Honestly I didn't think I'd be writing about you, but for some reason you came across my mind today and I just couldn't pass up the opportunity. When I first met you (believe I was somewhere around 25-27 at the time), I was surprised you actually looked like you're pictures, but at the time I didn't know what it was you were looking for. Now initially it seemed as though you just wanted to be friends, which upset me because it wasn't what we talked about before meeting. Now don't get me wrong, I didn't mind being friends, it's just not what I initially had planned for when we first started talking. So since we previously talked about sex, before I got stuck in this "friend zone" I made it known periodically throughout the time we've known each other that we could've done so, but you just kept ignoring me every time I did. If I'm remembering correctly it wasn't until I turned 30 that you finally decided you were willing to do something, but by this time I had already not seen/heard from you in so long that I wasn't on that right away. So that day when I finally saw you for the first time in I don't know how long, I had jokingly texted you about getting ready for us to have sex before coming over, but I guess you didn't see it as a joke. I even told you when I first got there that I just came to see you because I wanted to see you, it wasn't to have sex. Apparently that was the wrong move though, because after that you just wouldn't bother with me at all, but I had to realize that I couldn't be what you wanted. and it was simply because you decided to be friends before trying to have sex. The fact that I spent all these years seeing and getting to know you just made me more drawn and attracted to you that I wanted to be more than just another body on your list. I wasn't going to spend all these years getting to know you, just for a one-night stand where you just ghost me afterwards, because if that's what you wanted to do, you should've done it before I got attached to you. I used to tell you all the time that you didn't want me around, but you kept telling me that it wasn't the case and I didn't understand, yet you never offered any explanations. How was I supposed to understand something you refused to fill me in on? I just wanted you to talk to me more, I wanted to be there for you, but you never cared, not one bit...
Till this day I still don't understand what it was you wanted from me. We never did any of the things we talked about, and even though I wanted to build something with you, you would always push me away, and complain that you had nobody around. You basically got my hopes up with this whole situation, I mean you never explained what you were looking for/wanted in the beginning, but you kept saying you wanted something even though you refused to act on anything. I guess it was my fault though for just not knowing that you were bisexual, but I mean how would I know if you never told me? I started assuming that the times you weren't responding to me, or trying to link up was because you were already laid up with a female, or maybe you just found another little hoe to lay with at the time. I guess at the end of the day it doesn't really matter because we weren't together so technically you're free to do what you want, but I was just hoping we could've done something together. Now there was a time where I lowered myself to the point where I even considered being a "side piece" if you decided you wanted to be with a female, yet still wanted to mess around with a guy on the side. I know it wasn't the best idea to have, I just really wanted to be with you at the time regardless of which way that worked out. Obviously I couldn't tell you that though since you hardly spoke to me when I initiated conversation, and I couldn't just bring it up whenever you messaged me because you just wanted an answer, never a conversation... I realize now how foolish I was to spend this time waiting for something to happen, or trying to make something happen with you, but I couldn't help wanting what I wanted. I kind of wish I had let you fuck the last time I saw you, but since it was our first time meeting after so long, it just wasn't something I was capable of doing (mainly because I wasn't drunk). I mean I have standards still when it comes to sexual encounters, and just because I want you doesn't mean I can just jump for you when you say to, the mood still has to be set, or certain conditions have to be met. Now I won't lie, had your approach in that situation been different, I would've let it happen, but you just seemed so shy and childish in the moment that it turned me off and I was able to stand my ground. Now that I've finally lost these residual feelings for you, I hope things are well with you, hope you found whatever "situation-ship" you were looking for, and most of all I'm hoping I don't run back into you again, because I might fall back into this cycle again, but I'm hoping that if I do, things will be different this time around...