Colonel Mustard's Divine Roast: Even God Needs His Mother
(Picture this as a playful, clever roast—lighthearted, respectful, and full of wit, just the way a good burlesque crowd would love!)
Verse 1:
Oh God, you made the heavens, you made the stars so bright,
But sometimes, Big Guy, you can't even get Monday night right.
You split the seas, you made the trees, you're the boss of the show,
But even you could use a mother to tell you where your socks go!
Chorus:
'Cause even God needs his mother, to keep his halo straight,
To tell him, "Eat your veggies, don't stay up too late!"
You can smite a city, you can part the sea,
But you still need a mom to say, "Clean up after thee!"
Verse 2:
You gave us free will, you gave us rain and sun,
But you never learned to pick up after you're done.
Those plagues in Egypt? That was a mess,
Bet your mother would've told you, "God, clean up, no less!"
Chorus:
Even God needs his mother, to keep him in line,
To remind him, "Don't play favorites, share the bread and wine!"
You made the universe, you made the dove,
But you still need a mom for a little tough love.
Bridge:
So next time you're feeling holy, sitting on your cloud,
Remember your mother, she'd make you proud.
She'd say, "Call your children, don't let them fight,
And for heaven's sake, turn off your light!"
Final Chorus:
Even God needs his mother, it's just how it goes,
To remind him to cover his feet and blow his nose.
So here's to the moms, both mortal and divine—
'Cause even the Almighty needs a mother sometimes!
Roasted with love, sprinkled with common sense, and served up hot—because even the Creator could use a little motherly advice now and then!