Opens the door.
Faces his father, who was waiting for holding his hand. He can't ignore the wide smile on his face. He keeps looking down, and his father feels emotional after guessing how beautiful his son is looking today! Feeling, how big he becomes! But controls himself instantly. Extends his hands to hold Luka's. He gives his hands and holds his arms.
Hasn't said a word, hasn't expressed a feeling. Holding his chin down, as he should, as everybody does. Understanding the crowd around him, clapping, cheering, smiling, praising. Puts his feet on the velvet blue aisle runner, covered with white rose petals. Suddenly, feels a wag. Felt like a low voltage electricity has been flown all over in his body. Heard claps and mutterings. He handles himself this time. He doesn't know, for how long, he is going to handle himself. He can only call God for saving him. He is not ready.
He is walking on the aisle to the floral arbour altar, holding his father's arms tightly. Somehow, his father is feeling his emotion through his unfamiliar movements and budges. He can't tell himself, it is a wedding goosebump we all have. He slightly moves his head to put an eye on his right side, sees Luka normally taking breath and walking. As he does, he maintains himself every single time. His father thought it was all good with him, and he smiled as he came back to normal mood.
But Luka? He can't be normal. Whether he promised his mother, whether he promised himself, he can not become. It is not easy for him to be normal, at least at this moment. Yes, he puts his feet on the wedding carpet, which doesn't mean he is accepting the praises, accepting the happiness. It has been his pleasure to give the blessed moment to everybody else, but from where can he find his own? Although it is his wedding ceremony, he still can not feel it. How could he settle himself for the rest of his life?
Middle of the aisle,
Suddenly, he feels an eccentric wave grabbing his mind and pushing him back to realize someone's presence. Someone was waiting on the adorned altar. His heart starts beating faster, and his hands are shaking. As his father again looks at him but Luka makes sure everything is okay with him. He can not destroy the feedback of his father in the meantime. They keep processing down the aisle towards the groom. Finally, they reached on the altar and stopped their. Maybe it was the time for his father to unleash those hands. As he can not, but he should.
Luka, nothing but couldn't breathe this time. That's the moment, for what he was praying to God to stop the time. Impossible it was, as he was counting the moments, what remained bigger than seconds.
Feels, his eyes are crying again. Again, he holds those. Maybe nobody will know. But he was just compelled.
The groom takes a few steps forward on the stairs and extends his hands to greet the bride. His father holds Luka's palm and consigned those hands. The groom took those as Luka kept his feet on the stairs and walked to the altar.
Feels the hesitation. Feels the obligation.
He kept choosing those since last year. The pressure he never got ridden off, the unusual feedbacks his mind kept saying him. Yelling at himself in the mirror, why did those regulations and prestige keep burning him. Why each time he feels low, detached. He never knew, life will be turning in that way after the World Cup. Started hearing those predictions, never believed it. Never asked for the confirmation. Always thought, it was all just his family's depressions about him and about his life partner. He was somehow happy, not involving in family matters. And all the way wrong, after taking is as permanent. After hearing those rumors, he took it as a joke each time. He took it as come-and-go matter. Feels laughed each time. Always thinking he can find himself a better one. Ignoring the family member's conversation at the same time. Never cared about the preparation his family was maintaining. Just a damn care vibe away from his crumbled heart, away from his overthinking and unwelcomed moments.
But he never thought it was going to be true one day. This day, he is seeing all those as RESULTS.
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