-SAM-
"Sam?"
She's on her hospital bed. The beeping sound of that machine went through every inch of my body as I shivered, she's awake yet distant from the world.
What have I done?
"Where's my brother" Ayat asks, as she broke down in tears. "Where's Ifan, Sam? Our Ifan?"
I sat down on my knees right beside her bed as I held her hand in my fist. He's gone.
The bursies on my knuckles reminded me how I was not strong enough to save him..
How I was yet again—late.
She weeps as she slightly tilts her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes, tears ran down her chin soaking the pillow. "Is he.." she shrugs "Will I ever seen him again?"
My heart broke into a billon pieces. What am I supposed to tell her? That I wasn't responsible enough to save her brother? To save my brother? I lost the one thing I had in this whole entire world right beside me and just because I needed to finish the fucked up business my father left for me, I genuinely messed up.
I lost him.
Where was he in all of this? he shouldn't have gotten into this in the first place. He told me to leave, he kept saying, let's leave,
I.. I was just too fucking stubborn to listen.
It took him his life to make me listen, to make me realise and see that this isn't worth it, vengeance isn't worth it. Revenge always forever brings misfortune with it and nothing else.
He gave his life for me.
But what the f..fuck did I get?
"Please say something Sam. Will I ever see my brother again?" She moans in pain.
I nod in disagreement, as pent up tears rushed down my face, and I looked down, unable to look in her eyes.
I couldn't hold in anymore. I just couldn't. Howling sound of the wind busted the window open while we both burst out whimpering. "I'm so sorry Ayat I lost him" I've never cried this much in my life. I don't think I can ever recover from this event..
I don't think I can ever stop crying.
I.. I don't think I can ever stop hurting.
I don't think I.. I can ever—bring him back..
-FAIZA-
Commissioner Vuran draped the medal around my neck. The auditorium erupted in applause, that echoed off the walls, and I felt nothing to be proud of,
As I grasped the medal, my shaky fingers closed around it like a vice, as if holding onto a symbol of vindication.
The medal glinted in the light of photographers.
I stood tall, my weary eyes gleaming with nothing else but sadness.
I couldn't find anything not related to sadness,
I asked myself the same thing over and over again—why should I feel pride when I'm the one defeated and lost, when I'm the one amongst all, the most absurd human.
My eyes, sunken from the weight of the four long months, shone with a deep sense of dissatisfaction.
Commissioner's voice boomed through the microphone, "Detective, your tireless efforts and unwavering commitment to justice have earned you this highest honor. Your bravery and selflessness are an inspiration to us all."
As the applause continued to thunder, my gaze swept the room, my eyes locking onto the faces of my colleagues. My father slightly bowed as a sign of respect.
But do I really deserve all this respect over Ifan's grave?
Knowing I can never hold him again. I can never touch h..him again, or even see him again.
Tears wiled up in my eyes, and I can't shake the feeling of losing him, it's like it's creeping up my spine, shivering down my chin, and every second of his laughter is stuck to me, stuck in my brain, on repeat, every second of his smile, his touch, every single second is recapping, flashing againist my skin, as if infront of me, as If I can feel him standing somewhere near me, as If he's watching me, and I can't do this anymore.
Its as if he'll keep asking me the same question of why, every single day, and I won't ever get over it.
My chest puffed with guilt, pain and exhaustion of regret, I can't pull myself together.
After everything that happend, Faisal got buried, and all of it came to an end, what we desired for, once and for all.
Through their location we got to the rest of the three hubs and we barged in, to put
an end to their system. Our mission was always clear, dismantle the oppressive system that had held the town hostage for far too long. With no longer a ruler to control over the town, people went back to living normal as the shackles of fear were lifted, the townspeople began to rebuild their lives.
The aftermath of our operation saw the four hub captains brought to justice, one meeting a permanent end, while their workers, many of whom had been coerced into service, faced moderate punishment. We took them to court, but ultimately, they were released, their sentences a testament to the complexities of their situation.
Those poor people only needed a job and this was the only way to earn wealth quicker, a tragic reminder of the economic struggles that had ravaged the town.
The wounded, both ours and theirs, after yesterday's event at the warehouse, everyone was rushed to local hospitals,
luckily many survived. Some didn't.
Some really didn't.
Including Victor, parhaps he was wrong, parhaps not.
After seeing how he saved Ifan,
No one can know for sure who he actually was.
No one will ever know.
His true identity got buried with him.
Parhaps Adam and him will finally meet, wherever they possibly can be.
The town slowly healed. No more illegal trading of weaponry and drugs, but that'd be the harsh falsity of our world, Somewhere there's still more than we can see, a ton of these mobsters. The world won't get clean any time sooner, but as for now, we're sure about Troyville finally being free.
"Congratulations dectective Faiza"
Officers are greeting me as I leave the station.
I walked around for a while, on the same street where my pretend apartment is—was.
Zaid did got arrested but his arrest was merely a formality, a necessary inquiry to clear his name. Despite being the son of a notorious figure, he had never been involved in his father's wrongdoings. In fact he was againist it all, all along
We found Ayat unconscious outside the warehouse. We rushed her to the main city hospital, where she received the care needed.
As for Sam, I don't know where he went,
I declared both Ifan and Sam's death, so that wherever he goes, This way, he could start a new life, and be free from all.
I'm not ashamed of it.
I did the right thing for once.
After walking here and there, Before going to the hospital I went at the nearby flower store to buy a rose bouquet, and soon reached the hospital.
I entered in Ali's surgery room.
"How are you doing pal" I pull a chair close to his bed. "I'm hanging in there." He sighs.
"What did the doctors say?"
"They said—" His voice broke. "My arm won't be functionale for some time."
Oh.. meaning he won't be in the force for some time, however much time that could take.
"I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault."
"It feels like it." I said, controlling my tears from coming out.
"You can let it out now." His voice bearly above a whisper. "How long will you keep it in, let it out." He puts his hand over mine. My chin shivers in pain, my throat hurts, I don't want to cry. "You can accept that he became a huge part of you."
"Stop talking." I avoid eye contact. A part? That's all he catched? I fell in love, I love Ifan, and I never told him that, he left thinking I was only pretending.
I fell in love with him. His stupid jokes, with his laugh, with his touch, his gentle touch, his eyes were so soft, deeper than anything, they were deep and led far depth like the universe. I could always see stars roaming around in his eyes, if only I had knew..
I would've kissed him one last time,
to tell him not every memory was pretend, not every word was fake. I fell in love only to realise it when I can't confess, even if I want to now.
It had to be done, one way or another, and a part of me will never forget the three of them..
Ayat or her sweet smile, the way she talked and laughed at nearly everything. Or
Sam and his nonstop compliments for himself, him exploring and amusing everyone around him. But most importantly I'll never forget Ifan..
The one true person who saw me for me. The one person I broke.
"Take care of yourself Ali" I said, standing back up.
"Even if it's not me who you can love.. I'm glad I got you as my partner. If by some chance I get to do this all over again, I'd still want you as my partner, even if I'd have to bear all the pain again.. I'd still want it to be you, every time, all over again." Ali says.
I hugged Ali, tears ran down both our faces. "I'd want you as my partner every time, too" I move back. "I'll visit again" I say.
We can't please everyone around us, people need to learn to not have everybody's answers..
Some possibilities are beyond our hands. We can't take everybody's responsibility, we can't make everyone feel happy around us, we have to learn to let people feel, even if the reason seem we're involved, that's when we need to see that sometimes even our involvement could be out of our reach.
We can't force feelings, we can't force ourselves to feel something we don't.
It's better if we don't hide from ourselves and others,
It's better when we finally face those hidden feelings.
Things get better when we let people feel whatever they want to feel.
I forced myself not to feel love for Ifan.. if I hadn't force myself, then maybe..
Maybe I would have thought of a way to save them sooner.
Maybe things wouldn't have been the way they did.
I did what I did for my love for him, I now know our love is endless, and divine.
The outcome isn't my ideal,
And parhaps it'll never be.