January 1 - January 31
The beginning of the new year was marked by a whirlwind of events, signaling both exciting opportunities and bittersweet moments. January was packed with award shows, which kept us on our toes. I also signed contracts for two significant drama projects in Korea and another in China. On the one hand, these new ventures were exhilarating, allowing me to step into the world of acting more seriously. On the other hand, the reality of our group's upcoming disbandment loomed over us.
The group's contract was expiring, and after extensive discussions with the members and the company, we collectively decided not to renew it. It was a decision we all made together, though it wasn't an easy one. We knew that it was time to close this chapter, but that didn't make the process any less emotional. The impending disbandment brought a mix of sadness and nostalgia, especially as we began preparing for our farewell concert in Seoul, aptly titled "The Final". It was going to be the biggest concert we had ever done, and we wanted it to be perfect.
To add to the weight of the situation, my schedule became even more hectic as the shooting for my Korean drama began. Balancing drama work and the preparations for the group's final concert was physically and emotionally exhausting. There were days when I barely had a moment to breathe, but I knew I had to push through.
Amidst all this, I realized I hadn't properly introduced my incredible team of managers and bodyguards who supported me through everything. Each of them plays a crucial role in keeping my life organized and secure:
- Aaron (born in 1994) is my main manager, but he's also an undercover bodyguard. With his mixed American and Korean heritage, Aaron is fluent in English, Korean, Spanish, and Japanese, making him an invaluable asset, especially during our international activities.
- Choi Hyunwoo (born in 1998) is my main assistant and also serves as an undercover bodyguard. He's Korean and fluent in English and Korean, always ensuring that everything runs smoothly, no matter how chaotic the schedule gets.
- Edward Kim (born in 1994) handles all my brand-related work, managing my ambassador contracts with various companies. He's a blend of Korean and Italian heritage, and his fluency in English, Korean, Italian, and French helps me navigate the fashion and endorsement worlds.
- Zhou Xuan (born in 1994) is my drama manager, responsible for coordinating my acting projects. He's Chinese and fluent in Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean, English, and Thai, which is especially helpful for my work in China.
- Isuki Yashida (born in 1992), also known as Suki, is my bodyguard. He's Japanese and speaks English, Korean, and Japanese, making him a vital part of my security team during international travels.
With the disbandment looming, I decided to dye my hair back to black, symbolizing a fresh start as we closed this chapter of our careers. For our farewell album, the entire group agreed to wear bob-cut wigs during our final performance, adding to the sentimentality of the event. The Final would be a night to remember, and we were determined to give our fans, Nova, a concert they would never forget.
February 1 - February 2
February began with a bang as I flew to China for my drama shooting. The project was fast-paced, and by the time we wrapped up for the day, it was almost midnight. Exhausted from a long day on set, I caught a late-night flight back to Seoul, arriving in the early hours of February 2. It was around 3 am when I finally made it back to my apartment, barely able to keep my eyes open. I slept until 9 am, knowing that I had a busy day ahead.
After waking up, I put together a casual yet stylish outfit for the day pair of black Nike baggy pants, a black strappy backless bodysuit, and an olive-green hollow-knit crop top. I matched it with olive-green Nike shoes, a black Dior saddlebag, gold accessories, and a Rolex watch. Feeling ready for the day, we headed straight to the Seoul World Cup Stadium, where our final concert was set to take place.
The stadium was already set up and ready for our rehearsal. Standing in the massive arena, knowing it would soon be filled with thousands of fans, gave me goosebumps. We rehearsed tirelessly, fine-tuning every detail to ensure everything would go off without a hitch. By 2 pm, we took a break for lunch before heading back to finish our preparations. By 5 pm, we were backstage, fully dressed and ready to take the stage for "The Final".
The concert was a huge event, and we wanted to make sure that Nova, our devoted fanbase, had the best experience possible. Our concert tickets were available at various price points, starting at $15 and going up to $400 for VIP packages. The stadium was packed, and the energy was electrifying. To make the night even more special, we prepared a special gift for Nova custom-made ring, and a set of photo cards for every fan in attendance. We even funded dinner boxes for the audience with our own money, a small gesture to show our gratitude.
The concert itself was divided into three parts. The first segment was dedicated to our signature group performances, showcasing our biggest hits. The second part featured solo performances, where each member had the chance to shine individually. The third and final segment was the most emotional: our official farewell to Nova. As we took turns speaking, tears welled up in my eyes. A fan in the crowd shouted, "Don't cry!" which made me smile, even though the tears kept coming. I've always struggled with a tear allergy, and I've had attacks on stage before, but tonight, I was able to cry freely without much discomfort.
By the time the concert ended, it was nearly midnight. Despite the late hour, many fans were still waiting outside the stadium, eager to say goodbye and hand us gifts. We spent a few moments with them before heading back to the dorm. Exhausted from the emotional night, we had a quiet dinner, completed our night routines, and went to bed.
February 3 - February 5
The day after the concert, I woke up feeling a mix of relief and sadness. I went through my usual morning routine, still adjusting to the reality that our group had officially disbanded. I dressed in my school uniform, pairing it with Fila Disruptor black shoes, a white LV Discovery backpack, a Chanel black bucket hat, Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses, and a black Chaumet Montre Hortensia Eden watch. I decided to keep wearing the bob-cut wig from the concert, not ready to fully let go of the previous night's memories.
After breakfast, I headed to school with Chaeyeon and Heaven. The school was a welcome distraction from the emotions swirling around the disbandment. In the evening, I grabbed a quick snack before heading back to my room to prepare for a company party later that night.
I took off the wig, washed and styled my hair into classic curls, and chose a stunning white dress from LV's Spring 2019 collection. The dress had long sleeves with silver beach wave patterns and a black belt. I paired it with Malone Soulier Montana olive lace-up boots and a Kelly 32 so-black feather bag.
The party that evening was more than just a celebration was a gathering of nearly every company that had collaborated to create our group. By the end of the night, at least half a dozen companies had approached us with offers, hinting at potential new projects. It was both flattering and overwhelming. The party wrapped up around 9 pm, and we returned to sleep, where we ended the night with our usual routines before heading to bed.
On February 5, Yuji Unnie gathered us all for one final breakfast together. She gave her heartfelt final wishes and asked what each of us planned to do next. Most of the members intended to return to their original companies, while Minmin planned to return to China, and Rami aimed to pursue a music career in Japan. It was an emotional morning, as we all shared our hopes and dreams for the future.
February 6 - February 29
The rest of February flew by in a blur. I was constantly busy with drama shootings, often eating meals on the go between takes. Due to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, I had to undergo several tests throughout the month, which added an extra layer of stress to my already-packed schedule.
At the end of the month, someone from Bighit reached out to me with an offer to join their company. At first, I declined, wanting to focus on my acting career, and I said to Taeyong that if I am considering joining a company, I would only consider SM Entertainment. Taeyong wants to make up for things that happened in the past, and I, too, don't want to disappoint my closest ones.
However, the next call was from my cousin, Jungkook. He said that his company wants me to collaborate with BTS. After considering, I accepted the offer of collaboration. I will produce a song with Suga. Later, it was singing, then MV, then the new group. I didn't check the contract since Aaron checked it.
I haven't signed the contract for the collab, but for the new group. I was quite betrayed and even mad with Aaron, but knowing he had taken the orders from Grandma, I decided there was no need to get mad with Aaron. I didn't tell Taeyong about this and asked SM not to reveal my not signing with SM. Every time Taeyong calls me and asks me about signing with SM, I would just pass it with an excuse of being busy.
We also attended Lily and Hani's graduation at SOPA.
Everything seemed to fall into place just at the right time, and I felt ready to embrace the next chapter of my career with confidence and excitement.