Li Wei sat cross-legged on a silk cushion in the Verdant Sword Sect's Hall of Eternal Reflection—a place he'd only ever mopped before today.
Now, he was its guest of honor.
The scent of incense hung thick in the air, mingling with the awed whispers of disciples peeking through the door. Elder Zhu paced before him, stroking his beard like a man who'd just discovered heaven's greatest secret.
"To think," the elder murmured, "a supreme expert has been hiding among us, testing our humility all this time!"
Li Wei's left eyelid twitched.
**[SYSTEM NOTICE: Host's 'mysterious aura' is at 78% effectiveness. Recommend scowling to maintain intimidation.]**
He scowled. The disciples at the door gasped and scrambled back.
This is my life now, Li Wei thought numbly. I scowl, and people faint.
Elder Zhu clasped his hands. "Esteemed Senior Brother Li—no, Venerable Li—might this lowly one inquire… what profound insight led you to conceal your true power?"
Li Wei's mouth went dry. The System, ever helpful, flashed:
**[Suggested Response: "The Dao is best understood… by those who first clean its floors." (Add cryptic smile.)]**
He repeated it verbatim.
The effect was instantaneous. Elder Zhu's eyes welled with tears. "Ah! Such wisdom! To think, we dismissed janitorial work as menial labor, when it was the ultimate cultivation method all along!"
A junior disciple in the back fainted. Another began feverishly scribbling notes titled "The Sacred Art of Mopping: A Path to Divinity."
Li Wei's soul quietly exited his body for the third time that hour.
---
The "Venerable Li" charade lasted exactly one incense stick's time before Sect Master Bai himself arrived—a towering figure whose beard alone could've crushed a mortal man. His gaze swept over Li Wei, and the System promptly panicked:
**[WARNING! Host's 'fake aura' ineffective against Golden Core cultivators!]**
**[Emergency Measure: Activate 'Divine Coughing Fit' to avoid scrutiny?]**
Li Wei coughed violently.
Sect Master Bai's eyebrows rose. "You're injured?"
"*Cough*—no, no, this is just—hack—my 'Nine Heavens Cleansing Breath Technique.'" Li Wei wheezed. " Very advanced."
The Sect Master's eyes narrowed. Then, to Li Wei's horror, he *smiled*.
"A demonstration, then." He flicked his sleeve. "Young Master Chen! Spar with our… esteemed guest."
A sneering youth stepped forward—Chen Jian, the sect's top disciple and Li Wei's personal nemesis (though Chen had never learned his name). His sword gleamed with lethal intent.
**[SYSTEM ALERT: Host's survival probability: 12%]**
**[Recommended Action: Scream. Then run. Then scream while running.]**
Li Wei stood slowly, knees knocking. The crowd held its breath.
Then—inspiration.
He raised a single finger. "Before we begin… have you checked your shoelaces?"
Chen Jian blinked. "My what?"
"Your shoelaces," Li Wei repeated solemnly. "A warrior's foundation begins with his stance. And your stance…" He shook his head sadly. "Tsk. Loose laces."
The entire hall instinctively looked down.
**[SKILL UNLOCKED: 'Distraction Fu' (Novice)]**
In that split second, Li Wei moved—not toward Chen, but to the hall's ornate pillar. He tapped it lightly.
**CRACK.**
A fissure split the pillar top to bottom. Dust rained down. The crowd screamed.
Chen Jian paled. "H-how? That's reinforced jade steel!"
Li Wei folded his arms, channeling every scrap of fake confidence he'd learned from watching drunk elders bluff at mahjong. "The weakest point of any structure… is the one you create."
**[ACHIEVEMENT: 'Bullsh*t Artist (Rank 1)']**
The Sect Master's eyes glowed. "Incredible! You didn't even touch your qi!"
Li Wei exhaled. *Because I don't HAVE any, you moron—*
Then the System ruined everything.
**[NEW QUEST: Perform 'Heavenly Sword Intent' Before Sunset]**
**[Reward: 1 Free 'Near-Death Escape' Coupon]**
**[Failure: Public Humiliation + Probable Disembowelment]**
---
By dusk, half the sect had gathered at the training cliffs to witness "Venerable Li's" sword demonstration. The other half were busy auctioning off his "used cleaning rags" as divine relics.
Li Wei stood at the cliff's edge, holding a training sword that felt heavier than his regrets. Below him, a 300-foot drop waited to greet his bones.
*Think. How do I fake 'sword intent' without dying?*
The System, sensing his desperation, offered:
**[Pro Tip: 'Sword Intent' is 90% dramatic posing + 10% luck.]**
**[Suggested Pose: 'Lone Phoenix Gazing at the Moon' (Arms spread, one leg lifted)]**
Li Wei sighed. *Might as well die looking stupid.*
He struck the pose. The crowd oohed.
Then—a miracle. A freak gust of wind hit the cliff, sending a loose boulder tumbling into the abyss. It shattered midair, the debris forming a perfect sword shape before vanishing.
The sect erupted.
"HE CLEAVED STONE WITH HIS MIND!"
"THE AIR ITSELF OBEYS HIS WILL!"
Li Wei stared at his hands. *…Did I just get saved by weather?*
**[SYSTEM: Host's 'luck stat' is officially broken. Please nerf.]**
Sect Master Bai approached, tears in his eyes. "Venerable Li… will you teach us?"
Li Wei opened his mouth—
**[NEW TITLE: 'Sword Saint of the Whispering Breeze']**
**[Effect: +50% to all bluff checks involving wind.]**
—and grinned. "Very well. Lesson one: *True power… comes from knowing when to stand still.*"
The disciples scrambled for parchment to record this "profound truth."
As night fell, Li Wei retreated to his *new* quarters (a palace formerly reserved for founding elders). He collapsed onto a bed softer than a cloud, staring at the ceiling.
*I survived Day One.*
Then the System pinged.
**[DAILY REPORT: Host's 'Legendary Status' at 31%]**
**[Remaining Until Demon King Fight: 29 Days]**
**[Suggested Night Activity: Practice screaming. Tomorrow will be worse.]**
Li Wei pulled a pillow over his face and screamed.
**--- CHAPTER END ---**