I walked through the bustling school hallways, the chatter of students fading into a distant hum. My mind was too heavy to process the noise, my body moving on autopilot. As I reached my locker, I spotted Lucien waiting there. My breath hitched—My god, he's everywhere.
And for once, I was glad. But as I met his eyes, a pang of guilt crept in. He was going through just as much as I was, maybe more. Still, I found myself holding onto the small comfort of him being here. I managed a tired smile.
I approached him, hoping to start a conversation. "Hey–" I was cut off, "How are your parents doing?" he asked, his voice barely above a sigh. I could see that his eyes were watery. Was that why he kept seeking me out? Had he been searching for comfort, just like I did?
"They…They're okay. My aunt says," I stammered, trying to talk about it.
"How's your dad..?" I finally asked.
"I don't know," he muttered, his voice thick with sorrow as he clenched his fist. His eyes never met mine. "They wouldn't let me see him."
"Oh, I-I'm.. sorry for that.." I didn't know how to respond, my mind went blank.
As the weight of his words settled between us, a heavy silence lingered. I wanted to say something—anything—to ease the ache in his voice, but before I could find the right words, the sharp chime of the bell echoed through the halls.
Lucien exhaled, his shoulders slumping ever so slightly. "We should get to class," he murmured with barely any energy.
Reluctantly, I nodded. Without another word, we turned and walked in opposite directions, the unspoken weight of our conversation following us to our seats.
I jotted down notes in my notebook, but nothing felt right that day. My mind felt scattered, the words on the page blurring together. Every now and then, I stole glances at him, my heart pounding with worry. He looked distant, lost in thought, and no matter how hard I tried to focus, although his unusual expression wouldn't just let me.
After what felt like hours, I was startled by the noise of the bell which echoed in my head. I could finally talk to him, but, I don't know what to say. Would it be comforting if I just say like it was for me? I got lost in deep thought, I walked to him unknowingly on autopilot.
His eyes met mine, "You don't need to force yourself to stay," he exhaled as he packed his belongings and got ready to leave.
"It's really not like that, I–" I was cut off by him. Again. He never listens. "Get going," he said and walked away with his belongings in his hands. I could see his stoic façade waver. Even if just for a while.
I drifted to my next class, only to spot Sylvia there. It's a never ending struggle for me at school. She looked down and was unusually scared. I should've been happy, perhaps a part of me was. She was lost in thought and stared at her notebook blankly, scratching her nails against the desk. It physically hurt me to see her do that.
I faltered at first, but then made my way to her. I was struck by the voice of my teacher, "All the seats are taken there, come and sit in the front," she said as Sylvia's eyes darted to mine for a split second. I could swear I felt it.
I laughed awkwardly and made my way to an empty seat in the front. I glanced around to see if anybody familiar is nearby. Anybody. I saw Ora on my right. I put on smile and waved at her. "Hello, Lavinia here," I introduced myself. "Thank you for helping me out. Sylvia feels like a bitch to me!" she commented, probably expecting me to agree and laugh. That enraged me. She's probably just trying to fit in, but this is not the way. "Stop it," I demanded, "Don't say that about her."
"Are you done speaking?" The teacher glared at me and went on with her teaching. "Sorry," I said under my breath
My mind wandered the whole time. Chaos was everything in my life at the moment.
Sylvia. Lucien. Mom. Dad. Everything.
I tried to talk to him after school, but he left early today.
I sighed, staring down the near-empty hallway, my bag slung lazily over my shoulder. Lucien was gone, slipping away before I could say anything. Again.
Maybe he needed space. Maybe he was just exhausted. But still, something about the way he left gnawed at me.
I adjusted my bag and started down the stairs, my footsteps echoing against the walls. The school had mostly cleared out by now, leaving only a few stragglers lingering by their lockers, chatting about weekend plans like the world wasn't caving in around them.
I stepped outside. The evening air was crisp, biting at my skin, but I barely felt it. The walk home stretched before me, long and empty, but I wasn't in the mood to take the bus. Being around people felt unbearable.
The sky was dull, streaked with gray clouds that threatened rain, but I barely glanced up. My mind was elsewhere, tangled in thoughts I couldn't sort through. Aunt Julia is probably at work right now.
Lucien. His expression today. How distant he looked.
Sylvia. The way her nails scratched against her desk, the silent desperation in her movements.
My parents. The uncertainty that loomed over them.
I shook my head as if that would clear the noise in my mind, but it only grew louder.
The walk felt endless, every step weighed down by exhaustion I hadn't fully acknowledged until now. My body moved on autopilot, my thoughts flickering between past conversations, unanswered questions, and the suffocating weight of the unknown.
By the time I reached my street, my legs ached, and the dull throbbing in my head had worsened. The house loomed ahead, its porch light flickering faintly. For a moment, I hesitated at the doorstep, staring at the door as if it held all the answers I needed.
It didn't.
With a sigh, I turned the handle and stepped inside. The silence hit me first— heavy, all-consuming.
I shut the door behind me and let my bag slide off my shoulder, dropping it by the entrance. I barely had the energy to care where it landed.
The house was dim, the only light seeping through the half-closed curtains. It felt hollow, like an abandoned shell of what it used to be.
I made my way up the stairs, dragging my feet with each step. My room greeted me with its usual mess—books scattered across the desk, clothes in an unorganized pile on the chair, my bed unmade. I should've cared. But I didn't.
Without bothering to turn on the light, I collapsed onto my bed, burying my face into the pillow.
For a moment, I just lay there, listening to the muffled sound of my own breathing.
I should get up. Do something. Eat, maybe. Finish my homework. Call Julia back.
But I didn't.
I stayed still, eyes squeezed shut, waiting for the heaviness in my chest to fade.
It didn't. And I wasn't sure when it would..
My grades are falling, everything is.
I dashed down the stairs, my heart hammering in sync with the shrill ringing of my cell phone on the counter down the stairs. Every step felt heavier than the last as a surge of anticipation and dread coursed through me.
My fingers trembled as I snatched up my phone bracing myself for whatever news awaited on the other end.
"Hello?" My voice came out uneven, breathless. "Lavinia speaking."
There was a brief pause before a familiar voice filled the line. "Hey, it's Julia," she said, her tone light but carrying an undertone of caution. "I'm heading to see your mom and dad. Do you want to come with me?"
The breath I'd been holding whooshed out of me, relief mixing with hesitation. For a moment, I'd feared the worst—feared that this call would confirm the worries that had been gnawing at me all day.
I gripped the phone tighter. "Yeah," I said, my voice stteadier now. "I'll come."