It was a quiet afternoon at Anemo School. The sun was warm, the wind was gentle, and Jean had a rare moment of peace in her office.
That peace lasted exactly 16.5 seconds.
Because from the boys' dorm came a shout that would forever echo in the history of the school:
"BATHHOUSE TIME!"
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The Boys' Bathhouse: Sparkling Disaster Incoming
The Anemo bathhouse was a luxurious retreat built behind the dorms. Warm spring water flowed into a wide circular pool, surrounded by marble tiles and… about six rubber duckies Venti had snuck in.
Xiao stepped into the steam, arms crossed, already regretting this.
"This is unnecessary."
Heizou grinned. "It's absolutely necessary. This is the best place to plan new pranks."
Kazuha floated in gracefully, folding a towel like it was a work of art.
"I have composed a haiku for this moment," he said.
"Not again," Wanderer groaned, already stripped down to a towel and glaring at everyone from a corner. "Why is everyone acting like this is a festival?"
"Because it's a bath festival of shame," Heizou said, grabbing a ladle full of soap bubbles and chucking it across the bath—
SPLAT.
—right into Xiao's face.
Xiao blinked through the foam. "You have made a fatal error."
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Soap War Begins
Suddenly, water splashed everywhere.
Xiao launched a bar of soap like a throwing star.
Heizou responded with bubble grenades made from shampoo cups.
Wanderer hurled a loofah at Venti's face with perfect aim.
"WHO THREW THE LAVENDER ONE?!" Venti yelled, now covered in foam that somehow made him look like a whipped cream sundae.
Kazuha, trying to maintain his dignity, was writing a new haiku on the fogged-up mirror:
Steam, shame, soaring soap,
Brothers drenched in sudsy fate,
Why is Venti bald?
"WHAT?!" Venti screamed. "WHO TOOK MY WIG?!"
Sayu, half-asleep on the roof, mumbled, "Too loud… turn the steam down…"
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The Peak of Sin
The chaos eventually led to towels flying, someone turning the hot water too high, and Venti accidentally knocking open the door to the adjacent girl's bathhouse.
Silence.
Every Anemo boy froze. Peeking in slooooowly… they saw:
Sucrose, peacefully shampooing her hair while talking to a floating beaker.
Chasca, casually floating above the water like a gliding dolphin.
Jean, eyes closed, soaking with a cup of dandelion tea.
It was a serene vision…
Until Wanderer tripped over Venti and faceplanted straight through the bamboo partition.
"OW—AH—WAIT—I CAN EXPLAIN—"
"WHO THE HECK—?!"
THWACK.
Sucrose immediately summoned a giant flask and slammed it into Heizou's forehead.
Chasca, completely unfazed, glided through the steam and dropkicked Xiao back into the boys' pool.
Jean… slowly rose from the water, her aura darker than a thunderstorm over Dragonspine.
"...You."
Venti was the last one standing.
"I—I didn't mean to peek! I was… um… testing the bamboo integrity!"
Jean grabbed a bath ladle.
"BOYS. BATHHOUSE. NOW."
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Post-Battle: Bruised, Bubbled, and Beaten
Back in their side of the bathhouse, the boys lay sprawled across the tiles, covered in towels, bruises, and shampoo-scented shame.
Kazuha stared blankly at the ceiling. "I saw the dandelion tea. Before the slap."
Xiao had a red footprint on his chest. "Chasca fights in complete silence."
Heizou held an ice pack to his face. "Sucrose is way stronger than she looks."
Wanderer was too embarrassed to speak.
Venti? Curled in a towel burrito, muttering to himself. "They took my wig. My dignity. My… flutes…"
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Later That Night
Jean called an emergency assembly in the courtyard.
Standing in front of the entire faculty and students, she addressed the guilty.
"I expect maturity, discipline, and boundaries."
Venti: "We found none of those."
"Starting tomorrow," Jean continued, "you will all scrub the entire bathhouse, recite the Anemo School Code of Conduct, and be banned from hot springs for a month."
Sayu, still asleep: "Good... too noisy anyway..."
Faruzan muttered, "I told them communal bathhouses would lead to chaos."
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Final Scene: Dorm Regret
That night, as the boys sat in their dorm, bruised and embarrassed, Xiao muttered, "This never happened."
Heizou: "I'm still seeing bubbles when I blink."
Kazuha raised his hand. "For poetry purposes, I must ask—was this... destiny?"
Wanderer hurled a towel at him.
"Destiny is about to slap you again if you don't shut up."
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