Chapter Thirty Four
Lucianna's POV
I spent the night crying inside Jacob's arms until I passed out. Confusion was how I can define the feelings I have right now.
It's… how can I say this…
There's a part of me that was relieved that I can finally escape him. But I'm not sure where the sadness inside me were coming from.
It's as if, only half of me wants to go and that I only had the chance to realize it now that he's setting me free.
Did I liked the chase? Did it disappoint me that he won't look after me? Or was it the mate bond's feelings? Was it mine?
What was the root of the pain in my chest?
I'm aching, all over.
I'm not sure if its because of him or myself. Too much question was circling in my head that I don't know which part should I focus on.
Waking up, I sniffed the most intoxicating scent of the man laying beside me. Was he already awake? I'm afraid to move… what? Why? Am I scared that he will go away once he's awoke?
Damn it.
"Good morning."
I almost jumped out of bed when he whispered. He was awake!
My reflexes was quick to push myself away from him but he was quick to hug me closer using his arm around me.
With widened eyes, I looked up at him and found his eyes closed with a ghost of smile on his lips.
"Uh…" I can't find my words and looked away, afraid that his eyes might met mine when he opened them. In the end, I gulped when my eyes landed on his chest.
When did he get naked?
"How do you feel?" he asked in the same husky morning voice.
"I-I'm fine. Thanks for lending y-your, uh…" should I say chest? Body? Arm? All of those sounds different and dirty in my head!
Jacob chuckled. He didn't speak but his hold tightened as his fingers started drawing circles on my clothed skin.
I swallowed a hard bump when I felt my throat dried from his action that he seems to be doing unintentionally.
"I-I'll get up now, J-Jacob." I need to get away from you because I might succumb to the heat!
"Let's stay like this for five more minutes, Lucianna." he said in a low seductive voice, well, in my ears it sounded like that!
Argh! Danger!
Jacob, as if not satisfied with our distance, even hooked one of his leg on my legs! I feel so tiny inside him!
Closing my eyes shut, I decided not to move or say anything. Five minutes was not too long so it should be okay, right?
When a minute passed, I'm suffering from suffocation by a feeling that overwhelms me! My body keeps moving, as if there's no comfort in our position though it is!
"Am I heavy?" he asked, lightening his own weight on mine but never taking them off me.
"N-No. Uh, I think we should--"
"Three more minutes, Lucianna." he said in a voice that I find amusing.
You three minutes will make me wet and horny, Jacob!
I wanted to say but I don't want those to come from me. I might give him the idea, not that he doesn't think that way. I don't know, okay?!
Another minute and I can't take it anymore. I looked up at him and was about to complain but the moment I moved, his eyes opened up and it met mine.
"Hm?" he breathed.
I was fascinated with how his breath smelled like. It's mixed of faint tobacco and mint combined. That scent made me lose my control.
My eyes wandered down to his parted lips, I think I lose half of the minute fantasizing about his wet, kissable lips before meeting his eyes again.
There was something different in his eyes now, a shade of desire sparkling to the burning tension building between us.
"Jacob…" I called and as if he knew what I meant, what I want, he leaned to close the distance of our mouths.
His lips was warm as he attacked me with a hungry kiss. I feel like I'm a most sought after dessert by the way he sucked on my lip and played with my tongue.
A weak moan escaped from my throat and that acted as Jacob's last resort for patience. He moved on top of me, towering my body with his and positioning in between my my legs that was parted by his torso.
"Damn it." he murmured a curse and though its weird, it turned me on more. The sound he made shows how he fought his own endurance. Where he fails.
His huge hands went inside my shirt and cupped my bust in deep desire. I moaned even more.
"I don't want to do this with you if its just for the bond, Lucianna." he said in a rasp voice, growling inwardly but he attacked my lips again.
Bond? Was this because of the bond? I don't feel the same as when the waves of heat hits me, this was different. But I can't say that to him.
My mouth moves in rhythm of his, the burning desire between us fueled the fire and I'm melting inside his embrace and by his kisses.
I moaned more when he grind his hips against me and made me feel the hardness of his steel-rod cock pulsating inside his pants. The friction it did to my core was convulsing that I quiver in each grind, mirroring the movement, following to where this takes us.
I never thought that dry humping will make me crazy like this. It's too much and I started to wonder how it will feel if we're actually doing it.
Damn.
I heard a ripping sound and breaking to the kiss to look down, my shirt has been torn in half. Jacob groaned his apologies because burying his head on my neck.
His maleness become even bigger than it already was and it excites me.
"Jacob, I…" I moaned when his mouth claimed the taut peak of my breast. Arching my back and pushing my head back, I cried his name.
"You're dangerously turning me on too much." he groaned after saying that. "We shouldn't."
My eyes widened when he stopped slowly. He didn't moved away from my naked breast, he even flicked his tongue over my hardened peak. He groaned and buried his head in the valley of my breasts, as if that will help him stop.
We stayed still on that position while being embraced by both of our breathing.
I bit my lip and covered my face.
This. Is. Not. The. Bond.
I knew it now.
Because when he stopped, I didn't looked for more, I don't feel like there's a thirst that hasn't been quenched.
And the fact that I'm not being insane in hunger for more, was enough evidence that I was swayed by the moment without the help of our bond.
I'm fucking attracted.
Jacob sighed that made me closed my eyes tight over my palm.
"I'm sorry." he whispered before moving his head up, he was probably looking at me right now. He moved back to my side and I still feel his eyes on me. "Are you alright? Do you want me to…"
"No. No, I'm fine." I said and turned my back at him. Sighing, I cursed myself.
"Alright…" he said in a sigh. "Breakfast in a bit?"
"Yeah!" Fuck. "I mean, I'll just freshen up and meet you at the ground floor."
The bed moved when he stood up, my heart flutters too much that I think I'm passing out any second.
"Okay. I'll take a bath in my room, too. We'll go back to the pack after breakfast so, yeah."
I finally had the courage to look at him as he strode out of the room. He picked his shirt on the floor and as he wore it, my eyes caught the obvious huge bump on his pants.
He was still turned on!
I flushed hard so I looked away.
Jacob glanced at me for a bit before walking out of the door, closing it behind him.
My scream was muffled by the pillows once he's gone. Rolling on the bed, side by side, I embraced the embarrassment of my newfound truth about myself.
What changed? Fucking what changed?!
If Jacob didn't stopped, we will do it! I know! Because I don't find any reason to say 'no' when his lips met mine, when he touched me, when he sucked me!
Damn!
**
"About yesterday," I started.
We finished breakfast and now on the road back to Shadow pack. Jacob ordered for Brent and Harley to ride the truck with two other wolf with us. And now, Jacob drives the car with me.
I felt Jacob stiffened, his hold on the steering wheel tightened.
"You have time to think about it, Lucianna…" he said in a soft voice but his eyes went blank. As if he was lost in thoughts.
"I know."
"Do you want to… leave already?"
My mouth dropped by the way he said it, its almost pleading for me to say no. Its not like I will! I gave it a thought, and I have decided to, yes, give it time. The confusion I'm experiencing right now forbids me to leave just yet.
I want to answer the questions in my head first.
Jacob took my silence as a yes to his question and he added it with more.
"When? Now? When we reached the pack? Please tell me first, Lucianna."
"No. No." I shook my head furiously. "I-I'm not…yet leaving. I've given it a thought and I planned to stay for some time to think about this first."
Jacob glanced my way, he looked relieved. He moved the shifting gear and looked forward again.
"May I ask what… made you think about this?"
"I just… want to have more time."
"Do you still want to… leave?" he asked carefully.
I looked away and bit my lip.
"No."
Jacob sighed.
"But there are questions I wanted to be answered first. And I also want to wait for Justin to recover so I can… apologize."
Jacob hissed.
"You have nothing to be sorry for to him, Lucianna." the car sped up a bit that made me looked at him again. His jaw are clenching, and he looked irritated.
"I have, Jacob. I'm the reason that he was almost killed."
"Tsk." he hit the brake that made the car stopped abruptly. I noticed the truck in front of us stopped, too.
Jacob looked at me with piercing eyes but I felt his annoyance was not directed at me.
"Lucianna, I realized to be true to everything I feel from now on and I must tell you, I might kill that bastard for real if you see him again."
My jaw dropped.
"Jacob!" I hissed and closed my eyes tight before looking at him again. "I'm not going to repeat what happened, I just want some closure from the guilt I suffered. And part of it is my fault, too."
"No." he said in finality with his deep voice. "I can't let you--"
"Are you jealous?" my eyes squinted at him.
His chest heaved and his lips parted, he looked like he wanted to say something but then he closed his lips and his jaw clenched.
"Don't tell me--"
"So what if I am, Lucianna? Tss…" Jacob looked away and started to drive again. His face was all red and flushed that I bit my lip to suppress a smile.
I can't believe that made me happy! The fuck, Lucianna!
Instead of teasing him more about it, since he looked too annoyed still, I didn't.
I started looking back to the things that happened with us, was he jealous during all those times?
Giggling, I looked out the window and bit my lip to stop when Jacob hissed.
"Just make sure you're not giggling while thinking of that bastard, Lucianna." he annoyingly said.
"I'm not!" I chuckled again. Damn, he really was jealous! He looks so cute! Why does he kept on fighting with me whenever he felt that way! If only he acted like this, I won't mind to be on my knees in front of him!
Oh, gosh, what am I saying!
"Tss." Jacob hissed and so I shut my mouth but can't stop grinning.
Actually, I plan to stay for a week. That's my due. I will try and see if my resolve was the same as before because I'm confused if it is.