I was ready for a number of reactions: Confusion, denial, anger, sadness. What I didn't expect was the complete and utter silence that followed, with Helen remaining unmoving as her eyes, no longer staring into mine, glazed over. I just sat there, unsure of what to do. Luckily, it seemed I didn't have to make a choice as she finally directed her face back towards mine, a face almost devoid of any emotion.
"Are you telling the truth?" Her voice was nothing but a whisper, so quiet it almost got lost in the loud breezes that cascaded past.
"Yeah. I am." I sighed.
Before I could even react, Helen had her arms wrapped tightly around me, pulling me into a bone-breaking hug that forced me to exhale whatever air I had left in my lungs. In response, I simply sat there frozen in confusion. If I had been given one hundred guesses on how I expected the conversation to play out, I would have still failed. Slowly, after what must have been minutes, and after not too few glances by passing couples and families all looking on in an endearing fashion, not knowing the seriousness of the situation, Helen slowly released her grip.
Her face appeared once more in my line of sight, though this time no longer devoid of emotions. Her lips were placed in a slanted frown with tear stains streaked down her face. Seeing the look of sadness and devastation on her face destroyed me, to know the pain she felt was because of me. After all, the whole point of my plan had been to stop this exact thing from happening. On the other hand, however, just knowing that another person, just like my father and Sam, cared so much about me filled me with so much warmth and affection that I couldn't help but smile, a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless.
I slowly placed my hands on her cheeks, using my thumbs to carefully wipe away the smudged tear stains still on her face. "You know, I'm a bit surprised how calm you are. What, did you already figure it out?" I joked, trying to add both some levity to the conversation and also just naturally curious.
"I don't know, maybe a little." She responded as her body slumped into mine.
"Really? What do you mean, maybe a little?"
"Not that you were dying." She clarified. "But I knew that you weren't alright. That something was wrong."
"Really?" I asked in surprise. To which I just got a deadpan stare in response.
"Adam, I would have had to have been both blind and deaf not to have realised something was wrong with you. I mean you've been coughing constantly these past weeks, your skin has become almost deathly pale and every time we've had to walk at even a slightly quick pace you become winded and look as if you're about to pass out."
Suddenly, the tears which had dried up before came back with a vengeance, cascading down her face at an alarming rate. Her lower lip tucked underneath her top, and her brows quickly furrowed together. "I just can't believe it was this."
Not sure what to do, I did the only thing I could think of, placing her once more into a tight, heartfelt hug, resting her head gently underneath mine. Feeling the wetness of my shirt as her tears began soaking through my hoodie, an ice-cold chill permeated through my body as the cold winds blew across it. Eventually, as I started to feel her calm down, the shaking of her shoulders subsiding and the sounds of crying being replaced with only the occasional sniffle, I felt the sudden urge to apologise.
"I'm so sorry," I muttered quietly in her ear. "This was the one thing I didn't want to do. This was why I wanted to break up. So you would never know." Suddenly, I felt her leave my grasp as she sprang back up to attention, her face, while still marked with sorrow, now accompanied by an expression of anger.
"That's why you were planning on breaking up with me?" She asked in bewilderment. "What the hell is wrong with you? Are you an idiot? Did you somehow think I was never going to find out the truth? Stupid! Moron!" I raised my arms over my face, doing my best to block the rain of blows and slaps thrown my way, my only thought being that maybe Sam had been right after all. Maybe it wasn't the best idea after all.
As the blows began to thankfully taper down, with Helen being far too tired from the crying beforehand to continue her assault, I slowly lowered my guard and saw the look of outrage and hurt on her face.
"You're right," I quickly admitted with my hands held up in surrender. "It was a stupid idea. But the truth was, I just wanted to do what I thought was best for you. I realise now, of course, how stupidly wrong I was."
Upon hearing my confession, I saw the mask of anger on Helen's face begin to crack and wane slightly. Although her arms crossed over her chest told me she still wasn't entirely happy, as was proven a second later. "Damn right you were. I'm not some fucking fragile girl made out of eggshells who needs to be protected. You should damn well know that by now."
"You're right, you're right." I placated with my hands once again in the air. "After what I saw in the fight, you are most certainly not made of eggshells." Upon hearing my comment, Helen seemed to puff her chest out as a victorious smirk hung on her face.
"I can't take all the credit. Susan was like a crazed rottweiler. I honestly started to feel slightly sorry for the girl after the first minute or so."
"That doesn't surprise me. I mean, have you seen how she eats? I would rather fight Sam before going up against her." I don't know whether it was the sudden levity of the situation or just the deep desire to let out all our built-up emotions, but the two of us exploded into a string of laughs and giggles that seemed to have no end. No doubt looking insane to any of the passersby as we cackled like madmen, hunched over one another.
Unfortunately, I forgot that laughing like that was something I was no longer able to do, as only a few moments later, my laughter was replaced by choked coughs that left me debilitated and unable to move. It was as I was coughing up a storm, droplets of blood landing on the pavement before, that in my hunched position, I felt the gentle touch of Helen's hand rub gently against my back as I tried to get myself back under control; A difficult task.
The moment I finally managed to do so, able to sit back up and take a sorely needed breath of fresh air, I noticed the worried gaze Helen now held. "How long have you known?" She asked suddenly, giving me pause to figure out exactly what she meant.
"Around two months, plus an extra week or two." Helen simply paused, once more getting lost in thought.
"Penny for your thoughts?" I asked, peering my face closer to hers after she remained unresponsive for close to a minute, finally grabbing her attention.
"No, it's nothing, it's just some things are just starting to make so much more sense."
"Oh really, like what?"
"Well, for starters why you suddenly went all rambo at school, beating the shit out of Matthew. Then there was the month you spent doing almost nothing but partying and ghosting me." She replied with a pointed look.
"Yeah, I kinda didn't handle it in the best way." I said, chagrinned.
"I doubt anyone would have. I can't really blame you." A smirk suddenly appeared on her lips. "And I can't say that I didn't enjoy the look on Matthews' face when he came back to school all embarrassed after his suspension. He really was a royal prick, wasn't he?"
"That's still my biggest highlight of the year, hands down."
"Oh really." She asked, eyebrows raised.
Seeing my mistake, I quickly replied. "Besides asking you out, of course."
"Hmm, damn right." Helen said, raising her nose in the air in a pompous manner before we both started laughing once again, though far more subdued than last time.
"What does this all mean?" Helen asked as the laughter died down, her tone far more sombre than it was before.
"I don't know," I replied, scratching the back of my head awkwardly, sensing the mood shift. "I understand if you would want to break up. I mean it's not fair for you to have to stay with me just because I'm dyi-." Before I could finish my sentence, I was quickly interrupted as Helen's face appeared before me, her lips crashing into mine.
The sudden kiss between us was like nothing that had happened before. It wasn't a caring, soft kiss but one filled with passion and desperation. One that set every cell in my body ablaze and left me breathless in its aftermath as I stared dumbly forward, not having expected such a situation. As I tried to get my breathing under control, still shocked by what had happened, Helen spoke.
"Adam Collins! Get it through your thick skull. We are not breaking up! Nothing you say at this point is going to change that, you hear me!" Her finger jabbed me in the chest with each word she spoke.
"Do I not even get a say in this anymore?" I asked as I eventually managed to regain my bearing and looked at her disgruntled appearance, secretly finding it absolutely adorable.
"No." She said with a smile, her hands placed gently on top of mine over my knee. "We're going to get through this. Together,"
Hearing the overflow of love and support in her voice made me want to break out in a fountain of tears. The only thing holding me back was the extremely public setting we found ourselves in and how I had cried in front of her far too many times already for my personal taste.
"Thank you." I whispered quietly before I slowly leaned in towards her and kissed her once more, my only thought being how lucky I was to have her in my life. Unfortunately, despite how amazing such a moment was, I knew nothing could last forever, as was quickly proven.
"Mummy, look, those two people are kissing." A child's voice loudly proclaimed from not too far away, making the two of us jump away and quickly break apart. Our faces flushed with embarrassment as we looked around to see that once again we had become the centre of attention, with many of the park goers staring at us as they passed, including the young boy with his mother who they had heard.
"Well." I coughed, trying to clear the awkwardness that had developed. "I don't know about you, but I'm suddenly feeling up for a quick walk around the park." Before she even had a chance to respond, I instantly stood from the bench, ready and wanting to leave the area as soon as possible. A sentiment that Helen clearly mirrored if the way she also jumped off the bench was anything to go by.
"After you." She replied with a flourished bow.