I wake up, feeling relief to see Ryujin still asleep next to me. I stare at her face because I just want to admire her facial features. I thuckle because it's so cute that she's frowning while sleeping.
I lean forward to kiss the tip of her nose and she suddenly wakes up.
"Are you okay?" She ask. Why is she like this? I disturb her sleep and the first thing she ask is if I'm okay.
"I'm okay. I'm sorry for waking you up. You looked really cute and I couldn't help myself" I say.
"It's okay" she sits up and stretches her arm, "How did you sleep?"
"Better this time. It was even better waking up and you're actually next to me" I chuckle.
"I'm sorry. I really had to pee yesterday" she says and I can tell she really feels bad about it.
"I'm messing with you. It's okay. Its not your fault that my nightmare makes me scared of losing you" I say.
We hear Eva wake up and she gets up before I can say anything. She picks up Eva and take her to hed with us. I honestly love seeing them together.
Eva is still quite sleepy so she's laying down on Ryujin's chest, yawning.
"How are you natural with kids?" I ask.
"Maybe because of Gabe? She says unsure.
"Are you really okay with Eva? And my new baby?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" She ask instead.
"Because it's a lot to take on. I mean one kid is hard enough and now you have to accept two kids just to be with me I say without looking at her.
"Why do you make it sound like it's such a bad thing for me? Meeting Eva has been an amazing experience. She's already so sweet, kind, funny and I know she will grow up to be an amazing woman because she has you for a mother and your unborn baby will be the same" she says.
For some reason, I didn't like that answer. Before, I feel like her answer would have been like 'I will love them as my own' but this time it's not. Is she having second thoughts about us? Does she not feel the same about me anymore?"Do you still want to be with me in the future?" I ask in a whisper like because I'm afraid she will say no.
"I do. What makes you ask that question?" She whispers back because Eva fell asleep on her.
"Because your answer about the kids thing feels like your feelings for me have changed" I embarrassingly say.
She chuckles and I look at her with a frown. Is she making fun of me right now?
"What?"I glare at her.
"You're amazing. Noticing things like that she's still not explaining herself.
"So it's true? Your feelings did change?" I look down.
"Yes" she says and I get ready to leave the bed because it hurts to hear that.
"I love you more now than I did before" she says making me stop and look back at her while she's smiling, looking at Eva still on her chest.
"What?" I ask, confuse.
"I didn't want to cross boundaries talking about your kids and make you feel uncomfortable. I know in the past I've been open about caring for them like they're my own but I realized I didn't want to scare you away by saying stuff like that" she explains.
"I'll say it again, I want to grow old with you, veji. I want you, Eva and the baby growing in your belly to be my family. I want to take care of all you, protect you and provide for you. I want those family game nights, dinner together, going on vacations together. I want all of those with you" She continues.
"But it doesn't bother you that they're Dana's? I've read most same sex couples that decided to have a family either go through adoption or that IVF thing so they decide together. You heing with me, you'll have to care for someone else's children" I say.
"They're not someone else's children. They're yours. I don't give a single crap about lana. He doesn't deserve you or the kids. See this right now?" She points at Eva, "I feel happy and content right now. In bed next to you with Eva in my arms. I hope for her to be my daughter someday too. I'm sorry if that would make you uncomfortable but I'm serious about you" She says looking straight ahead.
"Where would we stay if I move here?" I ask.
"Where do you want to stay? Do you have like a preference? City? Suburban? Country life?" She ask instead."I like around here. Close to your family. I like them and Eva seems to like them too" I answer.
"Then we can stay here. Not here in the cottage but we can build a house next to my parents" she looks at me now.
"If you can do that, how come Rosé and Lisa haven't done it?" I ask.
"They don't want to. They like how things are set up right now. Maybe some day" Eva starts waking up again.
Eva sits up and sits on Ryujin's stomach while rubbing her eyes. I actually feel better with my conversation with Ryujin. The reassurance that were still on the same page of being together until the end.
"You want breakfast?" I hear Ryujin ask Eva. My daughter nods and Ryujin picks her up and leave the room without me. I'd be hurt but I just enjoy the family vibe I feel throughout this whole visit with Ryujin.
I lay hack down. "Aren't you coming? We have to eat before my friends come" she says standing by the door.
"You left me so I don't want to ear" I cross my arms and pretend to be hurt.
"As adorable as you are, my lady, your daughter needs to eat and so do you so come out. Your sister and Travis are waiting ton" she says.
I laugh lightly and get up from the bed. I just walk out wearing my pajamas since I didn't feel like washing up yet.
We all eat breakfast and have nice conversations. Ryujin feeds Eva so I'm able to eat my breakfast in peace.
It's so weird to have time for myself or do things without having to stop because Eva needs something. Is this what it feels like to have help raising your kids? For the longest time, I felt like a single mom caring for Eva so this is all new with someone helping.
After breakfast, Ryujin does the dishes and I take Eva back our room to get her ready for the day. My sister then take her while Ryujin and I wash up and change out of our pajamas.
Around 3 pm, her friends show up because they want to hang out again today. They also wanted to meet Eva. They all seem really happy for Ryujin and excited for her because of me. I'm not sure why
When they all have arrived, they say hello and we have some small talks but they all focused on Eva. They all introduced themselves as Aunties and uncles. I smilethinking how Eva is so loved here. I'm sure Dana's parents loved her in some way but they just didn't seem to care about her.
My smile disappears right away when I hear them mention someone to Ryujin.
"Hey Ryu. Did you hear Sam is back in town?" Zach announces.
"Really? Why? She hated being here" Ryujin ask. Who the hell is Sam? And why are they telling Ryujin this? Who is or was Sam to Ryujin.
"Who's Sam?" My curiosity got the best of me.
"Sam is the girl Ryujin used to have a huge crush on before her and Lia dated" Chaeryeong answers.
"It was during middle school. It wasn't that big of a deal besides her and I aren't in good terms" Ryujin rolls her eyes. This is the first time I've seen her like this towards someone. She was kind of like this with Dana but that's understandable.
"Why does it seem like there's a story there I should know about?" I say.
"There's not much. Sam was just an evil bitch that manipulated and took advantage of Ryujin's kindness. You know how she is, she's very giving and understanding. I'm just glad Sam didn't ruin her" Lia scoffs.
"What did she do?" I ask.
I thought maybe Ryujin would answer or at least stop them from answering but she doesn't care that they're telling me. I honestly like that about her. She's okay with me learning things about her even if it might not be good things.
"Sam knew Ryujin had a crush on her. Ryujin was or still is well liked by people.
In school, being associated with her is a big deal. One day, Sam told Ryujin they should date and our friend over there was too naive and trustworthy so she agreed.
She treated Ryujin like shit, made her stop talking to us, changing her personality and such. We finally got Ryujin back to her senses and she was ready to break up with her then she plays a cancer card saying she has cancer which turned out to be a lie. When Ryujin found out, she moved schools and Ryujin left her alone. Sometimes during school events, we would still see her but we never interacted" Lia explains.
"That's why I don't consider her an ex because what we had wasn't a relationship. I don't know what it was but it didn't feel like a relationship" Ryujin finally joins the explanation.
"Why are you telling Ryujin that she's back in town if she doesn't care?" I look at the guys.
"Because we heard she's getting married but she's looking for Ryujin. I wouldn't be surprised if she's at your parents house right now" they all look at Ryujin who doesn't show like she cares.
We spend the rest of the time just focusing on Eva. They all brought her gifts so she has new toys to play with. I notice Ryujin is not as focus after mentioning Sam though. I don't understand why they would bring that girl up when Ryujin is bothered by her.
After everyone left and I put Eva to sleep, I wait for Ryujin to lay down in bed. She enters the bedroom and she doesn't seem as happy like she did this morning.
"Is the Sam thing bothering you?" I say as I place my head on her chest and she wraps her arm around me.
"A little. I don't like remembering how I felt back then. My depression got worse after that and I blamed myself for believing her" she answers me.
It's rare for me to see Ryujin like this but somehow I feel closer to her. She always shows her protective side and not her vulnerable side.
"Do you want to see her? Maybe get some closure?" I ask.
"I'm not sure. Seeing her might bring me to my dark place and I might not be able to come out" she says sadly.
"I'm here now. You're always helping me and I can help you too. If it's something you think might help you but you're just afraid. I'm here to help you not be afraid. I'll be here no matter what happens if you talk to her.
"Thank you, Yeji" she squeezes me and I can feel she's anxious.
"T'll forever love you and cherish you. I'll stand by your side through any hardship" I say to her.
"I'll do the same for you, my queen" she chuckles.
"I love you" I say but she didn't answer. I look up and she's already asleep. How can she fall asleep that fast? I laugh in my head.