In front of me, at last, I saw it in the distance.
Him. The one I had longed for so much. Not a being, not a god, not even an enemy — but an obviousness. An end. A promise. He was there, standing before me like a perverse reward, an open door in a world that kept folding back onto itself. And everything in me unraveled.
I wasn't really thinking anymore. Thoughts had melted like black wax, running down my temples, slow and sticky, until there remained only a vague sizzle, a warm mush where nothing took shape. It wasn't me anymore, not really. More like a moving caricature, a silhouette of nerves and laughter, without structure. A leftover.
My smile widened slowly, almost painfully, as if it were splitting my flesh from the inside. The anger, the hatred, the contained rage… all of it melted into a single breath. It wasn't an emotion anymore. It was a relief. A release so deep it became absurd. A deliverance bordering on madness.
So I laughed.
