I started to work here because I needed money. Medicines aren't free, and my sister needs them daily. Fortunately, my education and experience were enough for me to start directly as a valet. It might not be the top, but it's not the bottom either. The first days were the hardest. You have to understand how things work around, and I don't mean how to do chores. In each house, there is always some hierarchy between servants, and unless there is a big disparity in terms of education and background, it's always a matter of who was there first. The butler was always cold and rigid with me. At the start, I thought it was simply because he had to teach me how to do my job, but I eventually realized it was just bullying the last arrived. Apparently, when the butler started to work here, he was in my same position, and like he is doing to me now, he had someone superior who kept scolding and ordering him around; now it's just my turn. The rest of the servants were somewhat fine... As a newcomer, I was in a sense invisible, but it's ok, I don't blame them. Building relationships takes time, and I don't plan on changing jobs soon. As I said, I desperately need this money.
Honestly, the real problem weren't even the other servants — it was Lord Cavendish himself. There was this day when I was cleaning the floor as it was in my schedule — Lord Cavendish was sipping a glass of wine while reading some documents. He wasn't looking where he was going. I noticed he was walking right into me. I should have told him, but I still felt shy when it came to talking with him, so the words didn't come out. Though I tried to move away, and I assume he noticed me standing with the corner of his eyes because he moved as well. The problem is... we both moved to the same side and bumped into each other. He dropped his glass of wine, which made a mess on the floor and on my shoes. I didn't even get scolded; he simply looked down, looked at me, and smacked me. "Clean it," he said, and walked away. I believe he simply can't — or at least doesn't want to — recognize when things happen because of him. After talking with the other servants, it appears it's like this even when he works. They happened to hear some meeting he had, and he always blames things on others. I hated it but... he pays, so I couldn't do much about it. I ended up enduring this for days... the butler scolding me every day and Lord Cavendish being cold and annoying. That's ok. I can endure it...
One day, I was organizing some items for the garden. I saw one of the maids in the garden — her name is Marin. She was here before me, but she is younger. She was kneeling down and smelling the aroma of the flowers; she was cute. I shouldn't have — I was working — yet I walked to her and playfully said:
"Hey... watch out, digitalis are poisonous." Of course, smelling the plant won't cause any damage, but it was the best I could come up with. She looked back at me.
"Really? I didn't know."
"Yeah... I have one or two knowledge of medicine."
"You must be the new valet... E..."
"Edward."
"Oh, sorry."
"Don't worry, of course not everyone would know my name yet. We never even talked too." We kept chatting for some time, but unfortunately I saw the butler walking to me... he found me taking a break while I should work... This time it's my fault. I won't complain.
Anyway, some more days passed and... the more I saw Marin, the more she attracted me... And... she liked me too... We enjoyed that little time we spent with each other. Of course, servants can't have relationships of that kind — we were well aware... and yet we even ended up spending a night together. No one found it out... or so I thought.
The morning after that splendid night, she left early, before anyone would wake up. I was scheduled for some work in the garden again — I liked it when the weather was nice. At a certain point, I noticed something near the gate... It was a letter with "EDWARD" written on it. Initially, I thought it was a prank from Marin. I mean, only her and the butler knew today I would have worked in the garden. I opened it. I felt like I was suffocating as I read it... I would have never expected it... "Edward, I'll be quick... I know what you did with Marin. If you don't want anything bad to happen, do as I say." I really... really hoped it was some kind of bad joke from Marin, but it wasn't... "If it's not enough, I also know where your sister lives. If you turn this around, you'll see a photo of her." The photo was there... I didn't know what to do... I was panicking... "I want you to kill Lord Cavendish. I don't really care how, as long as he dies in a locked room. The rest is up to you. You are smart — you'll figure it out." Kill... Lord Cavendish...? Me? No, no, no — I couldn't. I didn't like him, sure, but killing him was out of the question... But if I didn't... "Do it tomorrow. They should give you a key for his room — you know, for emergencies — and this is one, right? If you don't respect my requests, I'll still make you pay even if you kill him. Remember: 1) Locked Room 2) Do it tomorrow. Well, I said what I had to say. Good luck, Edward."
I... I think I stared at the ground for some time until Marin called for me from behind... I acted as if nothing happened... As we walked in the garden, I noticed the digitalis she was smelling the day we talked for the first time...
She was the one supposed to give me the key for Cavendish's room. It was supposed to happen slightly before the meeting, but she forgot to bring it. I had no idea where they keep those keys, so I reminded her to take it for me, but her sister called her interrupting... She said she would have done it as soon as the party would end... She said we aren't in a rush anyway... YOU AREN'T! Even when she came back, I couldn't come up with an excuse to force her to take it, and if I insisted, she would have found out something was going on. I decided to steal it from her. I knew the pocket she kept it in, so it wasn't a problem. By faking a little moment of intimacy, when no one was around, I managed to take it — but of course, I had to take the entire ring. She eventually left to go to the garden. I took the single key out and dropped the ring at the entrance door as if she dropped it by accident. Now... all I had to do was to kill Lord Cavendish...
"So you never heard anything about Jack except for that letter?"
"No... I'm sorry... I know killing is wrong... but I had no choice... Believe me."
"I'm not here to judge... Did you keep the letter somewhere, by any chance?"
"No... I couldn't... It scared me"
I sigh, realizing I won't obtain anything from him. "It's ok, sorry for bothering you."
I stand up from the chair and turn around, ready to leave.
"Wait... Lady Nathae."
"What?"
"Could you... if it's not much to ask... could you tell Marin that I love her...?"
I turn my head to look at his eyes. I close mine for a moment. "I will, don't worry." And I leave.
I think this experience questions justice. Is it correct to arrest someone who was forced into killing? He still killed someone, and no one is going to bring him back to life — but at the same time, it was someone else who planned everything out. As I have these thoughts, I raise my gaze to the moon. If a god that dictates morality exists, why can't he just come down and solve these problems? But honestly... why would being someone's creator even give you the right to decide his morality? Morality and justice are just illusions created by humans. Animals live every day without these problems. They kill daily to survive, and they never question if it's right or wrong — they just do. It's in their nature. Let's take someone who kills a criminal. You can say the second one deserved it — I mean, he's a bad person — but is it enough to deserve it? Some people might even get tortured, and some might just go to jail... Are punishments really the key? I bet some criminals who end up in jail are even worse when they eventually come out. Think about it — maybe you were forced to commit a crime because of how poorly the state treats people like you, and because of it, you lose years of your life... When you come out, you won't be an angel for sure. If anything, it'll just feed your hate.
But who am I to speak? I swore to kill Jack... I still plan to...But... who's gonna give me the right to?