramel skin glowing in the golden light. With a soft smile, she stood and fed the horse a few carrots.
"You know," she murmured, watching the horse chew lazily, "this kind of life isn't bad at all."
I nodded, already halfway through a finger sandwich. A gentle breeze carried the scent of wild grass and mountain air. In the distance, cows grazed under an endless blue sky.
"Yeah, it kinda grows on you," I said, pouring coffee from the thermos into a tin cup. "When I retire, I think I'll be a rancher."
Vanessa sat back down beside me, leaning in and resting her head on my shoulder.
"A rancher, huh? Well… as long as I can still shop online, I'm in."
I chuckled. "When did I say I was going to live with you?"
"Don't ruin my fantasy, Newgate," she said with a pout, playfully dramatic.
Laughing, I tucked a windblown strand of her hair behind her ear. She blushed, tilting her head toward me. I leaned in and kissed her — soft and sweet.
Suddenly, a black horse thundered past, kicking up dust. Jacob clung to the saddle, arms flailing.
"ED! SAVE MEEE!"
"HOLD THE REINS!" I shouted, snapping out of the kiss. I looked at Vanessa. "I'll be right back."
She laughed, reclining on the mat. "Okay. I'll wait for you."
My friends had flown in for the wedding. I was teaching Jacob how to ride the moment I landed in Wisconsin that morning. Enid kept making Brokeback Mountain jokes since we were both dressed like ranchers.
I had taken a few trail rides with Enid and Jenna earlier, but I really just wanted a quiet afternoon with my girlfriend.
Jacob hadn't interrupted on purpose. Luke had set off a firecracker that spooked the horse, sending Jacob hurtling across the pasture — three miles from the ranch. I helped him back to the house before returning to the picnic.
"You're really late," Vanessa grumbled, wiping sweat from her forehead. The sun was brutal now.
"Let's find some shade," I said, helping her up onto the horse.
"Should we go to a giant hay bale and do it there?" she teased, squeezing my butt.
"What, just Brokeback it? Wait… did they even do that in the movie? I've never seen it."
"I haven't either," she shrugged. "So who knows?"
"Well, whatever. I'm still going to break your back next to that hay—" I paused. "Okay. That sounded way more tortury than sexy."
Vanessa burst out laughing, nearly falling off the horse if I hadn't caught her.
"You know," she said, wiping tears from her eyes, "I expected you to be all busy with wedding stuff. But here you are, just lounging."
"I did have some responsibilities. I offered to help Haley with the bridesmaids' dresses, maybe even plan Dad's bachelor party. But my ideas got vetoed."
Vanessa raised an eyebrow. "Because of the whole kidnapping thing?"
"They didn't say it, but yeah. Everyone wants me to chill for now," I smiled. "So I guess I'm officially slacking off."
[Abed's Documentary – Commentary]
Abed sat in front of the camera with the wedding venue behind him — a scenic cliffside reception area overlooking the mountains.
Although the backdrop screamed wedding, his commentary had nothing to do with romance.
"Usually, when an action hero hangs up his cape, it signals the end of the story. But for the first time in cinematic history, we're documenting what happens after the credits roll."
Cut to Edward riding solo, leading cows across the pasture.
"For the next two weeks," Abed continued, "I will closely observe the subject, cataloging the minute changes in mentality, physicality, and behavior… to see if the experience has truly changed him."
Troy suddenly jumped into frame.
"You are finishing the actual documentary too, right?"
Startled, Abed nodded. "Oh yeah, totally. I've already shot most of the key footage. I even sent a team to interview the President."
"You're skipping the President? But he's President Batman! We're both huge fans!"
Abed replied solemnly, "Compared to Edward… he's not as compelling."
Troy gasped. "But he's the first Black President! I'm a Black young adult! He means everything to me!"
Troy stormed off, devastated. Abed turned to the camera and held up a finger. "Be right back."
[Documentary paused]
Back at the ranch, Claire and Frankie lounged on the living room couch while Dad and Phil chatted nearby.
"A bachelor party? I don't need one," Dad said, grimacing as Phil pitched the idea.
Phil laughed. "Nice try, Ted. You said that… like you had a choice."
Frankie chimed in with a teasing smile, "Besides, you didn't say you don't want one."
Dad looked to her. "Do you want me to have one?"
Frankie answered sweetly, "Whatever makes you happy, honey. This is your special day too."
"That's code for: 'No strippers, just steak and scotch, you jackass,'" I said as I walked by.
Frankie giggled, her hand resting on her baby bump while Dad stood speechless.
Outside the barn, my guy friends — Troy, Abed, Finneas, and Jacob — were drinking beers. It was still 4 in the evening, but there wasn't a lot of stuff to do at the ranch.
"Half of you aren't even legal to drink," I joked, grabbing a can for myself. Finneas and Jacob rolled their eyes.
"So, where are we going?" Finneas asked.
Jacob cut in with a scowl, "Who cares? The girls are off having their night out — we deserve one too."
Finneas grimaced. "You're just mad your girlfriend doesn't want to hook up in the barn tonight."
"She said that'd be crossing the line — even though we've done it in the school gym, locker room, swimming pool, Edward's sauna, the teacher's lounge, even the hallway."
Finneas gaped. Troy, impressed beyond belief, gave Jacob a high five — then broke into inexplicable tears.
"I mean, I'd heard about my place," I said dryly. "We'll come back to that. But the teacher's lounge? Really?" I narrowed my eyes, intrigued.
"Well, no one's around at night. We broke in and did it on top of Mrs. Jackson's desk," Jacob bragged although I knew for sure Elsa would kill him if she knew he told everyone.
Finneas muttered bitterly, "If only I still had a girlfriend."
"Troy, why are you crying?" I asked as I saw Abed patting his back comfortingly.
"He wants to meet the President," Abed replied while Troy continued sobbing.
"You guys are interviewing him at the White House, right? Just… go?" I asked, genuinely confused.
"Well, I sent a different crew," Abed said. "Since we're attending the wedding."
"I'll miss his autograph!" Troy wailed.
I sighed. "Troy, I'm meeting the President next Thursday. We're flying to Cuba together to help ease tensions. Come with me — we'll be on Air Force One. If you can get on it. Otherwise you can meet him at the airport."
[Abed's Documentary Commentary]
"His experiences didn't strip him of empathy. If anything, they heightened it," Abed said, recording himself on his phone.
"Although I'm still holding on to making a conclusion. Edward is a natural problem solver. And the issue was easy to solve."
He paused thoughtfully. "I wonder what Troy will say when he finds out I didn't send anyone else to the interview. I'm going... right after the wedding."
[End Commentary]
"Edward, what do you want to do tonight?" Jacob asked once Troy stopped crying, holding on to my promise.
Though… I wasn't sure Troy meeting the President would go well. He froze when he met LeVar Burton, after all.
"I wanted to try cow tipping. I want to see if it's a myth." I said.
"I'm in," Abed said immediately. "Scientific curiosity."
"Count me in too. I want to see if I'm faster than a bull," Jacob said, cracking his knuckles like a boxer challenging a beast.
"You said 'wanted.' So you want to do something else?" Finneas caught on.
I nodded and said, "My dad's bachelor party. Phil told me the plan — just some guys sitting in a cabin, telling jokes, eating steak, smoking cigars, drinking scotch. Not only did they ditch us because we're 'not legal'—"
"I'm actually twenty one," Troy chimed in hesitantly.
I ignored him. "—that's just a lame party. I'm thinking we up the ante with some old-school bachelor night shenanigans."
Jacob suddenly looked concerned. "You want to… kidnap the bride?"
I grimaced. "Why would I kidnap the bride? Frankie's pregnant. She's worried enough already — I'm not giving her more stress."
"Then what?" Finneas asked warily.
"We kidnap the groom." I declared.
Everyone went silent.
"Do you think we can pull it off?" Troy asked nervously.
Abed hesitated. "We'd be breaking into a cabin full of ex-military veterans — to abduct their captain — during their night of scotch filled state of mind?"
"Exactly," I said with a grin. "Now I just need to make sure we make their night even better."
Abed raised a hand. "I have guns."
"What?!" Troy shouted.
"Paintball guns," Abed clarified, deadpan.
[General POV ]
"I don't get why we have to stay in while the boys are having fun," Maggie grumbled as she hung out with Vanessa in their shared room.
They were inside the sprawling, ranch-style guesthouse, which had four bedrooms. Amy and Abby shared one. Alex and Haley shared another. Selena was bunking with Taylor. Haley, however, was missing.
"I guess we should make our own fun," Selena said. "Four-player deathmatch. Winner gets Edward."
She laughed nervously as the others' eyes narrowed.
"Wait, I'm kidding!" She clarified hurriedly. Abby turned her head from Selena to the bear rug on the floor. Her scientific mind wanted to know whether that rug was made from a real bear. She kept poking the bear's teeth with a pencil.
Amy whispered to Alex, "So… except for Maggie and me — because we're his cousin — everyone here has slept with Edward?"
"I haven't," Alex said flatly.
"Of course you're excluded!" Amy snapped back.
Selena sipped her margarita, whispering under her breath, "I never did, though…"
"Isn't it dangerous to put all of them in one house?" Amy whispered.
Alex sighed. "We need to study the lore and prepare ourselves." She went on, "Abby's eyeing Taylor. They clashed over Edward in 2009."
Amy leaned in. "Who won?"
"I did!" Abby suddenly called from across the room, scaring them. "Also, whisper slower. We can all hear you."
Taylor commented to herself, "Technically, I'm the first."
There was a knock. Abby opened the door. The girls turned silent when they saw the youngster who was the topic of the conversation.
Edward stood there, serious, wearing a long black coat and a fedora. "I need four volunteers for a heist. You in?"
Abby nodded instantly. "We're bored anyway."
Taylor shouted, "I need fresh air — I'm going too." She slid off the couch and rushed to the front door.
Amy and Alex looked at each other and nodded. "We'll come."
Edward handed each of them a gun. They stared at the weapons in shock.
"Paintball guns!" he clarified.
From across the room, Vanessa called out, "Hey! Edward! What are you up to now?"
"Sorry, Ness, I already have enough people!" Edward shouted back.
Selena frowned. "Taylor, you're leaving me here alone?"
"Don't get clingy. Mingle with Ness and Maggie," Taylor replied coolly, pointing the gun at Edward's head from afar.
Vanessa approached Edward with Maggie and asked, "What are you doing?"
"Kidnapping my dad. We need someone to hide in the cake and open the door once they're inside," Edward replied curtly.
Alex narrowed her eyes. "So the only reason you want us on the heist team is because you need a woman to hide in the cake? Isn't that a little sexist? Why can't a man jump out of the cake?"
Edward immediately took the gun from Alex and asked, "Who wants to replace her?"
"What—NO! I'll jump out! I'll get inside the cake!" Alex shouted, grabbing the gun back and refusing to let go.
After assembling the team he wanted, Edward handed out the equipment: a walkie-talkie, night vision goggles, a protective vest, and a fedora.
Vanessa grumbled in annoyance after the others left. "I'm his girlfriend, right? He could've held a spot for me. Not this first-come, first-served crap."
Maggie guffawed. "If you wanted to play, just tell him. I'm sure he'll make room. But if you don't speak up, how would he know? Men aren't mind-readers."
"Edward should be a mind-reader! Now I'm not going to play, even if he begs me," Vanessa added with a huff.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Maggie opened it — but no one was outside. Only a silver case and a note lay on the doorstep.
The note read: 'For Those Who Crave Blood.'
Maggie and Vanessa opened the case. Inside was an arsenal of paintball guns, vests, and a tablet with a map of the entire game — complete with real-time enemy tracking to a 5-meter range.
Vanessa yelped in delight. "Oh my god. I'm SO going to ruin his game."
"Are you guys ready?" Edward asked through the walkie-talkie as his team crouched behind the brush, surrounding the cabin where the bachelor party was happening.
"Locked and loaded," Finneas responded.
"Visual confirmed. The bachelor party is in full swing," Jacob added, peering through binoculars. Inside the cabin, the men were eating, laughing, and completely unaware.
"Alright. Phase One: Cake Delivery," Edward said. "Let's do this."
Finneas and Jacob emerged, hauling the oversized cardboard cake with a hollow center toward the front porch. The thing looked ridiculous — a glittery, poorly-decorated three-tiered monstrosity.
"So, Alex. They're still eating. We'll wait five minutes, then you go in," Edward instructed.
Alex scoffed. "This is so dumb."
"It's not dumb. It's a theatrical distraction," Edward corrected.
The men inside chatted, completely ignoring the cake.
She sighed, adjusted her vest, and trudged toward the cake — flipping Finneas the bird as he whispered, "Break a leg."
But as she reached the top layer and opened the hatch, she froze. Her eyes widened.
Inside the cake was already occupied — by another woman.
"Huh?" Alex blinked, stunned. "What the hell?"
A moment later, footsteps approached the door. Without hesitation, Alex slammed the hatch shut and bolted back to the trees.
Edward, confused, keyed the walkie. "Code Winter, why are you running away?"
"You tell me! Why is there another person inside the cake?!" Alex snapped back.
"What?!" Edward was confused. Vanessa snickered from the other side of the camp, watching as his team grew increasingly flustered.
Dwayne opened the door and pointed at the cake. "Uh, Phil? I thought you said no stripper."
"I didn't!" Phil said, panicked. "None of them would come this late! They all said this place looked like a cult film setting and they'd be hunted for sport!"
Ted spotted a card taped to the front. "'From your son, with love.'" He groaned. "Yup. Ed definitely did this."
Suddenly, the cake burst open.
"Surprise!" shouted Sal, leaping out in red lingerie and heavy smokey-eye makeup.
Mitch and Cam recoiled in horror.
"Oh my god, Sal! What are you doing in the cake?!" Cam exclaimed.
"You promised to behave!" Mitch hissed. Sal begged to come along as she had nothing to do. Mitch and Cam were the one who vouched for her.
Sal ignored them. With music blaring — "Hey Baby" by No Doubt and Bounty Killer — she stomped down the side of the cake, grinding and gyrating as if she was headlining Vegas. She was definitely experienced in it.
"Hey, Ted," she purred, pushing him into a chair. "I heard you're getting married. Shame. I really wanted to taste you."
Ted turned scarlet. The other captains hooted and whistled like drunk pirates.
Mitch lunged forward to stop her, but before he could reach them, Sal drew a small handgun and pressed it to Ted's temple.
The entire room froze. The only sound was the pulsating beat of the music.
"Now now, my dear," Sal whispered, exhaling into his ear. "Don't move. Our night together… is just beginning." She toyed with Ted's hair, making him squirm.
"…Uh, guys? What's happening?" Jacob asked over the walkie, watching through the window. "Did you let Sal the Whore join the game?"
Edward blanched. "Sal the Whore is here?!"
Alex groaned. "Can we please stop calling her that? It's degrading to her and all women."
"Fair," Edward said. "Criticism accepted. From now on, her new codename is 'Salacious.' More empowering."
Alex rolled her eyes and contemplated shooting Edward right then and there.
Edward crept up to the window and peered inside.
Sal, now calmer, explained her role to the stunned men. "So. I need to kidnap Ted with this very real-looking paintball gun. Then, you guys get your own gear, and the mission is to save him before the night's over."
Phil squinted in disbelief. "This is… a game?"
"It's a bachelor party infiltration scenario," Sal said. "A midnight extraction. Very serious."
The guys all exhaled with relief. The gun did look pretty damn real.
"So Edward made this game?" Ted asked, clearly annoyed.
"He did. But we hijacked it." Sal scratched her head. "Oh yeah — there's supposed to be a motivation for you guys to save him. What was it again?"
She thought for a beat, then perked up.
"Oh right! If you guys fail to rescue Ted before sunrise… I'm going to f--k him."
BANG! A paintball hit her square in the back.
"OW!" Sal yelped, turning in fury.
"You're out," Edward said coldly from outside the window. "And that's not the motivation."
Everyone looked at him.
"The real punishment," Edward said, "...is this: If you don't find Dad in time… we make him eat and drink non-stop until you do."
"That's not so bad," Phil said.
"Yeah, not terrible," Cam agreed.
Edward raised a brow. "It's all high-carb, high-sugar foods. Every calorie tracked. No breaks."
Pepper's eyes widened. "You monster. His suit is tailored to the inch!"
Edward grinned devilishly. "The longer you take, the fatter he'll be… for the wedding photos. Muahaha!"
Ted smirked. "I can just choose not to eat."
"If you don't cooperate," Edward replied, "I will unleash Sal again."
Sal blew him a kiss. Ted paled.
"…Okay. I'll do it."
The room erupted in laughter and excitement. To be honest for the ship's captains, the night wasn't really that different from their other nights.
Mitch passed around the paintball gear. Cam opened a trunk revealing goggles, pads, and mini-grenades filled with neon-colored paint.
Outside, Edward led Ted away through the fields to the massive hay maze he had built earlier that evening — a sprawling arena nearly 200 square meters wide. At the center, Ted was strapped to a chair, being force fed some donuts.
Each entrance to the maze was guarded by a member of Edward's hand-picked team.
Meanwhile, word of the bachelor party game spread across the ranch like wildfire.
Jenna, Enid, Elsa, Haley — all overheard the excitement. Luke and Manny were outraged they weren't invited.
Then, as if summoned by fate, each of them discovered a mysterious briefcase at their cabin doors — filled with pink, glitter-covered paintball guns, vests, and tracking tablets.
"Who's doing this?" Enid asked, lifting the pastel-colored gear. "Edward? Or is this someone else entirely?"
The scope of the game expanded.
Edward had more in mind than just a fun night. He knew tensions lingered — old grudges, petty rivalries, unresolved drama. It was the perfect excuse to let everyone blow off steam and settle their differences before the wedding.
That's why he had Jin give everyone the paintball guns stealthily.
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