Blood. The crimson liquid, wet and warm, clung to him. His face, his hands, his sword. His hands shot up, all attempts to wipe it away merely smearing it about. The substance stuck to him like a second layer of skin.
Shadowy figures, their features dancing about in the form of indecipherable wisps, rose from the endless pool of blood that he only now realized he stood in. Some were missing limbs. Others bore ugly gashes across their shifting forms, more blood leaking out from them to join the pool.
All trudged their way forward, reaching for him with horrid grumbles.
Vincent tried to step back but his feet remained rooted in place, the dark pool cemented around his ankles. Balance lost, he fell back, the warm liquid grabbing him whole.
…
Vincent jolted awake, shooting up with a sharp gasp, a cold sweat dripping down his temple.
There was no blood on his hands. No pool of blood around his ankles. No vengeful wraiths reaching out for him. Just him in the crew quarters alongside everyone else. He took a deep breath, wiped his forehead clean, and waited for the erratic beats of his heart to calm.
As much as it could be when a blink was enough to bring his bloody kills back to him in crystal clear detail.
Sitting around here wouldn't help. The little sleep he got was a small miracle in of itself.
He rose to his feet, unconsciously reaching for where the sword would've been only to grab air. Right…It was for the best that he didn't have it anyways.
Shi quietly joined him on his way out of the quarters, a tense silence taking the pace of the little small talk and polite greetings they exchanged. Vincent's own fault really; he wasn't exactly exuding an aura of sunshine and rainbows. Together they followed their usual path to the food storeroom -now chalk full of extra cargo from the main storeroom to make space for the refugees- and picked up their usual collection of crates as well as an additional crate on Vincent's side.
They left the storeroom, heading straight towards the main storeroom deeper in the swaying hall where said refuges waited them and began handing out food.
Women and children made up their number. He didn't need to put in much thought to figure out why they would be the primary targets for a bunch of pirates.
Some flinched when he raised a hand of food towards them. Some were completely unresponsive, Vincent forced to place the food near them. No one dared to look them in the eyes.
"Thank you." One of the women whispered as she took the offered food.
His gut twisted and jaw tightened, images of dismembered bodies rushing back to him. Beidou and the rest of the crew deserved their thanks. Not him.
They headed back out into the hall, this time joined by a mix of the crew head topside for the day and others coming down for sleep. Vincent got pats to the back, good jobs, and thanks. All well intentioned, he was sure, but each one twisting his gut further and adding to a mounting sense of nausea.
They made back to the crew quarters, taking to their usual routes. Vincent kept his head down, nodding mutely as he was showered with more praise.
A weight hit his back and he barely steadied himself.
"What's got you so down?" Xingmi asked from behind him, arms around his neck and cheek pressed to his. "Don't tell me its about those pirates."
"Xingmi." Zhanshi called from their beds.
"Come on, you can't let something like that get to you." Xingmi released him, coming to his front. Bandages were still wrapped around her arms and beneath her clothes. "You saw the people the others brought back, didn't you? What do you think those bastards were doing to them?" He knew that. "And look at me. Things could've been a lot worse if you hadn't stepped in." He knew that too. "You should be proud about giving people like that what they deserved."
"Xingmi." Baohu called out, her usually plain voice sporting a noticeable sternness. Xingmi sighed but relented, bringing him over to the Baohu as she grumbled to herself. He knew Xingmi meant well like all the others, but he was grateful for the interference.
Being thanked for killing. He never could've imagined something like that happening to him, and yet, here he was living that reality.
He tuned out most of the ensuing conversation as Baohu did his hair. He was more than a little surprised when she tapped his shoulder, his hair done in what felt like the blink of an eye.
"You're still the same to us." Baohu said to him as he picked up the crates of food and moved to leave. He paused, managing to give her a weak smile. That was perhaps the first thing to come from someone other than the old man or Beidou that didn't make him feel sick about the whole situation.
He wasn't sure if he believed it, but it was nice to hear.
Vincent soon rejoined Shi, the both of them heading topside and continuing their routine. He found himself stopping in place once he reached the upper levels and caught sight of Beidou and the old man at the wheel.
Would he have to fight her? The mere thought made his stomach do flips. He'd seen what he was capable of, what he could really accomplish with this body at his disposal. Strong as she was, what if he made a mistake? If he hit too hard or-
"Hey, get over here!" Beidou called out for him and he forced himself forward despite the thoughts, handing them some food.
"Hope you're ready for today." Beidou said, handing off the wheel to Hei. Before Vincent could conjure up some excuse or explain his apprehension, she placed a hand on his shoulder, pushing him towards the back end of the deck. "You and I are going to be sharing a drink."
A drink?
"Oh, uh, sure." Vincent relaxed, allowing her to guide him towards the rear railings. She already had a crate of that fruity alcohol he'd tasted secured nearby, grabbing a bottle and mugs from it as they passed. He should've known Beidou wouldn't force him to fight; she always seemed to know just what to say or do no matter the situation.
It was nothing short of amazing.
Surprisingly enough, she didn't pressure him into any conversation, simply uncorking the bottle then pouring them both a mug. Side by side, they leaned against the railing, watching the sun gradually rise above the crystal blue waters.
Endless waters, the reddish-orange beauty of the sunrise, a tasty drink, and good company. It was almost enough to make him forget.
Almost.
As he brought the mug up for another sip -his slow pace something Beidou had been matching- he nearly fumbled it into the ocean, taken aback by the deep red staining his hands. A blink and they were back to normal, no sigh of blood to be found.
He took a deep steadying breath as he glanced towards Beidou, her long hair swaying in the cool breeze. She looked the same as ever. Confident and beautiful.
"Does…does it get easier?" He questioned lowly, just loud enough to be heard over the splashing water below. She lowered her mug, one eye still gazing out across the waters.
"For me, it did." Beidou admitted. "Every person I've killed, I killed for a reason. I won't be losing sleep over them." She glanced his way. "But I'm selfish, I've told you that. What I want will always mean more to me than arbitrary things like ideals or morals. Its how I've chosen to live and how I'll continue living." She fully turned his way, side leaning against the railing. "I might be wrong about this, you've already proven you can surprise me, but I don't think that'll be the case for you."
Vincent looked away, biting the inside of his mouth.
Not the answer he wanted to hear. Would he have to deal with nightmares like that for the rest of his life? And these flashes throughout the day; would they always haunt his waking moments? Would-
A hand landed on his shoulder and he looked back to her. Beidou stood closer to him, that smile he'd come to find so reassuring in place. "You're a good person." Coming from anyone else that claim would've filled him with nothing but disbelief after what he'd done but…but he couldn't help but share in her belief.
From anyone else something like that came loaded with unspoken expectations. To Beidou it was a simple fact, or at least her viewpoint, that she was sharing. "You're strong too. I don't just mean physically." She lowered her hand and pressed a fist to his heart. "And that's a rare combination. That weight you feel may never get any lighter, but you'll be able to handle it. If not, just come looking for me. We can always have a chat over some drinks if you want the company."
"I-" Once more in the face of her words and that genuine smile, he couldn't help but believe in everything she said. To hope despite what he felt. "-I'll do that."
"Good to hear it." Beidou gave him a slight tap to the chest as they began to drink once more.
To live selfishly…
This was an entirely new world. Maybe a different or at least tweaked approach to life was in order.
…
A faint warmth tickled his midsection.
At first, he thought it the early onset of some kind of soreness as he held the lowered stance old man Hei instructed him to take. Unlike Beidou, Hei hadn't seen fit to give him a break, and honestly, he was grateful to have something to do.
That warmth he thought to be soreness never worsened. And, oddly enough, it almost felt…invigorating? Like the warm rays of sunlight slowly ridding him of grogginess in the early hours of the day. Soon he found himself fully focused on it.
All else faded away, that warmth spreading. Like a gentle stream it flowed out from his chest. Down his spine. Out to his arms and down to his hands then splitting off to each individual finger. His legs shared the same sensation, the warm flowing energy seemingly spreading to every part of his body.
The longer he focused on the energy the lighter he felt. It was almost as if he was floating, the warmth the only thing keeping him grounded in reality.
"Hey!" Vincent's eyes snapped open and he found himself face to face with Hei. "Don't you think its about time you got some rest?"
"What do you-" Vincent stopped short. The sun had been straight above when he started his training and yet it was already dark, the day crew replaced by the sparser night crew.
Just how long had he been standing here?
As he rose up a flash of light appeared before him.
[Stat Improved]
Chi Sensitivity: Low-Tier Grade 1 (19) -> Low-Tier Grade 1 (20)
After all this time, he finally managed to improve a stat and it turned out to be one of the Chi related ones of all things? Did that mean that warm energy he was feeling was this Chi?
Vincent gave Hei a nod as he headed down into the ships hall, his mind racing.
Would he actually be able to make use of that energy?