Sigh.
Ever wonder why there's no hole up there anymore?
Yeah, same. But guess what? I figured it out. We're not stuck. We're not lost.We're fucked.
"This is a different timeline," I declared, my voice echoing in the cave like some dramatic anime protagonist dropping plot bombs.
Everyone turned to look at me like I just told them I was secretly a potato.
Lumine narrowed her eyes. "How can you say that?"
"Because I've watched enough time-travel shows to know that when the hole you fell from disappears, and nothing makes sense, you've been Isekai'd."
Yanfei blinked. "What does that even—"
"Look. We fell, right? There was a hole. A very sexy, terrifying hole. We drop, fight for our lives, somehow survive, and just when we think we're walking out—BAM! We're in the same place again, only it's not the same. It's like... same cake, different icing. We're not stuck in a cave. We're stuck in time."
Everyone looked at me.
Blank stares. Vacant expressions.
Even Yelan looked concerned.
So I tried again. Razor-style.
"Like... you know when you chase squirrel, but suddenly forest smell different, and moon is too close? It same, but not same. We... trapped. In loop. Loop forest. Not squirrel's fault. Time... go wrong."
"OH!" Paimon gasped.
"OH!" Yanfei gasped, louder, just to be extra.
"...Oh," Lumine said, finally getting it.
Thank you, Razor, wherever you are. Your wisdom continues to save dumbasses like me every day.
"Well," I clapped my hands once, then immediately regretted the energy it took, "since we're already spiritually and emotionally bankrupt, might as well look for a way to save our asses, yeah?"
Yelan nodded and vanished into the shadows because that's what she does. Ninja tax evasion, or something.
Itto and Ushi came back minutes later. "Bad news! Still nothing!"
I laid down on the cold stone floor like a dramatic theatre kid auditioning for Hamlet. "That's it. I'm done. Just gonna lie here until the abyss takes me. Someone tell Nilou I loved her."
In my mind, I sobbed.
I didn't even get to propose. Didn't get to see her dance one last time. She didn't get to become my Mrs. Shigeru.
FUCK YOU, DEV QUEST DESIGNERS.
Itto pumped a fist. "We can't just sit here twiddling our thumbs—let's keep looking! Shinobu, you stay here with my precious savior! I'll take the rest with me."
Shinobu nodded. "Got it. Be careful."
I was still on the ground.
"Idiot," Lumine muttered and loomed over me. "Let's go."
"Do we really have to?!" I flailed like a soggy worm. "I've accepted death!"
Her glare said 'get your dumbass up or I'm drop-kicking you into the Void.'
I stood. Immediately. "Right... coming... ma'am."
We roamed. We explored. We scouted. We found—
Absolutely nothing.
Itto sighed. Lumine folded her arms like a disappointed mom. I slumped against the wall like I
just got dumped, fired, and punched by Diluc all at once. Ushi mooed solemnly.
Paimon crossed her arms. "Seems like there's really no way out."
Itto growled, frustrated. "I can't shake the feeling something's off about this place."
You think???
I twirled my finger like a broken fidget spinner. "Told you guys. This isn't the Chasm we knew. Or so I say. Different dimension. Different timeline. Probably different taxes."
Lumine raised a brow. "And what do you think we should do then?"
I looked at her with the wisdom of a thousand tired gacha pulls.
"For now? We rest. We brainstorm. And most importantly... we eat."
Cue dramatic silence.
Because if we're gonna die here, I swear I'm doing it on a full stomach.
Right, so we're still fucked.
Not like mildly inconvenienced. Not like oopsies-we-took-a-wrong-turn fucked. No. I mean capital F, bolded, underlined, italicized, and signed-by-the-Archons kind of FUCKED.
The kind that makes you question every choice you made since birth. Like, should I have just stayed home and become a cabbage farmer? Should I have simp-cried over Nilou a little less? Should I have paid more attention in spatial-dimensional-time-shenanigans class back in—oh wait, that never existed.
So yeah.
We were having a moment of collective doom when Shinobu showed up, her usual no-nonsense face on, asking:"Boss, did you find something?"
And since my actual boss—Itto—was busy doing... nothing (probably internally debating if Ushi should get a raise), I spoke up for the both of us.
"Yeah," I said solemnly. "We found out that we're totally fucked. Like ten minutes ago. Real hard-hitting discovery, honestly. You missed the group panic attack."Shinobu blinked.
"Oh," she said.
Just that. Oh.
Then she shrugged and said the most logical thing anyone has said this entire fever dream:"In that case, maybe I should make better use of my time."
AND SHE JUST—she just walked over to a corner of the cave, summoned a spark, and started roasting Lavander Melon like we weren't stuck in a mystery-chasm-blackhole-void-dimension-timeline-circus.
"Lavander Melon?" Lumine asked, walking over.
Kuki stood up, completely calm—like we weren't stranded in the Twilight Zone—and replied, "Yeah. Roasted Lavander Melon is delicious. You can try some when it's done."
Lumine nodded and actually smiled. SMILED. Like food in a cursed domain was totally normal. And for a moment, even I felt something warm in my cold dead soul...
...but then I remembered we were still trapped.
Anyway.
A few minutes later, Yanfei joined us, nose in the air like a cartoon character sniffing a pie."Ooh," she said. "I thought I smelled something cooking."
"Want to try some?" Shinobu offered.
"Thank you, but I'm not hungry. You guys go ahead."
And then! Plot twist!
They started CHITCHATTING. Like for real. Turns out, Yanfei was Shinobu's senpai back in law school or something. I sat there with my jaw unhinged like a confused anime side character who didn't read the script.
Just when I was about to stand up and yeet myself into the abyss out of secondhand social awkwardness, Yelan finally returned.
"I see everyone is still here," she said, looking mildly amused like this was just her afternoon tea party.
I groaned and stretched, dragging my soul back into my body like a hungover cat."Finally," I muttered. "Bow Mommy is here. Let's try to escape this madness, yeah?"
Everyone turned.
"So you have finally returned to your usual useful self, hmm?" Lumine asked, arms crossed and brow raised.
I grinned like the moron I am.
"I just realized," I said dramatically, placing a hand on my chest, "that I still don't want to give up on the idea of marrying Nilou yet. So I better escape this madness. And, you know... save the Anemo Emo while we're at it."
Everyone froze.
Eyes widened.
Paimon, God bless her floating little self, gasped.
"Right! Xiao is still here!"
Lumine muttered something under her breath. I caught something along the lines of "that Nilou again" and "who even is she"—very much sulking energy—but, being the genius I am, I ignored it.
I stood up and did the ol' Shigeru stretch.
"Everyone," I asked dramatically. "How many days have we been here?"
"Twenty," Itto said.
"One," Yelan replied.
"Five," Lumine muttered.
I smirked.
"Told you guys so. Space-time distortion, baby. Welcome to the Twilight Chasm. Population: Screwed."
I cracked my neck, stood tall (figuratively—my spine's been through things), and looked at Yelan."You've found a suspicious path, correct?"
She raised a brow, smirking a little.
"Maybe."
I pointed like a cheesy JRPG protagonist.
"Then lead the way, Bow Mommy. Time waits for no simp."
Alright.
So here we are... again. In front of a suspicious-looking tunnel that may or may not lead to our collective doom. Like seriously, how many questionable holes, cursed portals, ancient doorways, and suspicious glowing thingamajigs do we need to walk into before someone says, "Hey, maybe this is a terrible idea!"
But who am I kidding? We always go in.
"So..." I mutter, staring blankly into the stone tunnel like it owes me Mora. "Who wants to go inside this tunnel and regret everything?"
Everyone looks at me like I'm the deranged one. I mean, I am. But that's not the point.
Yelan sighs beside me, her voice as smooth as the way she crushes my dignity with a stare. "He's not completely wrong. Appearances can be deceiving. As I was examining the wall just now, I noticed something unusual about this stone. Seems to me it's been created using illusory magic. Hidden behind it lies a passageway."
Paimon gasps. "Whoa, so there really is a path behind here!"
Itto grins, hands on his hips like he just solved world peace. "Gotta hand it to ya, that sure wasn't easy to find, but at least we can finally get outta here! Maybe there's snacks on the other side! Oni-sense never lies!"
Yanfei adjusts her glasses, smiling. "Good eyes, Yelan. That was a neat trick."
Lumine nods. "Yeah, all thanks to Yelan."
"Aight, enough chit-chat," I say, raising a finger. "Let's move forward to our doom, people!"
Shinobu mumbles, "Could you at least pretend to be optimistic?"
"Nope," I say. "Optimism died in the last domain."
Itto flexes. "Well then let pessimism fuel us! LET'S GOOO!"
—
Spoiler alert: We moved forward. Straight into another portal.
"Right," I deadpan, staring at the glowing swirl of death in front of us. "Another portal that is probably trying to kill us. Great."
Nobody disagrees. That's how you know we're all tired.
Paimon grumbles, "Why is it always portals? Can't we get, like, a normal door for once? Maybe even a friendly talking door?"
"Last time we had a talking door, it threatened to eat us," Yanfei reminds her.
Itto scratches his head. "Oh yeah! That guy! He was weird. Pretty funny, though."
Eventually, after some shoving, some encouraging (threatening) from Lumine, and Paimon doing that floating-judging thing, we all jumped in. Because of course we did.
On the other side... surprise! Another domain. Because why just survive when you can suffer?In the middle stood this ancient-looking device pointing toward four different corners. So obviously, we decided to split up. Because splitting up always works well in horror stories.Team assignments went as follows:
Shinobu with Itto (chaos and damage control combo)
Yelan with Yanfei (elegance and actual logic)
Lumine with Paimon (power and snack-based commentary)
And me...
With myself.
"Hey!?" I flail my arms. "Why am I alone?! This feels like discrimination! Is it because I'm too handsome?"
Lumine rolls her eyes like it's her full-time job. "Why don't you bring your Nilou and ask her to help you?"
I open my mouth, pause. Brain.exe crashes.
"Come on! She's in Sumeru—oops."
Lumine squints.
I am now Shigeru: Public enemy number one.
Paimon just sighs. She doesn't even try to stop me anymore. We've reached that level of acceptance.
Shinobu facepalms. "Every time he opens his mouth, I feel my IQ drop."
"On second thought," I say, slapping my cheeks like a man with a renewed death wish, "I think I can do this alone, yeah! Definitely can! Let's go, guys!"
Itto slaps my back. "That's the spirit! Lone wolf style! Or maybe, lone tanuki? Wait, no, you're too dramatic for a tanuki. More like... lone flaming squirrel!"
"...What does that even mean?"
"Dunno. Just go with it!"
—
So I do go. Alone. Like the brave idiot I am.
I twist gears, flip switches, yell at a wall, and step on what I think is a rune but might just be an ancient landmine. Got blasted by one fire trap, stabbed by floor spikes (twice), and insulted by a floating ghost or memory or maybe just a hallucination.
Standard stuff.
"Note to self," I mutter, dodging an arrow trap that nearly skewered my hair. "Next time, flirt with danger less literally."
Then I hear it.
A voice. Not mine this time. Xiao's. That low, angsty Anemo emo boy tone echoing through the walls.
"Right," I mutter, holding a lever in one hand and a bruised ego in the other. "He's probably near. We better hurry."
Eventually, after what felt like twelve lifetimes and one deep personal crisis, we regroup in the middle.
Everyone's dusty, mildly traumatized, and all-around exhausted.
Paimon floats down, blinking. "The ground... has dissolved? What's down there?"
"Our doom," I reply without missing a beat.
Itto peers over the edge, eyes sparkling like a five-star drop. "Looks like another drop. Sweet! Maybe there's a boss fight at the bottom! Or treasure! Or both!"
"That's not... really the word I'd use," Yanfei says.
Shinobu slaps the back of his head. "This isn't an adventure game, Boss."
"Coulda fooled me! We've been doing puzzles and traps and dramatic monologues for hours!"
Yelan narrows her eyes, scanning the dissolving ground like a professional doom analyst. She points forward. "There. I see someone. That figure... it looks like the Conqueror of Demons."
I wave my hand like I'm swatting away a flying existential crisis. "Ignore that. It's a Xiao mirage or some memory echo. He's been here. It'll just slow us down."
Everyone stares.
"Trust me," I say, backing up, cracking my neck like I'm about to dive into my own grave. "Let's just move out."
Lumine raises an eyebrow. "You sure about this?"
"No," I say. "But when have we ever been sure about anything?"
Itto slams his fists together with a wild grin. "Hey! If we're gonna yeet ourselves into a pit of despair, might as well do it with style! Arataki Itto-style! WOOO!"
"Please don't encourage him," Shinobu mutters.
"And if we die," Itto adds, striking a pose like a failed rock star, "tell the world: We went out awesome!"
"Noted," Yanfei replies. "I'll make sure your memorial is shaped like your ego."
"Aw, you do care," Itto beams.
I take a deep breath.
And then—without hesitation, without thinking, and definitely without insurance—I jump.Of course everyone follows.
Because in this deranged group of time-looped survivors, emotionally scarred weirdos, and one oni with a boulder-sized confidence level...
I'm the normal one.
___________________________
End of chapter 77
Quests Completed:
*Uncover the mechanism that reveals the hidden tunnel through the illusionary wall.
*Enter the ominous glowing portal and prepare for pain, trauma, and another domain.
*Divide the team to activate mechanisms in four corners of the cursed domain.
*Encounter a mirage or memory of Xiao near the final chamber.
*Jump into the collapsing floor and prepare for the next phase.
*Accidentally expose Nilou obsession again and almost get yourself killed by a certain jealous blond.
Rewards:
*+100 Emotional Damage Resistance
*+10 Trauma Resistance
*+1 Fire Trap Dodge Roll Mastery
*+5 Resilience to Spike Floors
*+75 Sarcasm Mastery (Shigeru only)
*+50 Team Synergy (Minus Shinobu's patience)
*+2 Dramatic Monologue Power
*Ancient Mechanism Key Fragment x1
*Half-burnt snack from Itto's backpack x1 (Questionable Freshness)
*Cryptic Echo from Xiao x1