I stumbled forward, almost falling over as I swayed dangerously on my feet. Leaning against the brick wall to my right, I fought to get my swimming vision back under control. A moment later, I leaned forward and heaved. It seemed to go on for ages as seemingly everything I'd ever eaten came up all at once. My body shook, feeling weak and feverish—an all over, bone-deep ache, twitching muscles, and feeling simultaneously hot and cold.
My hair—black starting to go gray, and cut down to my shoulders—fell out. Reaching up, I found my salt and pepper beard was beginning to fall out as well.
When it finally stopped, I nearly started up again as the sheer stench hit me, along with the lingering taste in my mouth. Backing away from the puddle of bubbling black sludge rapidly evaporating in front of me, I worked up some saliva and spat on the ground as I tried to clear my mouth. Reaching up, I felt my hair had pushed back out of my head and feeling my face, I felt a bit of stubble, but only what you'd call a 5 o'clock shadow.
Pretty sure puke isn't supposed to look like tar. Glancing down at myself, I mentally added, Also, pretty sure people aren't supposed to undergo sudden, radical morphological changes while yakking up their toenails, including losing and then regrowing hair.
My suit felt a bit tight about the chest and shoulders and a bit loose at the waist—and a pat down told me that under my clothes, I had suddenly got swole and lost the little gut I'd been meaning to work off at the gym.
I had to tighten up my belt a bit keep my suit pants from falling off as I made my way out of the alleyway I'd inexplicably found myself in. Entirely lacking in knowledge of where I was or how I'd gotten here, given that last I knew I had been driving back home from a night out with friends. But thinking back, things felt… fuzzy, and my head hurt trying to think about it too hard. I had that feeling, like I should remember something but the more I tried to remember, the further away it got.
I added 'sudden translocation' to my list of things that people weren't supposed to just suddenly do as the shakes finally left me and I felt sure of my footing again.
Stepping out of the alley, I blinked, looking out over a stone road full of pedestrians walking around dressed like they were in a Renaissance fair, horses with riders, and horse drawn carriages. The buildings were all made of the same stone as the road, with red clay or adobe shingle rooves. Every structure that wasn't a home looked to be made of wood. It looked… about like what I'd expect of a medieval town—or a fantasy town. Except that in real life, one wouldn't be this clean. I mean, the streets were so immaculate I could make out the colors of the individual bricks. There was a bit of dirt and mud, sure, a little horse shit here and there, but it all looked fresh—day old at most. It didn't reek like a cesspit of filth, aside from the musk of body odor of those nearby, but even that wasn't days or weeks unwashed rank, just an 'I'm not wearing deodorant' level of smell.
As I looked around, I took in the people walking by. I spotted a few knights in armor so clean it shone under the mid-day sun. A girl with elf ears, wearing a short skirt, a short purple cloak, and a witch's hat and carrying a staff walked by, drawing my eye. A woman with black hair and cat ears! walking by wearing a red and purple striped outfit. Another, taller woman with blue hair, wearing some kind of robe over… Is that a body suit with the midsection cut out?
Good news? Every conversation around me sounded like it was in English. A look at a store front briefly showed alien writing, before it shifted before my eyes into English.
Closing my eyes, I reached up and rubbed at my face, only to realize that my driving glasses had fallen off at some point—probably while I was indisposed. And yet, I could see perfectly. Better than when when I had worn them.
…I've seen this setup before. I've written this setup before. The punchline is 'surprise isekai.' So let's just… skip the whole 'is this real' shtick. I have to trust my own senses, and my senses tell me it's real. Which means I'm in an alien world, likely with a whole bunch of dangers I need to identify quickly. Likewise, I can skip 'how did I get here.' I don't know and even if I didn't talk to a ROB or meet with an untimely end at the grill of Truck-kun, the possibilities are endless. No point wasting time on that. Though, with the way my head feels, it's possible something happened and I'm missing time.
Nodding to myself, I stepped out of the alley fully and leaned against the wall of the building to my left. Alright, take stock.
Patting myself down in the old 'spectacles, testicles, wallet, watch' check, I came up with everything on my person. One Ridge wallet with: bank card, local high school 'support our school, get discounts at local stores' discount card, fishing license, hunting license, concealed carry permit, driver's license, two crisp twenty dollar bills. One Leatherman knife/multi-tool. One Samsung Android phone and a set of Cowin ear buds. One Smith and Wesson M&P Shield 9mm pistol in my shoulder holster, one eight-round magazine loaded, one spare in the holster pouch. Camo jacket I was going to have to shed soon, because it was actually warm here as opposed to balls cold where I'd just come from. One set of gloves, one USB charging cable that fit the phone and ear buds, and two spare eight-round magazines in the pockets… along with something I couldn't account for as mine.
The mystery item in question was a small, round vial of blue fluid that glowed faintly in the light coming down from above. It looked, well, like a potion vial from a video game—or the kind of thing you buy at a renfair. Attached to the short neck was a small note that looked to have been typed and printed from a laser printer—even down to the tracks of toner dust stuck on the sheet. I read the short description and my eyebrows crept towards my hairline.
Essence of the Crafter.
By consuming the Essence of the Crafter, you will gain several boons:
-Master Craftsman: able to design, build, and maintain anything from machines to a simple shovel.
-Flawless work: anything created will never rot or rust, and can only be destroyed through violence. These creations are extremely durable.
-Creations made by the Crafter work better than those made by someone else.
-The Crafter can conjure any dead or inorganic material(s) needed to work from thin air.
-Mythical crafting: can craft items on par with those in myth and legend. Spears that never miss, swords that cut through anything, invulnerable armor, etc.
-Conceptual crafting: can force specific abilities onto items through sheer skill and willpower.
This is a joke, right?
On the one hand, it was absurd. On the other hand… so was being isekai'd, healed, deaged, and physically changed into what I'd consider my ideal mental image of myself.
Shrugging, I popped the cork and tossed the 'essence' back. It tasted like licking a battery and the moment the last of it drained into my throat, my body froze. My head felt like it split open and, for a brief moment, the ring of hammer on steel filled my ears and it felt like I was connected to something bigger than myself.
Then it went away and my body sagged against the wall.
Fuck me, I tried to catch my breath as my heart hammered in my chest. That was a rush!
Doing some self-reflection and examination, I found that my head wasn't really full of plans or anything now, but the moment I started thinking towards wanting to build something—say, for instance, making new rounds for my pistol—I knew exactly how. Those plans and schematics came when I needed them, but didn't linger if I wasn't focused on them.
Thank God it's not like Worm and the Tinker curse. That would suck. Being able to turn it off when you need to is best.
An interesting side effect of suddenly being able to build anything was being able to look at something and identify it and know how it was constructed. It was kind of like being a mechanic all your life and being able to look at a car and have a good idea of what's under the hood and how to fix it, except turned up to eleven… then building a bigger knob and cranking it up higher. Looking at my phone, for instance, I knew exactly how it was made, what it was made of, and could make an exact copy if I wanted to—down to the programming, by apparently magical fiat. Because magic said so.
It was absolute bullshit, but you know what? I'd take it.
Alright, what now?
Well, I should probably find out where I was, for starters. Take a lay of the land. Figure out the local currency and how to make money. Shelter, food, water. Basic necessities. In any town, those things cost money.
No, hang on. Before anything else, I should probably so something about this, I mused, looking down at myself. I stood out like a sore thumb, even among the fantasy themed crowd here.
Power testing first. I can conjure materials and make things. Give things magical powers. So, just how bullshit are my powers?
Moving back into the alley, I made my way back past where the puddle of concentrated evil had evaporated, leaving a burned mark on the ground and my hair, looking for a place where I could have some semblance of privacy.
Exiting out the other side of the alley, I found myself on a small side street running along a canal, with a small stream flowing through it. Back here, it wasn't crowded at all—there were two pedestrians in sight and neither of them paid me any mind. I picked a direction and started walking. After several minutes, I came across what looked like the back side of some kind of storage building. Slipping in through an open door, I found myself in a small, dark room filled with old, empty barrels covered in dust. Pulling the door to behind me so only a sliver of light peeked through, I turned a barrel over and sat down as I began working.
Alright, so I need clothes that fit in. I feel like I can definitely conjure the sorts of materials needed to make something that will allow me to blend in, but I still need tools to work on them. So, how do I cut down on tools?
The obvious answer was to munchkin. Cheat my ass off. The absolutely most bullshit universal multi-tool when it came to crafting was the ability to produce any tool you needed at will, or emulate having them. And one of the best ways I'd thought of to do that in various settings was telekinesis. You didn't even need 'yeet your enemies into the sun' levels of telekinesis to do it. In fact, the more precise, the finer the control was, the better in this case.
So, can I make a tool of some sort that produces telekinesis on demand?
Short answer: yes.
Longer answer: yes, and it would be ridiculously simple to do so.
To the tune of conjuring a silver rod roughly five inches long, a small length of steel shaped like a pick, then scratching scribbles into the rod. A second to conjure the materials, ten minutes or so to scribble the doodles onto the rod.
"Alright, let's hope this works," I muttered, before pointing the rod at a barrel across the room. Immediately, I felt a bit of a drain, a strain like moving my arm, and the barrel lifted into the air. Controlling it was easy and intuitive—ridiculously so, really.
My face split into a wide grin. Amazing failed to describe it. Being able to create, to just conjure something from nothing and then do other magic was… there was no feeling like it. I was excited to get started doing more.
Next step: miniaturization and spares.
I conjured a ring shaped loop of silver, then used telekinesis to mold it to fit my right middle finger. The scribbling for runes came much faster and smaller this time, as I used telekinesis to do it. Slipping the ring onto my finger, I gave it a quick test to verify it worked, and went on with my next project: clothes that fit.
Somehow, I knew my own new measurements instinctively—so it was the work of a few minutes to conjure appropriate materials similar to what I had seen others outside wearing. Nothing really fit now except my socks, belt, and boots, so I went ahead and replaced the whole set.
Sturdy thread to stitch everything together. Steel buttons and zippers where needed, because those were just shaped metal I could conjure and put together as needed. Cotton and elastic to make new boxers that fit—and somehow, I could just conjure elastic, instead of needing to go through some sort of process to make it, which indicated some level of production was allowed to whatever I summoned, though I should have probably figured that out sooner given I was summoning cloth instead of the stuff needed to make the cloth from the ground up. Either way, I wasn't going to complain there. Denim for black pants that looked like those worn by the few men running around. More cotton to make a simple dark green long sleeved shirt. A long, dark gray hooded coat made from some local material I didn't know the name of, but all the cloaks here seemed to be made of to make them waterproof. With new socks and leather boots to finish things off.
But, because I was making them myself, I could also enchant them how I liked. Basic materials apparently couldn't hold much in the way of magic, according to the knowledge I had—at most two, maybe three enchantments, but I didn't need many. Everything got a round of enchantment for self-cleaning, water-repelling/fast drying, and climate control so they would be comfortable in almost any climate.
Slipping my shoulder rig on under my new jacket and transferring my things to my pockets, I considered my old clothes for a moment. Best I burn the evidence.
Which left me with the question of how to do that. The answer brought a smile to my face, as I used my ring to add a new enchantment to my rod, then the rod to add it to my ring. Carrying my things outside, I dropped them on the ground. I pointed at them and a stream of fire washed over them. They burned down to ask only a few moments later, under the stream of fire, leaving behind nothing but a little smoke and a bit of soot.
Pocketing my rod, I moved back towards the main street and merged into foot traffic. No one paid me any mind as I made my way up the street, following the general flow of traffic that looked like it was heading deeper into the city. Eventually, the smell of food caught my nose and I followed the scents to an open air market, where people were buying and selling all sorts of wares—off the backs of wagons, in stalls, on carpets laid out on the ground.
I kept my eyes out and watched through the process of several transactions, but couldn't really place the currency beyond that it was in coinage—copper, silver, and gold from what I saw being passed around. Briefly, I considered just counterfeiting the money, but while I could make new coins identical to these, I could tell they would be missing some magical component I couldn't reproduce.
Nixing that idea, I instead looked around at the various stalls to see what was being sold and compare prices. A bit of market research later, after spending an hour or so listening to some haggling as people bought and sold goods, I had an idea.
Sticking my hand into my pocket, I conjured several lumps of gold. Making my way over to a stand that bought and sold metals and gems, I offered the gold nuggets and haggled on the price a bit, before coming out richer by thirty-two gold. Then, it was walk across the market and buy paper. Walk back across the market to sell the paper at a fifty percent profit for what I'd bought it for, leaving me with forty-eight gold. And so on, and so forth, for the next two hours as I played the market. I was over two hundred and fifty gold richer by the time I decided to call it a day before someone figured out what I was doing.
Feeling kind of hungry, and dead tired given that my internal clock told me it was about two in the morning while it actually looked to be about six or so in the afternoon here, I stopped at a food stand selling skewers I'd been smelling for the last few hours. "Let me get one of those," I pointed to one that looked like chicken covered in sauce, before fishing out a gold coin and sliding it across the stall's counter. "And can you tell me where I can find somewhere to get a room for the night?"
The older man running the stall grinned and pocketed the coin, before handing me a skewer. "New in town?"
"Yes, sir," I nodded.
"Well, the adventurer's guild rents out rooms to members. Take the north road out of the square here to get there. Otherwise, there's a nice inn on the west side of the square most folk passing through use."
I considered for a moment before nodding. "Thanks," I told him, walking away as I bit into my skewer. Heading north, I decided to check out the 'adventurer's guild' and see what that was about. Maybe they'll have maps and I can get a lay of the land. I don't like not knowing where I am.
With that in mind, I quickly finished off my snack and followed the road up to a two-story building with a steep red roof and a banner hung over the door—shaped like a blue shield bordered in red, with bird and what looked like the gold coins I'd been using, which I'd come to know were called 'eris.' A wall of sound and the smells of food washed over me as I stepped inside.
The interior was lit by what honestly looked like stone street lamps, sticking up from the floor and mounted on the sides of the support beams holding up the roof. The back part of the place was filled with tables and benches, almost all of which were occupied by people in various types of armor and with a multitude of weapons. Above their heads hung a skeleton belonging to some sort of horned critter. Banners of various designs hung from the ceilings and walls. Overall, it was honestly about what I'd expect for a fantasy 'adventurer's guild.'
A girl with short, messy red hair smiled and approached as I stood there taking it all in. "Welcome! Please take a seat and someone will be with you shortly if you want to eat. Otherwise, if you need guidance, you can head to the counter inside."
I made my way further in, spotting a bar where a man stood behind the counter, mixing drinks for a trio of patrons. Following the signs, I found a corner off to the side of the room with a group of four windows. I spotted a board covered in papers pinned to it. A closer look showed each one was for a job, assigned a rank, and listed out a potential payout.
So, real 'adventurer' stuff. Quests. Alright.
Also on the board was a map of the town, along with a map of the country. Reading it over, I hummed as I saw the name of the town. Axel. Why does that sound familiar?
"Looking for a job?" a woman's voice called, and I turned towards the windows, where a blonde woman was just sitting back down, returning from wherever she'd been.
I couldn't help it. The first thing I noticed was her massive titties, and the low cut blouse that showed off the top of them and her cleavage. Drawing my eyes away from her tits, I sent the woman a smile. She wore a uniform of some sort—off-white with navy blue at the collar and cuffs, a red bow tie, and a gold star on her right bicep—it looked similar to the one worn by the women out front serving dinner, but not identical. Blonde, gold eyes, and a pretty face—she was very easy on the eyes.
"Hi there. So, I'm new to town. Still getting my bearings." Walking up, I leaned against the counter. "I'm Michael."
"Luna," she introduced herself.
Also kinda familiar, I mused. Axel, Luna, even eris… I feel like I should know this, for some reason.
"We could always use more adventurers if you're looking for work. And if you become an adventurer, we rent rooms by the night here. We have a couple free, actually. The registration fee is two gold, if you're interested."
"Sure, why not?" I shrugged, pulling out a couple of gold coins from my pocket and handing them over.
"Excellent!" Luna tucked away the money in a drawer before getting up and walking into a back room. She came back a moment later with some sort of contraption that looked like a blue ball with gold filigree and clockwork mechanisms on a wooden stand. Essence of the Crafter told me its secrets, however. It was a magical scanner and laser printer, for printing off 'adventurer cards.' When she took out a card as well, I could tell it was made of enchanted paper and there was nothing really special about it.
Luna explained and I listened, before holding my hand over the scanner as instructed, that feeling of deja vu returning hard as the device began to print. Wait. I know this. It's um… fuck, what was the name of the series?
The card finished printing and Luna took it in hand. "Michael Stark? Let's see… above average stats, except for luck, which is just average, and intelligence, which is very high. You are qualified for any normal job, but I recommend taking the Arch Wizard or Spell Blade advanced job."
"What's the difference?"
"Arch Wizard is more focused on pure spell casting. Spell Blade is essentially a magical swordsman."
"But both can learn and cast the same spells?"
"If you can get someone to teach you the spells, or if you're around them when they cast them enough, then yes. The biggest difference is in the spells that will become available as you level. Arch Wizard's spells are more focused on ranged damage, while Spell Blade's spells are focused on defense and short-to-mid range magical attacks. You also get access to some skills only available to other melee classes. Physical and magical resistance, enemy detection, one-handed sword, fast movement, just to name a few."
"The trade-off being fewer ranged spells?" I asked, and she nodded.
So, glass cannon wizard, or decent wizard and decent swordsman. But you can get other people to teach you skills and spells, so there's really no reason not to go Spell Blade. Wait, hang on.
"You mentioned stats. What stats do Spell Blade and Arch Wizard run off of?"
"Both of them use Magic Power, which is based on your intelligence. For an Arch Wizard, Magic Power, Health, and some Agility to move about the battlefield quickly and evade ranged attacks—but their focus should be Magic Power. For a Spell Blade, you'll want somewhat less Magic Power and more Agility, and a good bit in Health."
"Agility increases your speed?"
"Speed, reaction time, reflexes, precision for aiming, and critical hit chance in conjunction with Luck."
I blinked. "Wait. If I hit something in the head, that's not a crit?"
Luna shook her head. "No, you'd be hitting its weak point if it has one, but a critical hit is when whatever hit you've made will do the maximum amount of damage possible. Hitting weak points does effectively the same damage as a critical hit, sometimes more, but if used in conjunction with a critical hit you can so many times the amount of damage you would otherwise."
"About how many points would a good rogue have in agility?"
"Over a hundred. Plus they would have agility-boosting spells. There are lots of those that rogue-types and cleric-types learn, but I'm not sure if Spell Blade picks them up."
Taking my card from her, I considered my stats and my choices. Crafter doesn't show up here. Which means… it exists outside of their silly game-like system, maybe. Or however it works. So, can I make equipment that boosts stats directly?
Short answer? Yes.
Longer answer: I'd need to make better gear out of better materials, then I'd need to put some fairly strong enchantments on them.
But then, I could conjure any materials I wanted from thin air, so that wasn't a problem. And I already had ideas in mind for stat-boosting gear.
But aside from leveling up to increase my personal power to make sure no one can screw with me, I'm not really interested in fighting a bunch of shit. I'm not here to save the world. Not my problem. I'd rather just… live. Enjoy myself. Make money. Have a nice place to live in. Have a lot of lovely ladies to have fun with.
With that in mind, I made my choice. Tapping the card, I selected Spell Blade as my class. Looking up at Luna, I asked, "So, about that room?"
The woman smiled and walked me through the process of renting a room for a week. I thanked her and made my way to the stairs, and from there up to the second floor. Finding my room, I locked up and got undressed, before flopping out onto the bed. Pulling the covers up over me, I passed out not long after.
The next morning, I got up, dressed, and took a few moments to make myself a secure zippered pouch (leather wrapped around a layer of chain mail, because screw cutpurses) for my money before I made my way downstairs for breakfast. It was apparently ridiculously early, probably something like five thirty, so aside from the staff members I was alone save for one other person. She sat at a table by herself, writing in what looked like a journal.
Making my way over, I smiled as I stopped across from her. "Hey. Mind if I join you?"
The girl looked up, pretty, bright red eyes framed by long, black hair pulled into a set of side tails and a braid crossing the top of her head. She blushed, bringing her fingers together nervously. "I, I don't mind," she answered quietly.
"Thanks." Sitting down across from her, I held out my hand and introduced myself. "Michael Stark."
"Ah!" she took my hand, her own soft in mine. "Yunyun, of the Crimson Demon clan."
My first response was to laugh and tell her to pull the other one. I held in that response, however. That feeling of deja vu finally broke as I put it together. "You… wouldn't happen to have a friend who likes explosions—"
Yunyun sighed, before bowing her head. "I apologize if Megumin caused you any trouble."
Oh my fuck. It's the KonoSuba world.
"No, no trouble," I shook my head. "I just happened to hear about someone using explosion magic as I was making my way here yesterday and since I picked up the Spell Blade class and can cast magic, I thought I might want to learn it."
"You're a Spell Blade? I'm an Arch Wizard!" the girl gushed with a happy smile. "What level are you?"
Before our conversation could continue, a waitress came over, carrying a pot of tea and a cup, along with a plate full of food she placed before Yunyun—it looked like pancakes, with a lot of cream on top. "Here you go! And what about you, sir?"
"You have some kind of breakfast steak?" I asked, and she nodded. "Biscuits too?" Another nod. "Alright, let me get that with a bit of brown gravy in a bowl on the side, please ma'am. And water would be fine to drink."
She left quickly and I turned my attention back to Yunyun. "Well, I just became an adventurer yesterday, so level one. I wanted to see if I could pick up some jobs and go out and do some leveling—"
Yunyun's eyes went wide. "You can't!" When I looked at her in confusion, she explained, "All of the small monsters around have been killed by adventurers doing exactly that! There are only larger, more powerful monsters left around. Giant toads are between level twelve and twenty on average! As a level one, you couldn't kill one without some advanced spells, and casting many of those spells with the mana required to kill one would leave you drained and vulnerable to the next monster that came along!"
"So, dead," I surmised, and she nodded. "Well. Crap."
Biting her lip, Yunyun looked thoughtful for a moment. Then, hesitantly, she suggested, "If you want, we could team up. I was going to go out and kill some giant frogs for the bounty. I wouldn't mind splitting the loot. I know some good advanced spells I can share that don't actually cost much mana but either do a lot of damage, or avoid damage entirely."
Sending her a smile, I asked, "You'd do that for me?"
Yunyun nodded once. "I, I like helping people. It's just, well… difficult to find a party."
"Why? I mean, from what you're telling me, you're strong and you've got common sense."
[Note - I'm just uploading the chapters here for me to use the audio feature . If you want to read ahead check the original on Fanfiction-net by Sinereal]
The girl blushed and looked away. "The Crimson Demon clan are kind of… infamous for our members. Also, I… get nervous. I worry that I'm going to say or do something to scare someone off."
"Well, you're offering to help me out. I'm not going to turn you away over something dumb. Thank you, Yunyun."
Her blush grew brighter, but the girl smiled. She turned back to me with an eager expression and her bright red eyes glowed. "Alright! Here's what we'll do…"
Very sexy. Oh, we're going to be good friends.