The landing was less of a precision maneuver and more of an "unplanned gravitational introduction." The 'White Rabbit', true to its erratic nature, dropped out of warp space and slammed onto the jungle floor with the grace of a falling refrigerator.
Inside, Quynh Nhu's noodle bowl, which she had optimistically placed on the dashboard, performed a beautiful triple axel before face-planting into Pham Tuan's lap.
"We have arrived at the designated coordinates," Minerva's voice announced from the comms, impossibly calm. "The landing was 99.2% within mission parameters. The noodle incident was an unforeseen variable."
"Unforeseen my foot!" Quynh Nhu shot back, peeling a stray noodle off her cheek. "You did that on purpose, didn't you, Minerva? You've always been jealous of my superior taste in instant cuisine!"
Minerva's smiley face icon appeared on the main screen. :)
Pham Tuan stared down at the soupy mess on his pants with a look of profound despair. "My first step into enemy territory... and I smell like spicy beef broth. This is a bad omen."
"Nonsense," Lin Ming said cheerfully, unbuckling himself. "Think of it as camouflage. If we run into any giant, carnivorous jungle beasts, they might think you're just a walking bowl of soup and leave you alone." He patted Pham Tuan's shoulder. "See? Always a silver lining."
The ramp lowered, bathing the cramped cockpit in a hazy, oppressive green light. The air that hit them was thick, wet, and smelled like a giant's compost bin after a rainstorm. Strange, pulsating fungi cast an eerie glow on trees twisted into shapes that would give a geometry teacher nightmares.
"Okay, so this place is officially creepy," Quynh Nhu declared, shouldering her rifle. She looked down at a small, iridescent frog that had hopped onto the ramp. "Ooh, look at this little guy. He's so colorful. I wonder if he's friendly."
She reached out a finger to poke it.
"DON'T TOUCH THAT!" Lin Ming and Minerva yelled in unison.
Minerva's voice was sharp. "That is a Dendrobates mortis, or the 'Instant Regret Frog'. Its skin secretes a poison that causes vivid hallucinations of your greatest failures, followed by complete nervous system collapse. It is not friendly."
Quynh Nhu snatched her hand back as if she'd been burned. "Right. Rule one of the jungle: don't lick the frogs. Got it."
With that invaluable lesson learned, they began their trek. Lin Ming took point, his Spiritual Sense acting as a high-tech "weird-stuff-detector." Pham Tuan followed, still smelling faintly of noodles, his massive frame a walking battering ram. Quynh Nhu, nimble as a cat, vanished into the treetops.
The jungle was a symphony of unnerving sounds. Every rustle of leaves could be a Madakaros patrol. Every snapping twig could be a creature whose name ended in "-saurus".
After an hour of tense silence, Quynh Nhu's voice crackled over the comms, a hushed whisper. "Got eyes on four of them. They're up ahead, playing cards. I'm not kidding. They're sitting on a log, playing some kind of three-eyed alien poker."
Lin Ming signaled a halt. "Poker? Are you sure?"
Quynh Nhu (comms): Positive. The one with the shiny helmet just lost a hand and threw his cards on the ground. He looks very upset. The other three are laughing at him. They're idiots. Let me shoot them. Please. It would be a public service.
This was perfect. Complacent, bored guards were the best kind of guards.
"Negative, Hawkeye," Lin Ming whispered back. "A firefight will alert every patrol in a ten-kilometer radius. We need a quieter solution. And I think I have one."
He rummaged through his small supply pack and pulled out a small, unassuming object: the slightly-charred, 500-year-old Ginseng of Spiritual Clarity that Trinh Tuan had given him.
Pham Tuan stared at it. "Leader... are you going to... challenge them to a smelling contest?"
"Something like that," Lin Ming grinned. "Minerva, are Madakaros susceptible to allergens?"
Minerva: Their biology is robust, but their respiratory system is not adapted to Earth's complex pollen and airborne particulates. A sudden, high concentration of an unfamiliar organic compound could, theoretically, induce a severe allergic reaction. Sneezing, watery eyes, temporary blindness...
"Excellent," Lin Ming said. He looked at the priceless ginseng root. Using it for 'aggressive aromatherapy' had worked once. It was time for round two. He didn't burn it this time. Instead, he channeled a tiny sliver of his Earth Qi into it, then used a principle from the Book of Water. He didn't heat it; he vibrated it at a specific frequency, causing it to release its potent spiritual essence as a fine, invisible dust.
The wind was in their favor. The cloud of priceless, 500-year-old ginseng dust wafted gently towards the card-playing aliens.
Down by the log, the Madakaros who had lost the hand suddenly stopped grumbling. He sniffed the air.
"Hey... do you guys smell that?" he asked.
A second one sniffed. "Yeah. It smells like... like my grandmother's attic, if my grandmother was a god."
Then, the third one's primary eye started to twitch. "My... my sinus... is..."
"AH-CHOO!"
It was a sneeze of cosmic proportions. The Madakaros guard sneezed so hard his helmet nearly flew off, and a blast of snot shot out, hitting his laughing friend squarely in the face.
"Gross! Zylak, you sneezed on me!"
"I can't... help it... AH-CHOO!"
Soon, all four of them were sneezing uncontrollably. Their eyes were watering, their sinuses were on fire, and their high-stakes poker game was forgotten in a flurry of alien histamines. They were completely, utterly incapacitated by a severe case of spiritual hay fever.
Quynh Nhu's laughter, barely suppressed, echoed over the comms. "Oh my god... that is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."
Lin Ming turned to Pham Tuan, his face a mask of perfect seriousness. "Now. Let's go ask them for directions. Politely."