Kai's POV
The nurse's office reeked of antiseptic, a sterile smell that scraped at the back of my throat. Fluorescent lights buzzed overhead, a cold, indifferent hum. Dizziness hit me when I tried to sit. I looked around, automatically searching. For what? Comfort? A sign? Mom's worried eyes? Dad's gruff questions that hid...what? They weren't there. They never were. A bitter taste clawed its way up. They don't care, the thought slammed into me, familiar and heavy. It was a constant ache now, settling deep in my bones. Do they even see me? Will they ever see me? The questions were a relentless tide, pulling me under.
Then, something flickered. The pain, my usual chest-crushing, tear-inducing pain...it felt different. Almost...welcoming. Known. Predictable, unlike their unreliable absence. This pain defined me. It was part of me. It felt like...home. A strange peace settled, oddly twisted, but peace nonetheless. My heart, usually frantic, felt...full. Full of sorrow, yes, but something else too, something I couldn't name. Loved? Not that kind of love, the kind I craved, the should-be kind. But loved, nonetheless. By the void, by the emptiness that cradled me. A dark, perverse affection, but it was all I had.
Next Day
School was an eternity. Each class, a slow, agonizing stretch. Faces blurred, a sea of normal I couldn't navigate. Escape. That's all I wanted. To run from the noise, the relentless pressure to be someone I wasn't. But I endured. Sat. Answered. Even managed a strained, empty smile. Kai, the "good student." The rule follower. The one who never caused trouble. Relief slammed into me with the final bell. I bolted. Needed distance, air.
The late afternoon sun cast long, distorted shadows as I walked, head down, lost. Then, it hit me. A prickling on the back of my neck. Watched. I spun around. Nothing. Empty sidewalk, rustling leaves. Paranoia. Dismissed it.
But the feeling intensified, a heavy weight. Faster now, heart hammering. Glance back. A flicker in the alley. Panic. I ran, breath sawing in my throat.
My foot snagged on a crack. Asphalt rushed up. The impact jarred me senseless. Face scraped raw. A sharp, stinging burn. I lay there, disoriented.
Then the pain registered, sharp and brutal. Nose throbbing. Warm, sticky liquid spreading. Blood. My hand came away crimson. A blossoming stain on the pavement.
And then...strangeness. Amidst the pain, the fear, the humiliation, a surge of...contentment. No. Deeper than that. Profound peace. Never so at ease. So...alive.
The blood, the pain – familiar, comforting. The physical manifestation of everything I carried inside. A release. Catharsis. Finally shedding the skin of forced normalcy, embracing the broken, raw reality.
Mesmerized, I watched the blood drip, forming a puddle. A river of pain. Drowning. But this time, I didn't want to be saved. Didn't want bandages, reassurances.
I wanted the bottom. To surrender. To let it consume. To find solace in the darkness, peace in the suffering. I wanted to go home. Lying bleeding on the pavement, I was already there.