I went back to London, and resumed my preparations. Penniless, I tried
to get money from my mother, but could not. I tried to feel our ugly
housemaid, who threatened to tell. Just then a friend lent me _Fanny
Hill_, how well I recollect that day, it was a sunshiny afternoon,
I devoured the book and its luscious pictures, and although I never
contemplated masturbation, lost all command of myself, frigged, and
spent over a picture as it lay before me. I did not know how to clean
the book and the table-cover.
Fascinated although annoyed with myself, I repeated the act till not a
drop of sperm would come; and the skin of my prick was sore. The next
day I had a splitting headache but read at intervals, and again frigged;
and did this for a week, till my eyes were all but dropping into my
head. In a fever and worn out; the doctor said I was growing too fast,
and ordered strong nourishment; but I used to take the infernal book
with me to bed, and lay reading it, twiddling my prick, and fearing to
consummate, knowing the state I was in. It was indeed almost impossible
to do it, and when emission came, it was accompanied by a fearful aching
in my testicles.
My friend had his book back, my erotic excitement ceased, I grew
stronger, felt ashamed of myself, and soon found a new excitement.
I had a friend who like me was intended for the Army, his father was a
gun manufacturer. The eldest son died, and the old man saying that five
thousand a year should not be lost to the family, made his other son--my
friend--go into the business. He resisted, but had no alternative but
to consent. Their dwelling-house was just by ours, but the old man now
insisted on his son residing largely at the manufactory where he invited
me to stay at times with him, which I did.
Several houses adjoining belonged to the old man, at the East-End of
London, where the manufactory was. Some faced an important thoroughfare,
the rest faced two other streets, and at the back, a place with out a
thoroughfare, on one side of which was the manufactory and workmen's
entrance; on the other side stables. The whole property formed a large
block.
The house faced the better street, the family had for forty years lived
in it before they became rich, and it was replete with comfort. The old
man had since lived there principally, for his love was in his business,
and he had made all arrangements for his convenience. He had a private
staircase leading from a sitting-room into the manufactory, and could go
into the warehouse, or the back street, or out of the front door of the
house unnoticed. The people employed, never knew when to expect him. He
was a regular Tartar, but for all that a kind-hearted man.
There now lived in the house an old servant with her sister, who had
been many years in the family. One was married to a foreman in whom his
master had much confidence; these three were in fact in charge of the
premises, although nominally the keyes were given up to my friend whom
we will call Henry. The old man wished his son to be happy, allowed
friends to visit him, there was good wine, put out by the old man in
small quantities from time to time, good food, good attendance, and all
to make things comfortable; but the old man resolutely forbade his son
to be out later than eleven o'clock, and kept him as my mother kept me,
almost without money. I expect that the old servants were told to keep
an eye on the doings of Henry.
The basement was used as store-room for muskets, put into wooden boxes
which stood in long rows upon each other like coffins. It was a large
place and originally only went under the factory, but the old gentleman
gradually as he acquired the adjacent houses, let them, but retained
most of the basements, so that his stores ran not only under the
premises he occupied, but largely under half a dozen other houses of
which he only let the shops and upper portions. On four sides this large
basement had glimpses of light let into it, by gratings in the footways
of the streets.
At one end and on the principal street was a row of windows, beneath
what was then a first class linen-draper's shop--first class I mean for
the East-End--a large place for those days, and always full. Women used
to stand by dozens at a time, looking into the shop windows which were
of large plate-glass--a great novelty in those days--people waiting for
omnibusses used also to stand up against the shop.
Henry and I were old school friends, I had seen and felt his cock, he
mine; I had not been with him an hour before he said, "When the workmen
go to dinner, I will show you more legs than your ever saw in your
life." "Girls?" said I. "Yes, I saw up above the garters of a couple
of dozen yesterday in an hour." "Could you see their cunts?" "I did not
quite, but nearly of one," said he. I thought he was bragging, and was
glad when twelve o'clock came.
At that hour down we went, through the basement stored with muskets;
it seemed dark as we entered, but soon we saw streams of light coming
through the windows at the end; they had not been cleaned for years. We
rubbed the glass and looked up. Above us was a flock of women's legs
of all sizes and shapes flashing before us, thick and thin in wonderful
variety. We could see them by looking up, it being bright above; but
dark and dusty below, they could not by looking down see us, through the
half cleaned windows; or notice round clean spots on the glass, through
which two pairs of young eyes almost devoured the limbs of those who
stood over them.
As our only way lay through the work-shop and we did not wish it known
that we were there (there was no business done there, unless arms were
being stored or taken out), we went back before the workmen returned
from their meals; but for several days did we go into the place,
gloating over such of the women's charms as we could discern; legs we
saw by the hundreds, garters and parts of the thighs we saw by scores:
quite enough to make young blood randy to madness, but the shadowy mass
between the thighs we could not get a glimpse of.
"There are vaults," said I, "if there, we could see right up, and be
at the back of the women." We tried unused keys to find one to open
the door, and at length to our intense delight it unclosed. We stepped
across the little open space under the gratings into the empty vaults,
and there arranging to take our turns of looking up at the most likely
spots, we put out our heads and took our fill at gazing. We were right
under the women, who as they looked into the shop windows, jutting out
their bums in stooping, tilted their petticoats exactly over our heads.
If there was no carriage passing, we could at times hear what they said,
but that was rarely the case.