2.11
I enter my room at the inn… They gave me a water bowl, shampoo, soap and some towels… I should have looked for a place where I could take an actual bath… Though the bed is very comfy.
It sure has been an eventful day, being thrown into another world with Demon Lord on my status and all…
For a moment I was even afraid they would send assassins or something after us, since we deserted the army… But maybe I was being too paranoid… I say that, but I did put up a barricade in front of the door…
Caham.
I look at the night city from my window, and can't help but have my thoughts turn to my little sister once more. Is Tsubaki okay? She must be worried, looking for me. Maybe she went to my college, or the cops… She might think I've abandoned her…
I need to find a way to go back, quickly. She doesn't know how to cook, or do the other house chores… She's very smart, but doesn't know how to take care of herself, she's just a kid…
What must she be feeling right now?
I feel a sharp pain in my chest, my stomach is swirling from worry.
Damn it, this is so unfair!
Why do these kinds of things always happen in our family!?
…
…
…
I have a confession to make.
Sometimes, I couldn't help but feel this ghost of an idea at the back of my head.
That I'd spent my youth raising my little sister.
Of course, I love her. But the responsibility of taking care of her and myself at the same time… I was just a teenager when my parents---
…
Not only did I have to learn to live by myself, I also had to sacrifice a lot to raise her. While my friends were playing and hanging out, all I had time to do was study, work and take care of the house, the bills and… Tsubaki. I understand why there was opposition to having her stay with me instead of going to adoption--- But wouldn't it be too cruel for them to take her away from me!? She's all I have left!
I was forced to choose either her or my freedom. And while I do not regret my choice, I couldn't help but think… I was burdened with an obligation I shouldn't have had. Is this the reason why there are so many rules and conditions in order to turn into a legal guardian? And the reason why so many with that obligation run from the responsibility?
But I… I don't want to be left alone either… Whom do I have if not her…?
Life makes us let go of so many things, just so we can keep a few others… And then it takes them away as well.
I've been brought to a different world and now even my capacity for choice has been taken. And yet… What is left isn't indignation. I'm ashamed to say, it's relief…
Have you ever felt like dropping everything and simply running away? I have.
And now, if I simply ignored that, and let my anger go unchecked for being summoned by the Goddess… It would be a shameless way of trying to hide a part of myself I dislike. To create an image of myself that does not represent everything that I am. The fact that the Goddess took away my freedom of choice has freed me from the consequences of my own choices.
This isn't good. And yet, why do I feel so light? A false freedom, that takes me away from my everything, my choices and responsibilities, my pride and my shame, my happiness and sorrow… All I wanted was to watch Tsubaki grow and turn independent. But now, even aware of how distorted this freedom is, what I feel is so real…
Even though I know, I shouldn't abandon Tsubaki, like my parents did to me!
!!!
I-I didn't mean it this way…
…
~♫♫♫~
I sing. A song I sang to comfort Tsubaki to sleep. The same one my mom used to sing us. A song about enduring hardship, and working hard at understanding each other, connecting hearts and finding happiness. A song she shamelessly ripped off from a game, shiawase no pan…
Heh… I wonder, who was I actually trying to comfort…
…
…
…
What should I even do from now on…? Soon the 'heroes' will begin to hunt people with the Demon Lord's soul, and I have no idea when it will be my own turn. The Goddess mentioned a current leader of the demons, so they probably have a higher percentage of the soul than me…
Wait, if I do the math, doesn't that make me next in line, already? Should I just run as far away as I can? Will those kids really try to kill me? Well, that fanatic simp, Blythe, just might do whatever the Goddess says, and she doesn't seem to be very merciful…
The best option for earning more time would be…
I have 40% of the soul, and that smaller Demon Lord has 11%. The Goddess also mentioned that demons would compete for parts of the soul. So I would have to find and beat them before the 'heroes' do, otherwise they would seal that part of the soul. If I could secure 51% of the soul, that would make me the last name on their death-note for sure. And while they're fighting off the other demon, I could look for a way back to my world.
Sounds like a plan…
First go on adventures and earn money and experience, while also searching for a way to go back. Next I beat up my junior Demon Lord, who hopefully isn't that strong…
Yeah, I'm screwed… But when I think about saving my ass--- I mean, going back to my sister, I can't give up!
Ok, let's do it!
I'm nervous, and afraid, but for some reason I'm also smiling. Exciting, this is going to be fun!
With conflicting feelings, I finish my first day on this new world.