Rei Umeshiro had learned many things since being reincarnated into a fantasy world as a duke's son. Chief among them:
1. Magic was dangerous.
2. Love potions were more dangerous.
3. A classroom full of emotionally unstable yandere wives wielding glassware was the final boss of education.
And yet, Rei—ever the masochist or just terminally hopeful—sat calmly at his assigned seat in Advanced Potion Theory and Application, quietly praying he wouldn't die in the next hour.
His prayer ended with a loud boom.
"KYAAAHAHAHA! I CALL THIS 'THE DRAGON'S KISS'—DON'T STARE AT MY HUSBAND AGAIN!" Drakana roared, holding up a vial that glowed ominously with crimson steam.
The cauldron she was supposed to be stirring was now a smoldering crater.
Professor Mandrake, a frazzled elf with stress lines deep enough to serve soup in, rubbed his temples and sighed. "Miss Drakana, for the third time this week, stop naming everything after your relationship with Lord Rei."
"But it's our signature blend!" she pouted. "He gave me a headpat once. That makes it sacred."
Rei slumped lower in his seat. Across from him, Emilia—the suspiciously normal girl—leaned over and smiled warmly.
"Rei-kun, I made you something," she whispered.
He tensed.
"It's not cursed. I promise."
He really tensed.
She slid over a small flask with pink sparkles and heart-shaped ice cubes floating in it. "Just something refreshing~ Made with honeyroot and a pinch of affection!"
The word affection echoed like a death knell.
From behind the bubbling cauldron next to hers, Seraphina's left eye twitched. She gently stirred her own brew, fingers tapping ominously on the edge of the table.
"Oh? You made something for him?" she said with a saccharine smile that made the temperature in the room drop.
"Yes!" Emilia beamed, proud and utterly unaware she was now Target #1 of all five Wife Factions.
Professor Mandrake clapped to regain attention. "Class! Today we're working on mild emotion amplifiers. Mild, Miss Drakana! MILD. No more volcano potions!"
"Yes, Professor~" Drakana mumbled, clearly lying.
Rei made the fatal mistake of relaxing. That's when Seraphina leaned close to Emilia's flask and "accidentally" bumped her own vial into it.
"Oh my stars, how clumsy of me~" Seraphina gasped dramatically.
Rei watched in horror as a single glowing drop fell into the drink. It shimmered like an oil slick and hissed upon contact.
[System Notification: Interaction Detected! Compound altered. Now classified as "Potion of Relentless Affection + Aphrodisiac Type-V."]
[System Warning: Do NOT ingest. Unless you enjoy broom closets.]
Emilia, cheerfully oblivious, held out the newly-tainted drink to Rei.
"Would you like a sip, Rei-kun?" she asked.
He stared at it like it was radioactive.
"Oh, um, maybe later—"
But she'd already taken a sip herself.
GULP.
And that was the moment chaos hatched.
Emilia blinked. Her pupils dilated slightly. A faint blush spread across her cheeks.
Then she turned to him with an intensity that could only be described as legally actionable.
"Rei-kun."
"Yes?"
"I suddenly feel so… connected to you. More than ever. Like our souls are a woven tapestry of longing and eternal embrace."
"Oh no."
"I want to braid your hair while you sleep."
"OH NO."
[System Alert: ☠️ Yandere Contamination Rate Exceeds Safety Limits.]
[Emergency Sub-Mission Activated: Escape Potion Class Without Losing a Kidney (0/1).]
Seraphina smirked victoriously.
Drakana noticed. "Wait, why is she glowing?"
"Oh, nothing~" Seraphina sang. "Just the innocent spark of young love."
Lilia's head snapped toward Emilia. "This… aura. It's not natural."
Rosette whispered coldly from the shadows, "Her heartbeat's increased. Pupil dilation. Facial flush. Potion influence. Threat level: rising."
Within thirty seconds, the classroom descended into silent panic. Silent panic, because the girls had entered the Predator Stare phase of the Yandere Cycle™.
"REI-KUN, HOLD STILL!"
Emilia launched herself across the desk.
Rei screamed. "SHE'S TOO FAST FOR NORMAL HUMAN MOVEMENT!"
He dived under the table as magical sigils began glowing wildly across the classroom.
Drakana summoned a wall of flame between Rei and Emilia.
"BACK OFF, NORMAL GIRL. ONLY I GET TO DRUG HIM."
"I-it was an accident!" Emilia yelped. "I just wanted to offer him something nice!"
Rosette was already chanting a sealing spell.
Lilia whipped out a scroll labeled 'Exorcism for New Girls Who Don't Know Their Place'.
Seraphina conjured silk ropes. "Let's keep this civil, ladies."
Professor Mandrake screamed and dove out the window.
Rei made it halfway to the door before Emilia tackled him, her arms encircling his waist.
"Let's spend the rest of the day together, Rei-kun! Just the two of us. In the library. Or the forest. Or the graveyard. Forever~"
The four other wives moved in unison.
[System Notification: Crisis Point Achieved — Rei has been Targeted by All Factions.]
[Activating Failsafe: Random Escape Mechanism.]
[ROLLING... 🎲 🎲 🎲]
[You have been teleported to: Janitor's Broom Closet #7.]
Poof!
The world shimmered—and Rei reappeared inside a cramped, dusty closet that smelled of mildew and broken dreams.
Unfortunately, Emilia reappeared too.
"…What."
[System Clarification: The aphrodisiac potion caused a sympathetic bond. She's now tethered to your presence.]
[Timer: 3 hours remaining. Good luck.]
"YOU STUPID SYSTEM, THAT'S NOT A FAILSAFE, THAT'S A COFFIN!"
[System Suggestion: Learn to enjoy close quarters.]
Emilia clung to him like a teddy bear in a washing machine. "Rei-kun~ Isn't this romantic?"
"I want to go home."
She giggled, leaning her head against his shoulder. "Your heartbeat is so soothing~"
He could hear the stampede outside.
Yandere footsteps.
Claws scraping steel.
An axe dragging across stone.
[System Update: Wife Factions have breached Classroom Perimeter.]
[Sound Detected: "WHERE IS HE?!"]
[Sound Detected: "I SMELL HIM. HE'S NEARBY."]
[Sound Detected: Licking.]
Rei's soul left his body.
"EMILIA. I BEG YOU. DO SOMETHING NORMAL. BREATHE. SNEEZE. LAUGH NON-OBSESSIVELY."
"I brought a second batch of cookies, Rei-kun~ Should we eat them now or after the handfasting ritual?"
"NO TO BOTH."
Suddenly, the door shook.
BAM BAM BAM!
"OPEN UP, REI! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!" Drakana roared.
"Sweetheart, let's talk. With rope," Seraphina purred.
Rosette said nothing. The doorknob simply began melting.
Lilia began reciting wedding vows in Latin.
[System Warning: Closet Durability — 32%.]
[Emergency Suggestion: Confess feelings to Emilia to redirect aggro.]
"I would rather chew glass."
[Glass Equipped.]
"…Fine."
Rei turned to Emilia. "You're a great person. But this is not the time. Or the place. Or the planet."
"But you said I'm great!"
"Yes, great in a platonic, non-soulbinding, preferably long-distance way."
She pouted. Then gasped. "So you're saying… I have a chance!"
[System Facepalm.exe initiated.]
The door exploded.
Yandere silhouettes filled the entrance like a Renaissance painting of rage and lust.
Rosette lunged first.
Seraphina floated in on a bed of conjured rose petals.
Drakana punched a hole in the wall and entered from the side.
Lilia descended from the ceiling like a priestess of doom.
All five sets of eyes locked onto Emilia.
The closet became a warzone.
Rei was pinned to the ceiling by a flying chair.
Emilia smiled nervously. "Hehe… ladies? Let's all be friends?"
"No," they said in unison.
[System Notification: New Side Mission Available: "Hostage Negotiation for Beginners."]
[Main Mission Progress Updated: "Survive the Semester" (0.3/1)]
[Bonus Objective: Sanity Intact – Status: Critically Endangered.]
To be continued…