Ahhh… So, this is really the end! Damn it… All I ever wanted was to do one right thing, something that would give me a sense of peace… I just want… peace.."
My words faded into the darkness swallowing me, but the echo of a wish lingered in the void, like a living thing:
"I wish… I wish I could get a second chance… to savor it…"
Suddenly, a flicker pierced my vision… not exactly light, but a different sensation, a feeling of lightness seeping into my exhausted being. Did… did I get it? But this feeling… it's new and strange and… warm. Is this what they call… optimism?
———⟡ ☽ ⟡———
His voice nearly punctured my right eardrum, just as it had done to its left counterpart two years ago, leaving it deaf forever. The slam of the door against the wall preceded his gruff roar, but this time, I was awake before he could unleash his usual fury upon me.
He stood there, his massive frame blocking the doorway, disgust etched onto his face, digging into mine. His eyes, burning with suppressed rage, were the kindest thing one could expect on a day like this. I felt my mere existence provoked his anger.
Five minutes, That's all the time I had between waking up from my worn-out mattress and going down to face my daily hell.
Five minutes, or the punches and slaps would rain down; the second installment of dozens that would follow throughout the day.
But physical violence wasn't the only weapon this filth resorted to; the words were harsher, verbal whips tearing at my soul daily.
Curses aimed at me, and at the mother I never knew, the mother they claimed I killed just by being born… letting the poison seep into the veins of a boy barely seventeen, where hatred and anger grew like a ravenous beast in his chest.
He leaves first, taking his old, rusty car towards the workshop in the next town. As for me, I drag my feet across tens of kilometers of muddy dirt roads… from three in the morning until seven, every day, since I was a child of six barely able to carry myself. Sometimes I blame my mother for leaving me alone to face this fate, and other times I believe their lies, believe I'm a curse, and tell myself that Fa— the person I live with and work for, and his wife are right about me being the one who killed her. Fine, you bastards, if I'm the culprit, I won't hesitate to add both your names to my list someday…I finally reached the workshop, panting, sweat dripping from me.
He saw me enter, that sickeningly mocking smirk on his face."You're an hour late, you foundling brat!" His voice came out like rolling stones, leaving a terrifying echo behind.
But something inside me snapped today. Instead of shrinking away as usual, I slammed the heavy metal door shut behind me with force, creating a clang that reverberated through the dusty workshop.
His features froze for a moment, an uncharacteristic astonishment spreading across his wrinkled face.
Then he exploded with rage… He screamed at the top of his lungs, that scream that haunted my waking and sleeping hours, the scream that carved grooves into my soul. But this time, I didn't tremble, I didn't even hear him… Instead, I lifted my head and met his blazing gaze.
He hesitated slightly, taking an involuntary step back. How could he not? This was the first time I hadn't submitted to him. Despite all the pain he had caused me, a slow smile spread across my lips, a cold smile I felt tightening my skin until it almost reached my eyes. It wasn't a feeling of happiness, but pure hatred, hatred mixed with simmering anger and a bitter lump that had accompanied me since I first opened my eyes to this miserable world. And now… now it's time for your punishment, you senile old man.
"I didn't realize what came over me then, Your Honor…" My voice, faint despite its calmness, echoed in the silent courtroom.
I paused briefly before continuing:
"But as I plunged the knife… again and again… I felt a strange ecstasy, a power I'd never known before. With every stab, with every groan coming from him, with every warm spurt of blood staining my hands and face… I was happy.
No, I was ecstatic."I stopped to gather what words I had left, looking around at the faces of those present, distorted with disgust and fear.
"So yes, I killed them both… him and his wife. Without hesitation, without mercy, without pity. The only person I pity now, having regained some of my senses, is this criminal standing before you."Then I made a strange gesture, pointing to myself with a sarcastic smile, and added:
"And if time turned back, I'd do the same thing. Maybe… maybe with more stabs."A low murmur filled the courtroom: mutters, whispers, curses.
At first, the insults swirled towards me, then shifted towards the dead. But as soon as I heard my mother's name, I screamed at them with such intensity that my throat nearly tore itself apart. Screaming at this world that had given me nothing but pain, screaming until everyone fell silent, until only my crazed voice echoed in the hall…The trial didn't last long. Since I had no lawyer and had already confessed to my heinous crime… the sentence came down like a thunderbolt, not just on me, but on many in the courtroom.
"The court sentences the defendant, John Abraham, who killed his father and his father's wife, to forty years in prison." Then the judge banged his gavel before saying, "Court adjourned."
I knew it… I noticed that lone bearded man who had been looking at me differently, with eyes holding something like… understanding? M-maybe pity? Voices rose in opposition to the sentence. Even I was surprised how a criminal could do all this and not be executed?!Forty years, then back to this world? Fine… maybe I wanted to live longer without them.
But prison wasn't life; it was another earthly hell. Torture from the guards, and from the inmates. Forty years I served in full, without parole, as the sentence dictated.I walked out of prison a man in his late fifties, alone, broken, drowning in a darkness that wouldn't lift no matter how hard I tried.
Homeless, foodless, skill-less, and with a criminal record preceding me like a shadow. Life showed me no mercy at the beginning, none in the middle, and here it was, slapping me again at the end. I… hate it… I… hate myself…
If life doesn't grant you peace, then seize it for yourself… whatever the cost.The public park was my dwelling by night, its cold wooden bench my bed now.On a cold night, after tossing and turning failed… thoughts like cockroaches scurried in my head…
Suddenly… a burning pain pierced my back… A physical pain this time, sharp, cutting. And strange, familiar words pierced my ears, like a faint voice trembling behind me, a voice I hadn't heard in forty years:
"The court's sentence wasn't fair to me…" The words came out broken, charged with hatred and pain. He continued:
"So I decided to sentence you myself… to death, you murderer. Even if I pay the price… my father's and mother's justice will not be in vain… Taste the bitterness of losing your life… just as I tasted the bitterness of living as an orphan because of you…"It was my brother, my half-brother, the son of the man I killed. His words were harsher than the knife he stabbed me with… every letter tore at my ears as it entered… And for the first time in my long, miserable life, I felt something strange creep into the heart that had turned to stone since childhood… Is this… regret?My eyes closed against my will, the pain slowly fading, replaced by a cold numbness. But I gathered my last remaining breath and whispered faintly: "Even though… even though you wanted me to taste agony… you… gave me peace… Thank you…"I couldn't see his face, but I heard the sound of the knife falling to the ground, with great difficulty… And here it is, the end.
Finally, man… I'll be free from this torment… But, I'll meet those bastards again in hell…
"Ahhh… The light is so bright… I don't think this is what they call hell. And I don't think it's heaven… let's be realistic."
I'm in a bright, warm place. My body no longer hurts, and my mind is strangely clear.As I was thinking, a calm, comforting voice came from nearby. After opening my eyes, the first thing I saw was a person with a white beard and serene features.
He looked old at first glance, but if you looked closely at the details of his face, you wouldn't find wrinkles… Strange!! Conversely, his voice filled me with a comfort I'd never known… as it resonated:
"Optimism… Wake up." Resting on my hands… I shifted my body, which felt light and balanced this time… Things were getting stranger!
"W-who are you?" I thought my question was normal, but his answer wasn't. He sighed slowly before shocking me with his reply:
"You don't seem yourself at this hour… What happened to you?"
What is this person rambling about… I couldn't rest until I repeated the question: "Who are you, you strange old ma— … Wait a minute… Didn't I just die? How did I get to this place??"
"- Finally! You remembered you died… You fell in the battle of the Valley of Feelings… You must hurry there, for Patience alone fights against that demon now!"His words struck me like lightning… as if time stopped around me while I tried to process every word he uttered…
Battle? Valley of Feelings? Demon? Patience? My mind struggled to grasp these new concepts, while a strange name echoed in my head…
And who… is Optimism ???
— End Of Chapter —