The silence was loud enough to speak — it echoed in the room.
I could hear the faint ticking of the clock. The stillness was suffocating and thick with tension. I saw Mom's hands shuffle occasionally, an almost mechanical motion.
Four days. The weight of it made my stomach twist into knots. Ninety-six hours since she got discharged and One-thousand-fifty-six hours from when they got admitted into the hospital. My breath hitched every time I saw my mom. Her gaze was distant, staring at something only she could see. I could see her, I could feel her, but I feel like she's still miles away from me, like a sour distant memory. I feel like I'm losing her. Twice. I know that it's her, but it is still hard for me to get used to new version of her.
Almost 3 weeks and I haven't heard her voice.
"Mom," I started, my eyes wandered the whole room as I searched for words to say, anything to break the silence and make her come back. Her eyes, her world, it felt as if she were somewhere else totally. I didn't want to speak. The courage I had just mustered dissipated. I held my phone in hand. I unlocked it but I didn't know what to do. My mind wandered somewhere far away, I couldn't concentrate.
The bills kept piling up, an unbearable weight pressing down on me. She's alive. They're both alive. I repeated the thought like a lifeline, but it did little to steady my heart. Isn't this what insurance is for? Then why won't they answer? My chest tightened, panic took over me. What happens if we can't pay? I couldn't even bring myself to finish the thought.
My eyes darted back to my Mom. She's asleep. The steady rise and fall of her chest gave me solace.
I stared at my phone, my thumb hovering over Julia's contact. My heart pounded against my chest, a nervous rhythm that made my fingers feel stiff. What if she was busy? What if she got annoyed? I hated the idea of being a burden, of reminding her yet again that I was helpless in all of this. But the bills—God, the bills—thoughts kept flashing in my mind, each one a weight pressing harder on my chest. I swallowed, forcing myself to breathe. Mom was asleep. I was alone. And I needed answers. I clenched my jaw and unlocked my phone, my hesitation stretching into long, unbearable seconds. Finally, before I could overthink any further, I pressed the call button, bracing myself for whatever Julia would say.
It's ringing. I said to myself. Then she picked up the call. "What… What of the insurance?" I hesitated. Yeah, she probably knew that money was tight. Would Mom have been proud of me if she saw me being responsible?
She sighed deeply before answering, "Yeah, the insurance company isn't answering at all.. They keep saying some weird excuses. But hey, I'll keep at it," She tried to reassure me, being quite stressed herself. We have been trying for weeks. No, She has been trying for weeks. No response from the company. Only excuses. I hate how clueless I am right now. "Bye then," I cut the call and let out a deep breath. Things have sure been rough lately. I set my phone volume low, not wanting to startle Mom awake. She needs rest.
I felt my phone vibrate on my lap. "Lucien" it read. Yeah, we shared contacts in the school infirmary back then. Without any hesitation, I answered his call. "Hey– " I was cut off by him. Again. This dude sure loves to cut me off. "My Dad is getting discharged in 4 days!" he exclaimed, his voice full of energy. The sheer amount of joy was undeniable.
"That's great to know," I responded, trying to match his energy. Obviously, I couldn't.
"Well, nevermind that, I heard your Mom got discharged," He sounded confident, his voice laced with an unusual sort of guilt.
"She did, but-" I cut myself off, thinking whether I could even share this with him. We're not even that close to each other.
"You can tell me," He reassured me. It was as if he could straight up read my mind. I don't deserve to even talk to him.
I panicked. My breath hitched. Am I sharing too much? Am I bugging him with it? My mouth acted before I knew. "She's not herself," I blabbered.
He paused for a moment before replying, "Well, She's going to need time to recover. She's alive, and that's what matters right?"
I knew that much too, but him saying it gave me have a weird sense of peace. "Yeah, thank you," I spoke through hitched breaths.
***
Enjoyed my story? Please consider commenting or dropping power stones to boost the algorithm~ (≧▽≦)