Chu Zhi's study perfectly fit the conventional definition of a study—it was filled with books. The small fifty-square-meter room had three walls lined with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, holding an estimated two thousand volumes.
"Where should we start exploring first?" Pang Pu asked.
The cameraman, Jelly, skillfully panned the camera around the room. Following the live audience's requests in the chat, the two hosts first examined the stack of books beside the desk: The Round Hole, Flickering in Black and White, Selected Poems of Li Si IV, Selected Poems of Poundrus, and others.
These were all famous poetry collections from the parallel world—works that didn't exist on Earth. Chu Zhi had subtly planted these as clues.
He didn't reveal even a hint of his online poetry-writing persona in front of the camera. It wasn't the right time yet.
"Teacher Chu, do you really like poetry? You've even made notes in them," Pang Pu remarked as he flipped through the books.
"Just random thoughts jotted down after reading a poem. Nothing of value," Chu Zhi explained.
As Pang Pu continued exploring the study, he uncovered many things—all deliberately left behind by Chu Zhi.
For example, there were newspaper clippings. The original Chu Zhi had a habit of cutting out negative critiques about himself from newspapers and pasting them into his diary, intending to improve upon those flaws—though he rarely did. Chu Zhi actually admired this habit of his predecessor. If it were him, he wouldn't even read the criticisms, but the original Chu Zhi had at least wanted to better himself.
While answering Pang Pu's questions, Chu Zhi silently praised his own kindness. The study could have easily contained photos of his late grandfather or family portraits—perfect for garnering sympathy—but he had removed them beforehand.
"Why isn't there the usual fan-service moment?" Pang Pu wondered briefly before realizing that the music room segment had already been dramatic enough. There probably wasn't anything left to exploit.
Comments flooded the livestream:
"Ninth Brother loves studying, poetry, and life!"
"Can we check the cabinet under the desk? Don't just look at the drawers!"
"Where's the fan letter segment we all love?"
"Ah-Jiu is the best!"
No one noticed Wei Tongzi's unusually serious expression. She was determined to find evidence of her idol's depression. After much contemplation that morning, she had concluded that Chu Zhi likely didn't want his struggles known. But she believed his hardships should be shared—his fans shouldn't let him fight alone.
"The best Ninth Brother deserves to be protected by us, his Little Fruits," Wei Tongzi resolved silently.
"Hmm? What's that up there?" Her gaze fixed on a cardboard box tucked in the top corner of a bookshelf, half-hidden behind other books. It was about the size of a basketball with room to spare for a few tennis balls.
She grabbed a stool, climbed up, and carefully pulled the box down, accidentally knocking two books to the floor with a loud clatter.
The noise drew the attention of Pang Pu and Chu Zhi, who had been chatting. Though the exploration was free-form, climbing furniture was pushing it.
Pang Pu immediately said, "Tongtong, at least try to be a little more graceful in front of the cameras—and your idol. Did you just dig out Teacher Chu's childhood toys?"
As he spoke, he glanced at Chu Zhi out of the corner of his eye. If the latter showed any discomfort, he'd quickly steer the conversation away from the box.
Before the chrysanthemum-and-goji tea incident, Pang Pu would've relished stirring up drama. But now, without even realizing it, he found himself instinctively protecting the guest rather than playing up the show's entertainment value.
"Exploring Baoyu means really exploring," Wei Tongzi retorted. "Are these toys?"
Only after confirming that Chu Zhi's expression remained neutral did Pang Pu signal Jelly to keep filming.
"Nothing important, probably just some songs I wrote that didn't fit this album," Chu Zhi explained.
Wei Tongzi pulled out the contents—two sheets of musical notation. The first was a normal-looking score for a song titled Light Falling Into My Life, with warm, tender lyrics:
[You are a beam of light falling into my world,
Rushing toward me, making all things grow...]
But it was the second song that caught her attention: You Are Not Truly Happy. Though she couldn't read sheet music or sing it, she stared intently at the lyrics as the camera zoomed in:
[Crying in the crowd,
You just want to fade into transparency.
You'll never dream again,
Or feel pain,
Or heartbeat.
You've already decided,
You've already decided,
You endure in silence,
Gripping yesterday tightly in your fist...]
Unable to help herself, she read aloud:
"You are not truly happy,
Your smile is just a disguise you wear.
You've decided not to hate,
And not to love anymore,
Locking your soul away
In an eternal shell..."
The lyrics made Wei Tongzi's heart twist. Was the gentle smile he always wore just a mask?
Pang Pu, thinking differently as a man, first thought, "These lyrics are great—why weren't they used in the new album? Do they not fit the theme?"
When Wei Tongzi looked up, she saw Chu Zhi's lips part as if he wanted to say something. Beneath the sheet music was a document—a medical report from the Shanghai Mental Health Center. A wave of dread washed over her.
[Name: Chu Zhi
Department: Psychological Consultation & Outpatient Clinic | ID: 154278454
Gender: Male | Age: 22
Occupation: Other | Marital Status: Single
Date: August 15, 2019, 13:16
Chief Complaints:
Headaches, auditory/visual hallucinations, insomnia with persistent nightmares, severe depressive symptoms with strong suicidal ideation.
Self-Rating Depression Scale (SDS):
Severe depressive symptoms detected.
Self-Rating Anxiety Scale (SAS):
Moderate anxiety detected.
Physical Examination:
Bruises on arms and legs from self-impact.
Psychiatric Evaluation:
Conscious, severe auditory hallucinations, coherent but slow speech, delayed thought processes, weak survival instinct, partial self-awareness.
Diagnosis:
Severe depressive disorder, moderate anxiety disorder.
Treatment Plan:
Weekly psychotherapy sessions. Maintain social connections and positive mindset.
*Medication: Mirtazapine (15mg AM/PM), Estazolam (2mg nightly), Duloxetine HCl (20mg noon/night).*
Regulate sleep/diet. Regular blood tests, liver function, ECG monitoring.
Return immediately if symptoms worsen. Scheduled follow-ups.
Signed & Stamped by attending physician.]
But that wasn't all. Beneath the medical report was a letter—just two short lines:
[I'm sorry. I don't think I can hold on anymore. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I was never kept by anyone. I never had a secret marriage. Please believe me. Please.]
The diagnosis, the medication still left in the box—there was no need to guess what this letter was.
A suicide note.
Those two crushing words slammed into everyone's minds. Wei Tongzi and Jelly temporarily lost the ability to think, while even the usually unflappable Pang Pu was struck speechless.
The once-bustling livestream chat fell eerily quiet. The medical report and suicide note had been clearly displayed through the camera, leaving not just fans but even casual viewers suffocated under the weight of the revelation.