"Janet i'm never going to date any guy again" I said to her that night and she did not hesitate to remind me about Roland.
"I've not replied his chat for two weeks."
"wow"
"I reached my breaking point, there's no way i'm any guy break my heart again."
"Okay o" She was not convinced and i didn't care if she was or not. i've made my decision and that's final. But it was a battle within me. Losing Peter broke me. I remembering all the time that we shared horrible days that only pushed me into exciting myself like its the way i could live. I had to keep my heart pain to myself because i could bring no one to understand how i really felt. It was during this period i began to have dreams about a world i was told i belong to and my name in that world was Aholah. i was crazy to core and in for anything pleasurable. Though this world happened in my happened in my imagination hours deep into the night sometimes if feels so real as i wake up to see bite marks and body fluids after my dreams. I was having the fun my life lacked during the day and even though i still represented and spent everyday considering change, it just didn't work.
Just like Janet had predicted.
***
Esther's POV
"Christine i dont understand this chaplaincy thing. I dint expect them to be this much." I said to Christine one friday night after our usual friday meeting. I was tired. WE had a one hour meeting and half an hour was used for playing, irresponsible discussions and jesting. i felt like i was wasting my time. And the girls, the way they are.
"This is the umpteenth time you are giving that unreasonable complaint. For Christ's sake this is God's work and everyone wants to be involved in it."
"No, i don't believe that." I shook my head. "i feel everyone there or rather most of the people there suits your initial description. They're there for the fame and security that being in chaplaincy unit gives. Knowing that it is the highest group in chapel. It makes you chaplains daughter and so he can vouch for you anywhere and it calls for respect because like they say if you disrespect any chaplaincy unit member you disrespect chaplain himself."
"You are not saying a lie. You look like you're trying to convince yourself not to believe that." she said.
i sighed. "It's baffling. i see chaplaincy unit as a sacred office. WE open the chapel. We call prayer points on the altar. We even take sermons and then see what we are doing in our meetings. it's either we are fighting or someone group of people are boasting or we're jesting or even gossiping..."
"Mama calm down, you're raising your voice!"
"It is how its paining me."
she laughed.
"Maybe you'll be more shocked if i tell you this."
"What?
"They have boyfriends. Some of them i know them and i use to see them do rubbish with their man. All those garment of broken they wear in chapel is as fake as their life seem to be."
"You don't you have boyfriend?" i laughed. "Pot calling kettle black."
"At least i'm a pot!" She flings her clothes on her bed and joined me on the floor where i sat. We were both tired and hunger but hunger was something we were ready to ignore since it was already late and almost time for headcount.
"I just wish things could be better."
"I'm just content because things don't always get better." She yawned.
"Lest i forget, Senior said that w could come for prayer meeting in her room."
i frowned. "That senior that stares so long at someone as if she want to enter you"
"No o. i heard that she carry her own fire o. Have you gone to an holy service that she leads, it's usually fire o. My friend attend the prayer and it seemed they want to join too but i won't go without you since we'r both in chapliancy unit i can't in one side and you're not there.
No, i'd rather pray on my own."
"No you'd rather follow me, Esther. You need humans you can continue to keep people away. One day you'll need someone anyone. Even the bible says iron sharpeneth iron."
"I know Christine, but i'm not at peace with everything going on in that group. i expected chaplain to be the head of everything that we do there not students. I expected him to teach us in every meeting and mentor us in our prayer meetings so we can be well equiped to mentor everyone else in chapel.."
"And since that is not the case my dear, what are we supposed to do? Turn deaf eyes to those who are trying?"
"i don't trust that sister"
"You my friend do not trust anyone. Mummy Jesus. You are going with me tomorrow whether you like it or not. She cleared her bed and and landed into it like a broken tree trunk. I just watched her, confused and annoyed.
"God i don''t like what i'm seeing but it seems like i'm the only one seeing it." I sulked