The late afternoon sun filtered lazily through the classroom windows, painting golden streaks across the desks. Most of the class had already left for club activities or the walk home. Only Ai and Rika remained, basking in that quiet stillness that always came just before dusk.
Ai stretched with a happy groan, arms raised over her head, her back arching like a cat before she flopped forward again, chin resting on her folded arms.
"Man," she sighed dramatically. "I'm in such a good mood today."
Rika glanced over from her notebook, where she was pretending to review something—though nothing had registered for the past ten minutes. "Let me guess. Onii-San sent you another voice message?"
Ai giggled. "Three actually. He was complaining about how long the class is goining on. It was so cute."
"Right. Adorable," Rika muttered dryly, but there was no real annoyance behind it.
Ai rolled onto her side, propping her head up with one hand, her eyes glittering with mischief. "Hey, Rika."
"Hm?"
"Do you like someone?"
Rika stiffened slightly. "What?"
Ai grinned wider. "Come on. You've gotta like someone. A boy in our class? A senpai? Someone from another school?"
Rika gave a weak laugh, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Where's this coming from?"
"I mean, I just told you everything about how messed up I am," Ai said, poking Rika's side. "It's only fair. Spill it. I wanna know your type. Is it quiet bookworm guys? Cool upperclassmen? Or maybe someone from the soccer team?"
*Why is she asking this now? Is she serious? Does she actually think I'd just… say something like that out loud? Like it's easy? Like it's nothing?*
Ai gasped, hand flying to her chest. "No way. You're seriously saying there's not a single boy you've got your eye on? Come on."
"It's not that weird," Rika said, a little too quickly. "Not everyone's in a romance manga, Ai."
"But you're super pretty and sweet and, like, emotionally stable," Ai argued, crossing her arms. "You should totally be the type some shy guy crushes on."
Rika gave her a sidelong look. "Emotionally stable? Really? I'm sitting here listening to you gush about your brother."
Ai stuck out her tongue. "He's special. That's different."
Rika laughed, shaking her head. Ai's energy was impossible to match when she got like this.
"So," Ai pressed again, leaning in, voice low and conspiratorial, "you're telling me there's no one? No little flutter when someone brushes your hand? No racing heart when someone says your name?"
Rika hesitated—just for a second. That one heartbeat too long.
And Ai noticed.
"Ooooh," Ai sing-songed, sitting up straighter. "There is someone! Rikaaaa, tell me!"
Rika snorted, but the teasing hit a little too close. She glanced away, pretending to fuss with her bag. "I don't really… like anyone like that."
Ai gasped, hand flying to her chest. "No way. You're seriously saying there's not a single boy you've got your eye on? Come on."
"It's not that weird," Rika said, a little too quickly. "Not everyone's in a romance manga, Ai."
"But you're super pretty and sweet and, like, emotionally stable," Ai argued, crossing her arms. "You should totally be the type some shy guy crushes on."
"I-I don't like anyone," Rika muttered, looking away.
Ai squinted at her, as if trying to catch her in a lie. "Liar."
"I'm not lying," Rika insisted, maybe a little too fast.
*Stop blushing. She's going to notice. Stop fidgeting. Just breathe. You're not twelve. Just answer like a normal girl would. Say some random guy's name. Anyone. That sleepy-eyed dude, maybe. Lie. Just lie.*
"But you're always blushing when we talk about love," Ai teased, nudging Rika's shoulder playfully. "Even when I say super dirty stuff, your ears go all red."
*Because it's you saying it. Because the things you say make my chest twist up and my stomach do flips. Because I can't think straight when you whisper stuff like that, Ai…*
Rika rolled her eyes, trying to stay composed. "That's just because you're shameless. You say the most embarrassing things in the middle of lunch."
Ai giggled again, sipping her juice like she hadn't just poked a hornet's nest. "So, there's no one? Not even a teeny tiny crush?"
Rika hesitated.
*There is. You. It's you. It's always been you. But I can't say that. You'd laugh. You'd look confused. You'd ask if I was joking. And then maybe… maybe you'd stop leaning so close. Maybe you'd stop hugging me from behind every morning. Maybe you'd stop telling me everything about your twisted, beautiful, terrifying love for your brother.*
"No one," Rika repeated, a little more firmly this time. "Seriously."
Ai frowned for half a second, then shrugged it off with another grin. "That's boring."
*I'm sorry I'm boring. I'm sorry I can't just tell you the truth. I'm sorry I want something you'll never be able to give. But if boring means I get to stay next to you like this… I'll be boring forever.*
Ai leaned back, stretching with a content sigh. Her shirt lifted just slightly, showing a flash of pale skin above her skirt's waistband. Rika's eyes flicked away.
*Don't look. Don't think about how soft she looks. Don't think about what it'd feel like to touch her there. Don't imagine her turning, catching you staring, and smiling like she knows—because she doesn't. She doesn't know. She can't.*
Ai hummed softly, the kind of sound she made when she was thinking about something nice. Or maybe something naughty. With Ai, the line was always blurred.
"You really don't have a type?" she asked, peeking at Rika from the corner of her eye. "Not even a preference?"
Rika shrugged, feigning disinterest. "Tall, I guess. Smart. Not loud."
Ai gave her a mock-offended pout. "So not like me at all, huh?"
*No. Exactly you. You, in all your annoying, gorgeous, firecracker glory. You, with your ridiculous honesty and your stupidly big heart. You, with your obsessive love for someone you shouldn't love. You, who'll never look at me the way I want.*
"Maybe the opposite of you," Rika said aloud, forcing a teasing smile.
Ai gasped, dramatically clutching her chest. "Ouch, betrayal."
"Just being honest," Rika replied, trying to laugh.
Lying through my teeth. Every word a defense mechanism. Every breath a silent scream.
They fell into a comfortable silence, or at least it was comfortable for Ai. For Rika, her thoughts were a chaotic mess, swirling like a storm behind her neutral expression.
*She's never going to notice, is she? Even when I stare too long. Even when I flinch every time she says his name like a prayer. Even when I break a little more inside, hearing her say she'd puke if she kissed a girl. That she'd gag if she ever felt that way.*
*And yet… when she said she loved me, even just as a friend… it made me happy. Pathetically happy.*
Rika closed her eyes for a second.
*I'm the second most loved person in her life. That's what she said. Me. Not her parents. Not a cousin. Me. I'm number two, after him. And that should be enough. That should be more than enough.*
But it wasn't.
I want to be first.
She knew it was selfish. She knew it was stupid. But feelings didn't care about logic. They didn't respect friendship or boundaries or the painful truths Ai had already laid bare.
*You don't choose who you love. I didn't wake up one day and decide that my heart should beat faster every time you touch me. I didn't plan this. I didn't want this. But here I am, living in your shadow, in the warmth of a love that's always going to belong to someone else.*
Ai leaned forward again, this time resting her chin on Rika's shoulder, startling her slightly.
"You really don't like anyone? Not even a tiny crush?"
Her breath tickled Rika's neck.
*Stop. Please stop being so close. Please stop being so sweet. I can't take it. I can't keep pretending I'm okay. I'm not okay.*
Rika shook her head. "Not really. I've just been focused on school and stuff."
Ai pouted. "Boring answer again. You need to live a little, Rika-chan."
"I'm living just fine," Rika said, biting back the lump in her throat.
*Living in the spaces between your smiles. Surviving on scraps of affection. Holding my breath every time you say 'I love you' because I know it'll never mean what I want it to mean.*
Then Ai's voice softened. "Hey… do you think I'm weird?"
Rika blinked. "Huh?"
"For loving Onii-chan like this."
Rika stared at her.
*Every day. Every moment. Every confession, every dream you share with me… it cuts a little deeper. And I still love you. That probably makes me just as weird.*
"No," she said aloud. "I think you're… honest. And brave. And kind of terrifying."
Ai giggled. "I'll take it."
They sat like that for a while, shoulder to shoulder, the world outside their little bento box of secrets fading into a blur.
*I'll keep this to myself. I'll guard it like a treasure, even if it hurts. Because you deserve to be loved fully, without confusion or compromise. Even if it's not by me. Even if it's by him.*
Rika exhaled slowly, closing her eyes.
*I can't tell you. Not now. Maybe not ever. But if loving you means being your friend and nothing more, I'll do it. I'll stay here. Right by your side. Until the end.*
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END OF CHAPTER : 58 : SO, WHO DO YOU LIKE?
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