[6.30 AM]
It was morning—Too early for a morning, as the moon and stars were still holding onto the sky. But before we could savour a breakfast worth of the morning, we were interrupted by a guest knocking on the door.
"Uh...? Wha...? Who...?" Starglaze awakens at a basket of clothes with a face so disturbed from his sleep. His eyes are not seeing well from that wake, and he looks even crumpled than my blue blouse.
"Quick, you two! Hide somewhere now!"
"Okay! Come on, Starsy..."
"What...hiding...from who...where am I...?" Starglaze is dazed. He couldn't even fly properly.
There were no words to utter. We're hiding in the wardrobe just as mother commanded. A human arrived untimely in this early morning, and we are not going to greet her in this form or even by name. Mother and father had to make sure this guest wouldn't go any further.
"Sebastian...? Is it...is it him?"
"What? *Yawn* What are you talking about...?"
Knock! Knock! Knock! The guest was an impatient one, keeping her knocking harder so everyone could hear them coming. But each second they weren't answered, their knocks hardened and fastened. It sounded so grim and terrible that I felt like I heard it before.
"He's here! He's here!"
The confinement, the fear, and the faint but inevitable knocking on the door. Didn't I have a dream about this scenery before? Yes, and I still remember that moment tightly in my head. What a failure I was when this happened, and I told myself I could buy some time from Sebastian's wrath.
"No, no...it couldn't be him...it can't be him..." My body remembers everything well from the stance.
"Pearl, it's okay. He's not here..." Starglaze mumbled.
I was panicked. The scenery here was dampened and unsettling, just like the time I had to hide from Sebastian after that one failed show. My arms were twitching at the door, trying to hold them steady from anyone who could've opened it.
"B-but what if he was here? What if he was...waiting...for me?"
"Then let's give him one night of a beat. What's he gonna do without his leash on us anymore?"
"Hehe, yeah! We will...heh..."
Having Starglaze on my side always raises my spirit whenever I feel at my lowest. He was the closest one, the only Joyling who made my day throughout six years alone without anyone's help. But even the brave Joyling still cannot compete with the wicked man and his dark brilliance.
"*Sobs* I shouldn't have taken that position..."
"Pearl?" Starglaze looked at me.
There was a silence in the house afterwards. We didn't hear any knocks, but we heard someone's voice downstairs whose tone was loud enough to our ears. It was a woman's voice—a relief for me. But it wasn't a nice one. It was a loud one, and we could hear it so angrily.
"About bloody time! Thought you'd gone off to disappoint some other poor lads inside! Oh, right...you're a loner."
"It's 6.30 in the morning. What else would take me long?"
"Maybe next time you skedaddle off, David, try not be a night hawk, eh?"
"Why are you here, Barbara?"
I heard their conversation aloud, with the woman being so rude and mean that she lashes out at father, while father mumbled in a scoffing tone. They were arguing about something important, and they weren't having peace.
"Had me peepers on this place, reckon I oughta fetch pop's old shooter he gave ya—back when you're a backbone and not a tailbone. The old geezer reckons he could handle one more turn in Duskram, unlike his muppet son puffin on a fag like it's his last meal. Got nuffin rattlin' in that noggin o' yours today, have ya?"
The woman's word was confusing. It is as if someone gave a trash bin the ability to talk. It was terrible, and even Starglaze couldn't tell how rude this woman was compared to him. We could only stand and watch this conversation follow. She seems to bear resentment just by looking at father's face, and the human father could only accept it like a fearful Joyling. Although his face says that he isn't bothered by anything but annoyance.
"That old man still wants to go out in the wild? Even in that age?"
"Yes, hand the rifle immediately, I'll be sure your home stays boggin'..."
"What's with the painting? Got another one bairn on the bed?"
"Acetone..."
We heard mother's voice downstairs right after father was no longer around. He was going somewhere, leaving the poor mother to handle that rude woman's manner. The two of them weren't doing any better than father, and I could see why.
"Looks like I woke the trouble early...apology..." The rude woman was greeting mother with a sneering tone.
"No need. Your leave would be forgiven."
There was a pause, and there were footsteps following. They were heading somewhere with their words, but it was clear they weren't looking for something good in their destination. We still couldn't move out of our place.
"Can we go out now, Pearl? I wanted to eat..." Starglaze was being too desperate.
"Shh!"
The woman picked her seat in the mansion like another human, despite the two humans being unwilling to give her a seat. She was becoming more pretentious with her tone, yet nobody stopped her from doing so. The humans remained quiet as if they were serving a queen.
"I'll go make a snack here...maybe some raw, crushed eggs..."
"For a pair of lovebirds, you're making a fair go of it—considering you started off as gutter-born from Norwich. Might've fancied you meself... if it weren't for me daft brother, that is."
"I daresay, conversations of this nature do have a knack for unsettling the more delicate-minded. Fetch your firearm if you must—I'll see myself out with all the haste of a passing breeze, should my presence offend."
"You think we didn't know...?"
"Now that I think of it. I've often felt drawn—perhaps unwisely so—into this wretched affair between you and your husband—A most unfortunate entanglement, I must say."
"What?" Donna cracks.
My mother didn't look too much happy with her words. I could hear her teeth gritting, and I could hear the rude woman still sneering at her. Her last words only made my mother even more furious, leading the two in a silence I could tell was as hateful as the tension between Frowlings.
"Oh, forgive me—I misspoke. By 'affair', I meant the matter of your children, not... well, the two of you. Heaven knows that neither of you would stoop to infidelity. Alas, parenting is quite another shortcoming. Am I right?"
It was too much for me—I couldn't handle standing alone in this wardrobe for long. The thought of even waiting has me deluded in the misguiding spotlight again. The rude woman made me even more displeased.
"Why did she has to be so rude to her...?"
"Mom was just trying her best. Like I do..."
I feel lost and helpless as I hear my mother in that room without my help. She was trying to make the rude woman happy, but she didn't feel even an inch of satisfaction for her. My eyes were closed, but my ears were always open. Being confined to these thoughts only makes me even more devastated. I felt restrained, but I didn't feel weak anymore. I feel cold.
"Pearl. Open the door."
"Not now, Starglaze."
"What? I didn't say anything." Starglaze tries to deny it.
"Yes, you did. You just tell me to open the door."
"No, I didn't!"
"Door. Open the door."
"Starglaze, stop it..." I begged him again. But he denies it.
"Stop what? I said nothing!"
"Why are you here? Open the door."
"I don't want to go, Starglaze! Stop it...!" I feel the rage.
"Are you nuts? Fix your ears, I haven't said anything!"
"Leave this place, now."
"Fine! Do you want to leave? Then leave!"
I slammed the door open, letting the fresh air come out as Starglaze, and I was finally out. I hope he was satisfied when he begged for that air and light he was looking for. I was so furious, and I felt so angered that he had to let me down with those words.
"Pearl, what's wrong with you?" Starglaze confronted me with a blind eye again. I replied calmly with disappointment.
"What's wrong with what? You asked me to leave the wardrobe!"
"I didn't? Where did I say that?"
"You just did. You—"
"Are you lost?"
The voice didn't align with Starglaze's lips. It wasn't his words, as he told me. But that voice didn't even sound like Sebastian, either. It came to my head and echoed in my ears, telling me to do those things. That voice sounded like...me?
"Pearl? Are you okay?"
"Y-yeah, I'm fine. Don't mind what I say..."
"What? But you just—"
"Let's find mother, okay? Let's look after her. We need to know if that rude woman was hurting her..."
We left the wardrobe against my mother's wishes, slowly descending, curious about the sound below. The Star could attend the human mother speaking, joined by a woman whose boldness bordered on insult, while the Pearl heard a voice so rude and cold it seemed heartless, even for a human.
"Always thought poor Christine lays a wrong puff on this house..." The rude woman still mumbled downstairs. My name was mentioned in a way I didn't want that woman to call it.
We went downstairs, watching two shadows from the living room, one being the human I knew from the hatless head. The other wears her hat short but tall with a slight flower hanging on top. We went slowly for a check, getting a clear view of that woman sitting on the couch with the human mother in a menacing stance. She was taking the treat so disrespectfully.
"Who do you think this woman is?"
"Someone's terrible. She couldn't be our family. She has no value in Starstuhm's name."
"Yeah, right."
We've set ourselves close in the living room, and still, that rude woman couldn't stop blabbering and insulting my mother. My mother was preparing some egg snacks on the table when she heard the rude woman criticizing us.
"How long since I last uttered her name? Two months, perhaps—though time has a way of slipping unnoticed." She sips her tea tauntingly.
"And yet… with each passing day of her absence, I cannot help but ponder—what, truly, became of her mother?"
"*Sigh* get my daughter's name out of your mouth." Donna glanced menacingly.
"Why not? She faded out of you now, dear?"
"See the picture, lady? It's still lit with candles..."
My mother shows the rude woman her wardrobe, where a picture of a young girl sits between lit candles. That girl is supposed to be me, and she looks more human yet messy. She didn't look so well, but she smiled in the picture so happily before she was layered in pearly skin.
"Is that me?" I awed. I was beautiful, already enough as who I am.
"Woah, girl! Looks like you've got your life ahead of you..." Starglaze comments.
"Glad you're not a human anymore."
"Is that a compliment?" I find that an insult.
Yet the woman is still dissatisfied with her answer, even going as far as being too mean for her pity. She didn't like the human mother's words, which were all frowns and glums at the girl she had lost many years ago. Instead, she made it seem that the human mother must feel guilty even more.
"And what of the grave? The mass? That fleeting moment in the light Christine once possessed? Have you, even once, borne the weight of sorrow—or merely worn the face of it?" That rude woman puts her tea down, trying to downplay everything about my mother's mistake.
"What is she talking about...?" I grew furious.
"Do you not see? A mother such as yourself has faltered gravely. You let your daughter slip away, and your finest act of remembrance... is a portrait gathering dust?"
"Take heed, if you will. My children do not stray—they are reared with vigilance and love, to grow in my image, and not be lost to shadows or folly."
How careless was she to lend her voice to hatred? Each new word was uttered from her mouth, and I felt like she wasn't happy with me. I didn't feel angry, just devoid of happiness hearing her criticizing my mother.
"Have you no rebuttal? No spirited defence? I had rather thought you'd be eager to prove me mistaken." She keeps pushing.
"Does it look like I could? You seemed to enjoy hurting us more than you care for my daughter," My mother glanced at the remnants of yolks on her hand.
Barbara sighed and looked away. "You've outdone yourself, Donna. I could only hope that you and David are happy with that choice."
Then I heard her questioning what she wanted from me. She wasn't happy, and I feel even low for what she has to bring here. I felt angered, but I wasn't as furious as I wished to inflict on her. I feel weird, and I feel like I wasn't supposed to be angry with her—I am...unhappy.
"Perhaps it's time someone said it plainly—your daughter was ever so like you: spirited, but quite without aim. And for what? Ballet?"
"Ballet, truly—what merit remains in it? Who bothers to watch such frivolity now? A woman spinning about in skirts, and we're meant to applaud? And yet, you filled Christine's head with notions that she was already a star?"
"No one attends ballet these days—no one of consequence, at any rate."
"You might've considered steering her toward something a touch more refined—poetry, for instance. My own girl took to verse quite naturally, and just look at her now. Yours seemed rather enchanted with fanciful spins and childish spectacle. That Pristine Pearl or whatever it is..."
"And to think—David and yourself, I'd presumed you'd at least instil in her some sense of purpose. Letting her idle away with that strange little cartoon programme… well, it hardly speaks of good judgement, does it?"
"We of the Starstuhm line have scarcely heard your name spoken in years. As for David—he's become a stranger, and this house? Untouched and unchanged until now. That is no commendation, I assure you."
"Perhaps you've forgotten, but a Starstuhm who forsakes their role—be it on stage or in life—is marked forever by failure. Much like the day you let her walk alone into that studio... and never return."
Crack! The egg tears into the bowl, ready to serve as a treat.
"Enough!" Donna slams the table.
That was the last pearl to clutch. My eyes have been widened for too long, and my ears have been open for so many words. As I was frozen on the spot, the world felt cold around me for I was empty of achievement.
"*Huff*" I breathe a sigh and leave the room.
"Pearl, where are you going?"
I left as I made my choice clear. Back to the shadow I was, I walked away and hoped only for that rude woman to never return to us ever again. If I were a failure, then I had to prove her wrong by doing the best I could to my parents. I knew she was wrong, and I just needed to show it.
"Good heavens, one might think you'd used paper and prayer in place of proper bricks. There's a chill in here that feels rather like Death himself brushing past."
"What? I didn't feel any cold."
The lounge is the only place I can reflect on myself, as I feel even a slight discomfort from her words affecting me. The mirrors here were all mine to see, but I was not happy enough.
I heard my father returning with a weapon—a gun, to be precise. He was handing it over to the woman, which I find unwise. I feel like we were giving this guest too much leverage. So annoying.
"Here's the rifle. I haven't let anything touch it yet, so you know it still works."
"I must say, I'm rather astonished it hasn't been carted off to market or reduced to scrap by now. Remarkable—responsibility suits you. Pity it seems to be such a rare occasion."
"Can't you just leave us alone now? This is early in the morning and we still have a lot to do here!" That's the voice of my mother.
"Well, I shall leave you both to your little moon of affection. I had rather hoped for a final glimpse of the upper floor—unless, of course, your daughter has miraculously risen to show it to me herself."
The woman didn't waste any time staying for another talk, prompting her to leave the house with her chin raised in contempt. She left the room without eating the human mother's treat and left her cup still filled with tea.
She went into her cart without speaking much, taking that weapon she was given like the queen she was, but she didn't look like the one earning that well. Somehow, I started to feel pity for these humans. She disappears into the fog, yet her meanness lingers in this mansion like a vapour, degrading these humans' names.
"Alright, time to tell Pearl she could go out now."
"It's okay, father. I've heard everything. Can't say you two have a good time here..." I walked out of the lounge with Starglaze.