The stars look pretty tonight.
I'm on the roof again. This time, I'm joined by Eric. He sits next to me without speaking. He doesn't look at the sky. Instead, his eyes are fixed on the horizon.
"...Are you looking for anything?"
"...Not particularly."
His tone doesn't invite discussion.
"...Then what are you thinking?"
"Nothing much." His tone is bland. "I just like to be outside."
I glance at the ground below, at the large, empty plains.
It's not a comforting view.
I don't really like the outside of this planet at all, not the plains, the woods, the trees, the predators, the aliens.
I can't blame him. It's really not a good planet to be outdoors in. I'm glad the compound has walls, and even more glad nothing's come along to try to test those walls aside from some acidic rain. If the aliens find us...if they ever come looking, I'm sure this will all end in disaster. But...
I don't want to focus on that thought right now. I'm going to focus instead on being thankful we're here at all. If we'd tried to do it ourselves, tried to run off and live on our own somehow when we were given the chance, we'd be in the wilderness with nothing. We'd be easy prey for those animals, and for the aliens when they inevitably found us.
The sky is pretty, though.
It's a little strange.
I don't know if we can see our sun in those stars or not, nor where to look for it. I don't know how many stars out there now are hostile like this one.
But maybe the thought of going home soon is making it look nicer.
I'm sitting on the roof again. It's becoming a regular pastime for me. It's quiet and serene, and...it's the most privacy and time to think I've ever gotten on this world. Even if I am afraid, I can't say that the chance to just sit alone for awhile and enjoy the quiet isn't nice.
Even if it seems I'm not often alone up here.
The stars twinkle.
It's weird.
It feels like the world has stopped, like the time for the mission isn't ticking away.
I'm staring up at a beautiful night sky on a planet where I don't even want to be, but I'm thinking of the night sky back home.
Will I still like it?
Can I enjoy it knowing that something could sweep down and take me away?
Will I search the sky and wonder which star is the one for this planet, feel as if I stare too long I'll fall into it somehow?
Eric is still silent.
I don't want to mope and bring up my doubts again - I can't always be expecting others to cheer me up, and Eric seems...
Not in a cheery mood himself.
But I also don't like sitting in silence when someone is right there next to me.
Finally, I glance over at him.
"You ever get that feeling like if you stare up at a high ceiling long enough you'll start to fall upward?"
He startles, then blinks and turns his gaze toward the stars. "...I think so?" His expression is thoughtful. "...Yeah. Yeah, that sounds about right."
He leans back, now looking up.
I don't look away from the sky.
"I keep wondering if there are stars up there from planets that have humans, or even Earth."
Eric's expression is grim, and I don't look over at it. "Yeah." His tone is bitter. "...I've been wondering the same thing for awhile. How many place have humans scattered and lost across them, with no hope and a fading memory of home..."
"...That's grim, dude."
"Well, I mean. It is, isn't it? That's our future, if things don't work out." His gaze flickers. "Maybe even if they do."
"...You think the plan won't work?"
"I didn't say that." He huffs. "...I don't know if it will or not, I guess." His eyes are fixed on the sky. "But...if it fails...if it fails..."
I'm silent.
I'm waiting for him to finish his thought, and he doesn't.
But his expression looks...
Haunted, in a way I can't describe. I wonder what it is he's seeing, and what's going on inside his head. I wonder if there's a way for me to help, to ease it, to do anything. But I think, just as with me, the problem isn't one that can be fixed with a few kind words and some encouragement.
His gaze has shifted, but it hasn't moved. It's not looking at the stars anymore, not really.
"Ivan says that the mission won't go right. That something will go wrong, but we just need to make it go in our favor."
Eric's expression darkens. "He thinks so, does he?"
"...Yeah, he does." I bite the inside of my cheek. "He's been doing this a lot longer than we have, you know. A lot longer, Eric."
Eric crosses his arms. "He's been failing a lot longer."
"...I don't think it counts as failing if he's been keeping all these people alive for who even knows how many years." I huff, looking at him. "...And if the mission fails, it's not the end of it. It just means that we have to keep trying."
"Or that it's a sign to give up and stop wasting resources."
"...Would you really just give up on going home after one failure?"
Eric is quiet, his gaze fixed on the horizon.
Finally he speaks again. "...Do you ever think about a bad place. Nowhere specific, just a place you don't want to be, and feel afraid that if you keep thinking about it, you'll suddenly be there?"
His words are unexpected, but I think I understand what he means. I nod.
"...Sometimes." I hum, staring up at the stars again. "...I used to be afraid of waking up on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere, or suddenly finding myself in the deep ocean."
He blinks, as if this answer catches him off-guard, and after a moment he snorts and lightly shoves my shoulder. "That's ridiculous. What kind of scary movies were you watching to imagine those spots?"
I laugh, and shove his shoulder in retaliation. "You asked! Where else would I be imagining?!"
His expression fades to something distant again. Faintly grim. "...Where else." His voice is faint.
I'm silent.
Eric's thoughts seem far away from me, but he doesn't elaborate. Maybe it's just because he's always been so reserved, and doesn't like to open up.
I think about that feeling, and glance back up at the sky.
"...Yeah, but it'd be a good thing now." I say, without really thinking about it.
"...Hm?"
"If we just...thought about it and ended up in that place. Even an abandoned road on Earth is still Earth."
Eric's smile turns bitter.
"It's true." Mia's voice pipes up from behind us, startling us. We turn around, but she just moves to sit down on the other side of me. "Even in a terrible spot, if we were home it'd be a blessing. But it's not a curse I'd want." Her eyes are fixed on the horizon. "If it really worked like that, we'd be able to think our way back here again, too."
I don't say anything to that. She has a point.
"...Well~!" Mia settles her hands on our shoulders, breaking the silence with a smile that looks a little more fake than most of hers. "Dinner is ready. Can't zap our way back home with a thought, so we'd better keep ourselves healthy with food, right?"
"Zap? Is that how you'd call it...?" I huff, and stand up.
I don't know why, but it sounds a lot sillier and less profound when she puts it that way. But...well, she's not wrong.
If we're going to have a chance of getting home, we need to stay fed and strong. And not think too much about the fear we'll be here forever. Or that we'll get caught.
Because...
There's a chance that we won't.
And that means there's a chance we get home again.
I guess it's not just me who needs to focus more on that part.