The first thing Chuuya had thought when he'd seen Dazai Osamu was this: holy shit. No one should be allowed to be that attractive. It should be a crime punishable by life in prison. Then Dazai had opened his mouth. Ah. There it is. The catch.
Dazai is a grade A asshole. Chuuya doesn't know why he's surprised. No one can look that good and have a good personality, too. But he can't help himself from taking it personally when Dazai blatantly ignores him in favor of pleading with their professor to get rid of Chuuya.
Their first appointment goes terribly, too. Chuuya hadn't meant to lose control, but suddenly he'd been on Dazai with his hands around his neck, and Dazai had smiled. It was weird. Weird as fuck. He'd laughed with blood pouring down his face, and insulted Chuuya like he wanted to be punched again. But after their second meeting, and the night at the club… things start to change, just a bit.
Chuuya leans over Dazai's shoulder, standing behind him as he works.
"You've almost got it," He explains. "You just keep getting confused here." He taps his finger against the worksheet.
Dazai huffs, frustrated, and puts his head in his hands.
"I don't get it." He says. "I just don't get what I'm doing wrong."
So Chuuya does his best to help. Dazai is bright. He's smart, he just gets easily distracted. Chuuya thinks if he really tries, Dazai will be able to get A's on all his homework. He just needs a little bit of help getting there first.
"I'm dumb." Dazai continues, dropping his pencil onto the cafe table. "That has to be it. I just don't get how I can keep getting the same thing wrong, when you keep explaining it to me."
Chuuya has wondered about that, too. The same thing seems to trip Dazai up no matter what Chuuya says to help. He frowns.
"You're not dumb." Chuuya says. "Let's try to look at it a different way."
That actually gets results. With his new explanation, Dazai's face brightens significantly.
"I think I've got it!" He exclaims, and scribbles something down. "Is that it?"
Wow. That was fast. Chuuya frowns again. Really fast. For someone who was just struggling to even get started, Dazai has figured it out pretty quickly.
"What?" Dazai asks hesitantly. "Did I get it wrong again?"
All of Chuuya's doubts go right out the window. Dazai still doesn't believe in himself.
"No," Chuuya reassures him. "You did really well. That was fast, too. I think you're catching on just fine."
Dazai turns his head to look at Chuuya and beams. Chuuya's mouth goes dry. It's really pretty. Then the smile falters. Dazai chews at his lip for a moment, like he's hesitating to speak.
"I used to be smarter." He admits. He sounds a little ashamed. "I don't really know what happened. I did well in high school, but when I got here, I just…"
He trails off and doesn't continue.
"The material here is harder." Chuuya offers. "It makes sense that you might get confused. The tactics you used before might not be accurate enough anymore, but that doesn't make you stupid."
Dazai smiles softly, and Chuuya's heart pounds. He momentarily forgets what a menace Dazai truly is.
"You think so?" Dazai asks.
"Yeah." Chuuya agrees. "Hey, Dazai… You don't really seem like you know how to study efficiently. How did you do it before?"
Dazai looks hesitant again.
"I didn't really have to." He admits. "I just kind of knew everything. I don't know what changed, it's just… it's not like that anymore."
That actually makes a lot of sense. Dazai struggles with getting down to business, because he's embarrassed that he doesn't know how to.
"That's okay." Chuuya says. "There's always time to learn. That's what I'm here for, remember?"
Dazai grins sneakily and Chuuya is filled with dread.
"Such a big brain for someone so small," Dazai coos, and Chuuya flushes with anger. What a backhanded compliment.
"I'm a perfectly good size for someone my age!" He protests. "You're just ridiculously tall!"
Dazai rests his head on his hand and smiles cheekily.
"That sounds like something someone fun-sized would say, don't you think?"
"Shut up or I'll punch you," Chuuya threatens, but Dazai grins wider.
"You want to get us banned from this cafe, too?" He challenges. "Soon there won't be anywhere on campus that we're allowed to study."
"If it comes to that, I can just come over to your dorm." Chuuya says, rolling his eyes. Dazai looks positively delighted at that.
"Really?" He asks, breathlessly. Then he pauses, frowning. "No, that can't happen. I might get distracted."
"By what?" Chuuya hopes he doesn't sound as bewildered as he feels.
"What else?" Dazai asks, cracking another sly smirk. "Chuuya in my bed, of course!"
Chuuya can feel himself turning beet red. Worse, he knows Dazai sees it, because he starts laughing.
"That's not funny!" Chuuya hisses, kicking Dazai's leg under the table. "We'd just sit on the floor, or something."
Dazai pouts at him.
"You keep kicking me," He whines. "Anyone who sees me undressed is going to think I've been assaulted. I'm always so bruised after I've been around you."
Chuuya's face burns. Dazai, undressed. That's a mental image that he crumples up and tosses into a metaphorical wastebasket.
"I don't even kick you that hard." He protests, but there's a bit of worry at the back of his mind. "Do you really bruise that easily?"
Dazai shrugs.
"Yeah," He says, simply. "I always have. It's pretty cool, because I can lie and say I've done something badass when I've really just bumped into my dorm's bathroom sink."
Chuuya frowns.
"Have you ever tried to get that checked out?" He asks. "It could be anemia, or something."
Dazai just hums.
"Have you ever heard of postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome?" He asks. Chuuya blinks, stunned.
"Postural orthostatic… what?" He asks.
Dazai's face scrunches up, like he's trying to think of what to say.
"It's hard to explain." Dazai says, eventually. Chuuya snorts. "Basically, I have really low blood pressure. My iron levels and blood cell count are fine, so it's not a deficiency or anemia. I get dizzy pretty easily, too. If I get up too fast, I could pass out."
Chuuya's mouth falls open in shock.
"That sounds terrible," He says. "Is there any way to treat it?"
Dazai shrugs again.
"It's chronic, so not really. The most I can do is hydrate and consume sodium, and hope for the best." He explains. Chuuya stares at him, thinking.
"I guess you'd better stop pissing me off, then." Chuuya warns. "Otherwise your entire body will become one massive bruise."
"You're violent." Dazai grins. "I like that in a man."
Chuuya wants to punch him again, so he does. Dazai winces, muttering a small ow, but soon he's smiling again. It's a little bit odd, the way his smile doesn't reach his eyes. They're dark and empty. Part of Chuuya wants to know why.
Losing his parents must have been hard. Especially if he became suicidal afterwards. But surely that couldn't be the reason, right? Does someone lose their humanity when their parents die? Maybe. Chuuya wouldn't know. The smile Dazai is giving him is sweet, but it isn't genuine.
Chuuya is reminded of that night in the bar, how Dazai had smiled and dismissed Shirase's condolences, how he'd grinned despite Yuan's cutting words. Like they couldn't hurt him. Like nothing could hurt him anymore. But Chuuya doesn't think that's true at all. The way Dazai had seemed so small in that alleyway, how his body had given up on him after their talk.
Dazai's smile fades.
"Hey," He says, his voice blank. "You don't pity me, right, Chuuya? I'm not the kind of person to be pitied."
Chuuya feels offense wash over him like a wave. His eyes narrow as he glares at Dazai.
"Of course I don't fucking pity you," Chuuya scoffs. "I hate your guts. But that doesn't mean I can't worry about your health."
Dazai relaxes slightly, looking reassured, but there's still a tension in his shoulders, one that always seems to be there. He's wearing that black coat again, but not over his arms. It hangs off of his shoulders, something he dons like a second skin, like it might protect him. He deserves to be protected, Chuuya thinks fiercely. He doesn't think it's ever happened before.
"Don't worry about me," Dazai says, shrugging. "It's a waste of time."
"You're not a waste of time!" Chuuya snaps, hearing something else, another meaning hidden under Dazai's words. Dazai blinks at him, surprised.
"I didn't say that." He tries, but Chuuya, despite knowing him for only a measly two weeks, knows better.
"You implied it."
Dazai looks like he doesn't know where to go from that, so Chuuya takes the lead.
"Whatever." Chuuya says. "Would I hurt you so much if I pitied you?"
Dazai grins.
"So you admit it! You admit you're hurting me!"
That gets a few odd stares from other customers in the cafe, so Chuuya hushes Dazai, his face heating.
"You deserve it!" He hisses. "You're miserable to be around, you know? Would it kill you to lay off the insults?"
"If it would, I'd have done it already." That throws Chuuya for a loop, but Dazai doesn't look sad about it. He's still smirking. Chuuya isn't about to bring the mood down, so he leans across the table and pokes Dazai in the chest. Dazai makes a small sound of surprise, blinking at him.
"You," Chuuya whispers venomously. "Are an absolute menace to society."
Dazai's eyes fucking sparkle. Damn. Chuuya shakes himself out of whatever funk he's just entered. It's the first time, other than their first session, that he's seen anything other than emptiness in those eyes.
"You think so? Really?" Dazai demands, eager. "I can't believe it. I've succeeded in my one true goal in life. Me, a menace to society? It's a dream come true!"
"More like a nightmare." Chuuya mumbles. "Hey, looks like you finished the worksheet. Ready to head back to your dorm?"
Dazai's enthusiasm fades for a moment, his smile faltering. Then it's back, but it's so obviously forced that it makes Chuuya a bit sad.
"Are you offering to come home with me, Chuuyaaa?" Dazai asks, grinning slyly. Chuuya flushes red, and anger boils up inside him again. Dazai is really, truly bad for his health.
"In your dreams!" Chuuya snaps. "You sleazebag! You can go home by yourself, I just wanted to know if you wanted to leave already!"
Dazai's face screws up into an expression that Chuuya can't quite understand, or begin to explain, like he's trying to pick what emotion he shows. It settles into one of wonder.
"Why?" He asks. "You can just go, if you want. You don't have to stick around just for me."
It hurts that Dazai has probably never had someone do that.
"Yeah, well…" Chuuya grumbles. "I still hate you, and all, but I'm a decent human being. Unlike some people." He adds. He hopes Dazai doesn't take that the wrong way. But Dazai doesn't show any sign of hurt or offense, so he figures it must be fine.
"Hey!" Dazai cries indignantly. "I can be decent!"
"I'd like to see you try," Chuuya says, his tone dry. "You're the most indecent person I've ever met. You make dirty jokes in public."
Dazai looks thoughtful for a moment.
"That's not nearly the most indecent thing I've done in public." He says, and Chuuya's mind runs wild. He's quick to shut it down, but he can feel his entire face go red, and worst of all, Dazai is laughing at him. "What?" Dazai giggles. "Is it so hard to believe I get around?"
"In public?" Chuuya asks, scandalized. Dazai shrugs.
"Some people are into that kind of thing." He says. Chuuya forces himself to swallow. He's thinking thoughts that he absolutely shouldn't be, because he hates Dazai with every inch of his being, regardless of how hot he is.
"Are you one of them?" Chuuya blurts, and Dazai looks so smug that he instantly wishes he could take it back. Dazai lifts a hand to look at his nails, finely trimmed.
"Wouldn't you like to know, Chuuya?"
"No," Chuuya says, hurriedly. "No, I wouldn't like to know. Forget I ever asked. I don't ever want to know what you do in or out of bed."
Dazai pouts at him. His hand drops down below the table. When Chuuya thinks it's safe, he takes a peek, curious. Dazai is whining about how he's no fun, his face showing no sign of any pain at all. But below the table, his fingers are pinching his thigh so tightly that if his fingernails were longer, he might have drawn blood, even through the fabric of his slacks. Chuuya feels a bit faint.
"Chuuya?" Dazai asks, and Chuuya quickly looks up at his face. It's doing that thing again, flickering between emotions rapidly, like Dazai doesn't know which mask to put on.
"When you say you don't feel things," Chuuya says, quietly. "What do you mean?"
Dazai stiffens for a moment before all the tension releases from his body. It's as if he'd never reacted at all. His face is settled into a blank, indifferent expression.
"I mean it." Dazai tells him. He rests his chin on folded hands. "I don't feel things. That's all. Why do you ask, so suddenly?"
"Your face." Chuuya says. Dazai looks confused. "Sometimes it does this thing, where it looks like you're trying to pick something to feel. How often do you just lie about it?"
Dazai seems stunned.
"I didn't know about that." He says. "I have to lie, though. It would be awkward if I just went around life acting like a robot, right?"
"But you do feel things." Chuuya insists. "I've seen it. I can tell."
Dazai doesn't say anything, so he continues.
"Your laugh." He says. "When you're really happy, I've heard it. It's like you're surprised that you can even be happy. Which means you must be sad, most of the time."
Dazai gives him a thoughtful look.
"No offense, Chuuya," He says, sounding… bored. "But you have no fucking clue what you're talking about."
It stings, but the hurt doesn't hit right away. Instead, he's just stunned. It's the first time he's ever heard Dazai curse, and it sounds nice, with the timbre of his voice. But then it hits, and when it does, Chuuya's eyes start to sting at the corners. He tells himself that it's not that bad, but his face must do something, because Dazai's eyes suddenly widen.
"Fine." Chuuya snaps, abruptly standing from his seat and grabbing his books. "I'm leaving. I guess I shouldn't have expected anything from you."
"Chuuya–" Dazai starts, looking a little bit panicked, but Chuuya doesn't care. He needs space. He walks away, and Dazai doesn't follow him.
The walk back to his dorm takes a while, because Chuuya walks in circles around a fountain for a while just trying to clear his head. He doesn't actually end up crying. He'd just been embarrassed. He'd put aside his dislike of Dazai to try to really talk to him, and he'd gotten shut down immediately.
In the end, he actually feels a little bit bad for storming out and leaving Dazai there alone. He remembers what Dazai had said that night outside the bar, that he didn't have many friends. It makes sense, though, unfortunately. Because it seems like Dazai can't trust anyone enough to open up. With Ranpo and Yosano it had been forced circumstances; they'd learned something vulnerable about Dazai against his will, without him being able to choose.
Chuuya supposes it's a bit foolish to wish Dazai would open up to him right off the bat. Besides, he doesn't even want to be Dazai's friend. Dazai is a dick. Chuuya is only sticking around to help him pass his final, so Dazai will keep his promise and fuck right off. It's with that thought that he finally is able to settle down and go back to his dorm. He texts his mom on the way, just to see how she's holding up. She sends him a thumbs up emoticon. Good. That's a relief. He won't have to go back home anytime soon. He can focus on his major and put all that behind him.
Shirase is at the dorm, and so is Yuan. Shirase takes one look at Chuuya and sets down the sandwich he'd been about to bite into.
"What's up?" He asks. Chuuya shakes his head.
"It's nothing." At Shirase's unimpressed expression, he continues. "Really, it's not a big deal. I got into a small argument with Dazai, and it got a little bit out of hand. It was probably just a misunderstanding, but I stormed out without letting him explain himself, so now I feel bad."
Yuan looks irritated at the subject of Dazai in general, and Chuuya gives her a disappointed glare.
"I don't like him." She pouts. "You don't, either! So why do you care so much?"
"Because," Chuuya tries, and then really thinks about it. "I don't think he's ever had a real friend. Ever."
"So, what?" Shirase asks, raising an eyebrow. "You're gonna be that friend? I thought you hated him."
Chuuya flushes, stammering for a moment before he can finally get ahold of himself.
"I do." He says. "He's an asshole. But… I feel bad." Then he turns to Yuan. "And you should, too. You still haven't apologized for what you said to him."
Yuan has the grace to look a little bit guilty.
"I was having a bad night." She says. "I didn't mean to take it out on him, it just… happened."
"Tell him that, not me." Chuuya sighs. His phone buzzes in his pocket and he pulls it out, a bit exasperated.
mackerel
hey
i just wanted to apologize
i didn't mean to hurt
your feelings or
anything
but i'm sorry that i did
Oh. Chuuya's heart flutters a bit in relief, and he sighs again, holding his phone to his chest with one hand. Shirase raises his eyebrows again.
"Who's that?" Yuan asks, sounding like she knows exactly who it is.
"Dazai." Chuuya explains, typing out a message. "He apologized."
"So he can do something right." Yuan mutters, and flushes a little bit in shame when Chuuya glares at her.
me
it's fine
you weren't trying to be
mean.
i'm sorry for storming
out on you, too
mackerel
chuuya~!
it's okay.
i definitely deserved it
Chuuya can't help but frown at his phone, and his friends notice.
"Is he being a dick again already?" Shirase asks.
"No," Chuuya says. "He's… He's being really nice. But I'm worried about him."
"Chuuya, have you ever considered that you might not hate him as much as you think you do?"
Chuuya screws his face up in disgust.
"I definitely hate him," He declares. "There's no way I could feel anything but hate towards that guy."
Shirase hums, and Yuan frowns again.
"I don't trust him," She says. "I don't like him, either. He has to have something up his sleeve."
"Regardless of how you feel about him, you should apologize." Chuuya tells her. "It was wrong of you to say those things, and you know it."
Yuan looks ashamed for a moment.
"Yeah…" She looks up at Chuuya from her seat with guilty eyes. "But I don't know how I could get in contact with him."
"I can give you his number," Chuuya offers. "But Yuan?" Yuan looks at him curiously. "If you don't end up apologizing, we're going to have a problem."
Yuan's face twists into an expression that Chuuya can't understand.
"Okay." She agrees. Chuuya sighs in relief.
He goes to meet Dazai at the cafe the next week, but he doesn't find him there. Instead, someone else is waiting. Chuuya blinks, surprised.
"Yuan?" He asks. "What are you doing here?"
Yuan looks surprised, too. They haven't spoken, since she'd never ended up apologizing to Dazai in that time.
"I could ask you the same thing." She says. "I'm supposed to meet Dazai here."
"Me too." Chuuya admits, frowning. Something must be up.
"Well, if it isn't my two favorite people!" A voice exclaims, and Chuuya jolts, startled. Yuan frowns. Dazai appears behind Yuan, poking her in the shoulder. "Go on," He says. "Kiss and make up, or something."
His smile twitches a little bit as he says those words. Chuuya flushes, and he knows Yuan looks exactly the same.
"You set this up!" Chuuya accuses. "You told me to meet you here, but you were just manipulating me to get me to make up with Yuan!"
Dazai shrugs, grinning cheekily with his tongue between his teeth. That smile looks good on him, even if it pisses Chuuya off.
"Guilty as charged." He admits, with no remorse. "You guys are good friends, right? So you should make up. It's stupid to fight about something like this."
"How did you even know we weren't talking?" Chuuya asks, frowning. "I didn't say anything about it."
Dazai shrugs again.
"I have my ways." He says, absent-mindedly. "So make up with each other. I'm waiting."
"Yuan has something to say, first." Chuuya turns to Yuan, glaring, and she shrinks a bit under his gaze. Then she looks at Dazai.
"I'm sorry." She says, sounding honest. "I was having a bad night, and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have."
Dazai looks confused.
"You didn't do anything wrong." He says, like he really believes it. Chuuya is a bit taken aback. Dazai looks between them, frowning. "Is that what you were fighting about? I thought it was because you didn't want Chuuya to be around me. That's what you texted me, anyways."
Chuuya jerks, his glare turning harsher.
"You said what?" He grits out.
"I already apologized!" Yuan protests.
Dazai tilts his head, watching them carefully.
"It's alright." He tells Yuan. "You're forgiven. But Chuuya has to stick around until I pass my final. He promised."
Yuan sighs, looking a bit regretful.
"I really am sorry." She says. "It was a horrible thing for me to say."
Dazai leans back on the heels of his shoes.
"No worries." He pinches viciously at the back of his hand. Chuuya slaps him to get him to stop, and Dazai glances at him, surprised. There are indents where his nails had dug into his skin. "It was all true anyways. And it's in the past," He adds, before Chuuya can object to that statement. "So let's just move forward already."
"We have to study," Chuuya says, apologetically. "Let's talk later, okay, Yuan?"
She nods emphatically, looking very relieved. When she steps out the cafe door, Chuuya turns to Dazai.
"You didn't have to do that." He sighs. "We would have figured something out."
"But it would have taken a while." Dazai points out, and he's not wrong. Chuuya looks at him suspiciously.
"How would you know?" He asks. Then, "You're not stalking me, are you?"
Dazai snorts, and his hair falls into his eyes.
"I already told you you have a big brain," He says. "Don't make me take it back. I'm just good at reading people."
Chuuya hums thoughtfully.
"Maybe if you try hard enough, you can understand math the same way." He teases. Dazai gasps, offended.
"What's with you and calling me dumb?" He asks, smiling. "I can be smart, I promise!"
"Then show me." Chuuya says. They sit down at a table and Dazai opens his textbook.
"Fine." He says, biting his lip. "I'll show you."
It takes a little while for him to get through the problems, but he eventually finishes the entire worksheet, handing it off to Chuuya with baited breath.
"How did I do?" He asks, hesitantly. When he releases his lip from between his teeth, it's bleeding. Chuuya frowns, and Dazai deflates in his seat. "I really tried." He says, looking sullen. Chuuya shakes his head.
"Not that." He says. "You did really well. Perfect, even. I just…"
Dazai's face brightens, and then dims again.
"But what?" He asks.
"You…" Chuuya starts. Last time they'd had a conversation like this, it hadn't ended well. "Do you even notice how much you unconsciously hurt yourself?"
Dazai frowns, looking like he's deep in thought. He reaches up to touch his lip, and winces.
"I guess not." Dazai says. He sticks his finger in his mouth to get rid of whatever small amount of blood there is on it. Chuuya wrinkles his nose at the sight. "I don't really feel it, if I'm being honest."
"I thought you didn't like pain?" Chuuya asks. Dazai sucks on his finger and then wipes it on his pants to dry it.
"I don't." He says. "When I can feel it. You stopped me from pinching myself earlier, right? I do that when I'm nervous. It doesn't really hurt me, it just helps ground me."
Oh.
"You almost drew blood, though." Chuuya accuses. "There were marks on your hand."
Dazai blinks at him, seemingly surprised.
"Really?" He asks. "I didn't notice." Then he leans across the table to look at his worksheet. "Did I get anything wrong, by the way?"
Chuuya knows he's trying to change the subject, but he's not about to fight it. He doesn't want to make Dazai uncomfortable.
"Just one." Chuuya says, pointing it out. Dazai frowns a little, but his smiling mask is back before Chuuya can blink, grinning sheepishly.
"I think I know where I went wrong with that one." Dazai admits. "I got confused at the end. What does this mean, again?"
Chuuya has explained it before, but it really seems like Dazai just can't retain things unless they're explained a certain way, so Chuuya tries again. Dazai nods when he's finished, looking focused, his tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth, his brow wrinkled. It's cute, Chuuya thinks, before his face heats, mortified. Cute or not, he still hates Dazai's guts.
"See? You got it." He croaks out, when Dazai finishes redoing the problem. Dazai's face lights up at the praise.
"Really?" He asks, breathlessly. Chuuya nods, his throat still dry. Dazai reaches forward and Chuuya's heart pounds. What is he about to do? Then Dazai pokes him in the eye.
"Ow!" Chuuya shouts, clutching his face in his hand. "What was that for, you asshole? I was being nice!"
When he opens his eyes again, squinting, he's surprised to see how stricken Dazai's expression is. Then his eyes flicker, and he grins again.
"I couldn't help it!" Dazai croons. "You looked so vulnerable. I had to pay you back for all the times you've hurt me!"
Something about that doesn't sit right. Dazai's face when he'd done it hadn't exactly screamed "I did that on purpose."
"Are you lying?" Chuuya asks, suspiciously. Dazai sticks his tongue out and rests his head on folded hands.
"Whatever makes you say that?" He asks, still smiling. Yeah, okay. Chuuya can see it. Dazai really is just a dick after all, so Chuuya shouldn't be so surprised by this turn of events.
"You're just trying to piss me off again, aren't you?" He accuses. "After I just helped you, too!"
"I never said I was a good person." Dazai teases, shrugging. It hits close to home, though, because Chuuya knows he doesn't think of himself as a person at all. "Hey, someone I know is throwing a party tonight. You wanna come?"
The question throws Chuuya off.
"You're inviting me to a party after you just purposefully hurt me?" He asks, bewildered. Dazai nods sagely. "What makes you think I would ever say yes?"
Dazai shrugs.
"You probably won't." He says. "I just thought it was worth a try."
I don't trust him, Yuan had said. Chuuya doesn't, either. Not really. He's met with Dazai a total of four times, so it's hardly been long enough for trust to form at all. Also, there's the fact that Dazai is an asshole on purpose, just to rile Chuuya up. Because he thinks it's funny. But something in Chuuya jumps at the chance to get to know Dazai more. He's curious. Dazai is hard to get a read on, and they'll be working together for a while. Why not try to get to know him better?
"Okay." Chuuya agrees, and takes pleasure in the way Dazai's eyes go wide for a split second before he schools his face into an easy-going grin.
"You can't get enough of me, can you?" He snarks, and Chuuya kicks him under the table again. Dazai shuffles his legs out of reach. "Chuuya likes me!"
Chuuya's face heats and he tries harder to kick Dazai, slipping down in his chair to reach him. Dazai catches it and bursts into laughter.
"You–" He gasps. "You can't even reach, your legs are too short!"
Chuuya grits his teeth and kicks so hard it rattles the table, and gets attention from a few customers, if Dazai's raucous laughter hadn't already done the job. It's nice, though, to see Dazai laugh. It's like he can't stop.
"Help," He wheezes, his eyes squeezing shut. "It hurts. I'm gonna be sick. I can't stop laughing."
"It's not that funny." Chuuya grumbles. Dazai lets out a few more giggles and then holds his breath to try and stop. That's all fine and dandy, he looks cute with his cheeks puffed out like that, but eventually he holds it for so long that his face starts turning purple. Chuuya kicks him again. "Hey, idiot! Fucking breathe or you'll pass out!"
The kick must get some sense into Dazai, or maybe it just hurts, because he releases his breath to mutter a string of "ow"s, clutching at his leg under the table.
"What's wrong with you?" Chuuya asks, his heart pounding. "You could have seriously hurt yourself!"
Dazai pouts at him.
"But if I passed out, Chuuya would have caught me." He says, and Chuuya turns red. "I know it! You're my white knight, Chuuya, save me!"
With that, he jumps up from the table, a bright grin on his face. He stands there for a moment, Chuuya watching carefully, and then his eyes go out of focus. Dazai falls flat on his back, knocking over the chair.
Chuuya is on his feet in an instant, eyes wide. He rushes to Dazai's side and shakes him gently, then harder. What the fuck.
"Ow," Dazai whines. "I really thought Chuuya would catch me if I fell."
"What the fuck was that?" Chuuya blurts, a bit frantic. Dazai's eyes pop open and he gives Chuuya a cheeky grin.
"Neat party trick right?" He asks. "All I have to do is stand up or stretch and I lose my vision in both eyes. Just like that!"
"Both?" Chuuya asks, confused. Something flickers across Dazai's face, but it's gone in an instant.
"Yeah! I go fully blind for up to thirty seconds!" He exclaims. "I have twenty-twenty vision otherwise." Chuuya nods, a bit dumbstruck, helping Dazai to his feet. "I can also control my heartbeat." Dazai gushes, as he stands. "Wanna see?"
"Sure," Chuuya says faintly. He feels a bit dizzy in the midst of it all, lifting the chair back up into its previous position. He turns to face Dazai, and then–
Then Dazai is grabbing Chuuya's hand in his, and shoving it down the front of his shirt. Chuuya sputters and fights to pull back, but Dazai is unyielding. He holds Chuuya's hand against the warm skin of his chest, under his button-up shirt.
"Slow or fast?" Dazai asks.
Fast, Chuuya thinks, because that's exactly how his heartbeat is. But Dazai's is steady under his fingertips.
"Fast?" It comes out as more of a question than Chuuya had intended it to. Just a couple seconds later, Dazai's heartbeat speeds up rapidly. "That's not normal." Chuuya says.
Dazai laughs breathlessly and lets go of Chuuya's hand, but it takes a while for Chuuya's brain to wrap around the fact that he's free, so his hand just sits there, against Dazai's chest, for several more seconds before he realizes. When he does, he startles, yanking his hand out of Dazai's shirt. He looks up, and Dazai is looking at him.
There's a soft smile playing on his lips, and Chuuya can't help but stare, his mouth going dry. It looks good on him. Really good.
"What are you smiling at?" Chuuya snaps, breaking out of the fuzzy space he's found himself in. Screw Dazai and his pretty fucking face. Dazai smiles wider.
"Hey Chuuya," He hums. "If I ever pass out around you, you'll wake me up with a kiss, right? It's the only proper way to wake up Snow White."
Chuuya goes bright red. Dazai is laughing at him.
"Can it, will you?!" He shouts, picking up their books and tugging Dazai out of the cafe. "When is this supposed party, anyways?"
Dazai giggles for a little bit longer before he sobers up, brushing his clothes off and tugging his coat tighter around his body.
"8:30." He says. "It's 5:00 now, so you have three hours to get ready."
Something about his expression is hopeful. He's biting his lip again. He looks… He looks like he really wants Chuuya to be there.
"Got it." Chuuya agrees. Dazai smiles again.
"Text me." He murmurs. "I'll come pick you up, okay?"
Chuuya's heart pounds rapidly in his chest. He doesn't understand any of it.
"Okay," He says, but Dazai has already walked away. Chuuya watches him go. At first his gait is carefree, easygoing. After less than a minute of walking, Dazai slouches in on himself, his pace slowing. It's astonishing, Chuuya thinks, and it's difficult to determine just how much of Dazai's personality is an act.
"You're wearing that?" Dazai asks him, sounding stunned, and all of Chuuya's previous sympathy for him goes right out the window.
"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?!" Chuuya snaps. Dazai's mouth opens and closes without him saying any words.
"Tacky," He chokes out, and Chuuya punches him in the stomach. Dazai wheezes, curling in on himself. "This is abuse," He groans. "Chuuya is abusing me."
"That's what you get for insulting my clothes!"
On the topic of clothes, though, Dazai cleans up nice. He's stylish. Chuuya had seen it at their second session, sure, but since then all he's seen are the usual suits that Dazai wears to his business classes.
"What are you wearing?" Chuuya asks, turning the question around. Dazai looks good. Chuuya's tongue feels heavy like lead. Under his usual black coat, he's wearing a long-sleeved black shirt with a red collar, and English lettering on the front. The sleeves are also red, peeking out from under the arms of the coat. There's a chain hanging from the belt loop of his pants, and rings on nearly all of Dazai's fingers. On his feet are a pair of black Doc Martens.
"Oh." Dazai says, startled. He looks down at himself momentarily. "Ranpo helped me pick it out. What do you think?"
Chuuya doesn't think at all. His brain is empty. Rings. On Dazai's fingers. His hands are nice.
"It's–" Chuuya tries. "It's okay, I guess. It's better than what you went clubbing in."
Dazai sticks his tongue out at him. Chuuya frowns. He doesn't think the clothes he'd picked are tacky. They're hot. A black mesh shirt and leather pants? Hot as fuck! He's even got his piercings in!
"I didn't know you had your ears pierced." Dazai says, sounding breathless. So he'd noticed. It's Chuuya's turn to grin. "Did– I hear that cartilage piercings hurt. Did it?"
"A little." Chuuya admits. "But it's not so bad. Why? Do you want to get your ears pierced?"
Dazai gives a hard shake of his head. Aw. That could have been fun.
"I don't like pain, remember?" Dazai says, but he's pinching himself again, this time on his arm. "Stuff like that, like needles– makes it harder to ignore."
Chuuya slaps his hand away from his arm and Dazai winces, dropping it to his side.
"Why are you nervous?" Chuuya asks. At Dazai's questioning glance, he continues. "You told me you pinch yourself to calm down."
Dazai frowns regretfully, like he wishes he hadn't said that.
"I haven't been to a party since…" He trails off. Chuuya can only guess what he means. The attempt, then. "There's a lot of people I haven't seen for a while. I don't really know what to say if they ask questions."
Oh.
"You'll be fine," Chuuya says, patting himself down to make sure he has his phone on him. There it is, in his pocket. "If anyone gets too nosy, I'll just punch them."
Dazai gives him a breathtaking smile, his eyes shining. Chuuya, for a few seconds, forgets how to even breathe.
"We'll get kicked out if you do that." Dazai says, still grinning. "But I was right, wasn't I? Chuuya really is my Prince Charming!"
Chuuya huffs angrily.
"Shut up." He retorts. "Let's go, already."
Dazai grabs his hand and sets off with a spring in his step, tugging Chuuya along behind him. Chuuya hopes he's not as red as he feels. It's hard not to show how flustered he is when Dazai keeps holding his hand everywhere they fucking go.
"Come on, Chuuya!" Dazai chimes. "You really are slow like a slug, you know."
"Hey!" Chuuya says, indignant, but tries his best to match Dazai's pace anyways. "It's not my fault your legs are freakishly long!"
"Whatever you say, slug!"
"At least I don't look like a fish!" Chuuya snaps, and Dazai looks down at him curiously, without pausing his steps.
"What do you mean by that, anyways?" He asks. "How do I look like a fish? I'm handsome!"
He is handsome, but Chuuya isn't about to tell him that.
"Your eyes." Chuuya says, and Dazai looks even more confused. "Most of the time, they just look empty. You know. Like a dead fish."
Dazai frowns at him.
"Rude." He says. "I think my eyes look great. I've been told my eyelashes are the stuff of dreams."
Chuuya rolls his eyes.
"Whatever, don't take it to heart or anything."
Dazai sniffs.
"I won't!" He crows. "Hey, Chuuya, we're here."
Everything about Dazai's posture changes when they reach the venue. It's a frat house, which is unsurprising, but all of Dazai's previous cheer becomes restrained. He dons a calm, cool expression, but doesn't let go of Chuuya's hand as he leads him inside. Chuuya feels a bit bad, because his palms are definitely sweating right now, making them clammy.
"Dazai!" A voice calls. A boy, seemingly their age, with long, platinum white hair tied into a braid saunters over to them.
"Nikolai." Dazai says, stiffly. Nikolai sniffs at him.
"Why so cold, Dazai?" He asks. "And after I've invited you to my party! The Decay of Angels fraternity welcomes you and your big brain. And your boyfriend, too."
Chuuya's face heats and he yanks his hand away from Dazai's. He's about to protest, but Dazai speaks before he can manage.
"Chuuya isn't my boyfriend." He says, his voice blank and unreadable. "He's my tutor."
Chuuya wishes he could get a glimpse into Dazai's brain and understand what he's thinking, what he's feeling. It's all so unclear. Nikolai's eyebrows shoot up.
"Ah!" He exclaims. "The tutor! Fyodor told me everything!"
Chuuya watches Dazai grow even more tense.
"Watch your mouth," Dazai warns. His tone is dark, and it makes Chuuya shiver. Nikolai holds his hands up in surrender.
"Of course, of course." He says, tilting his head. His mouth stretches into a wide grin. "I wouldn't want to ruin the fun. Come on then, your buddies are waiting for you inside."
Dazai turns to Chuuya, and his cold expression softens just a bit.
"Come on, Chuuya." He says, quietly. "Let's go."
He doesn't reach for Chuuya's hand again, just strolls inside with all the confidence of a genuine frat boy. Chuuya follows, watching him curiously. It seems there are sides to Dazai that Chuuya has yet to see or understand.
"Dazai!" A few girls flounce over to them as soon as they're inside, crowding around Dazai like little chicks. One of them giggles, grabbing Dazai's hand. "We haven't seen you in so long! Where have you been?"
Dazai gives them all a charming smile and lifts the girl's hand to his lips, giving it a kiss. "Elsewhere." He says.
She turns bright red. Chuuya has to fight not to gag, instead making a choked noise. The girls turn to him, and the one closest to Dazai frowns.
"Who's this?" She asks.
"Oh," Dazai says, grinning. "This is Chuuya. Isn't he just handsome?"
Chuuya elbows him, his face heating. One of the girls nods shyly, but the one closest to Dazai glares at him a little.
"I've never seen him around here before," She says. "Is he in business, too?"
Dazai frowns for a moment.
"I don't actually know." He turns to Chuuya. "Hey, Chuuya, what's your major?"
Chuuya flounders, feeling very put on the spot.
"Fashion design." He manages, eventually. "I want to create a line of clothes that breaks gender roles in a subtle way."
Dazai stares at him in awe and lets go of the girl's hand, grabbing Chuuya by his shoulders and leaning down so their faces are close together.
"Really?" He asks. "Can I be Chuuya's model? Pretty please?"
Chuuya pulls away, flustered.
"I thought you said my taste in clothes was tacky!" He protests. "Why would you want to model for me?"
"Oh, it is." Dazai deadpans, and Chuuya punches him in the shoulder, causing Dazai to stumble backwards. He catches himself before he falls.
"You–!" Chuuya seethes, but Dazai interrupts him.
"Consider it something I owe you." Dazai says, nonchalantly. "I'm repaying my debt."
Chuuya blinks at him, bewildered. The girl from before steps between them.
"You don't owe anyone anything, Dazai," She sounds almost petulant. "Even if that's what he's convinced you."
"Ah, Sasaki," Dazai says, waving a hand dismissively. "Chuuya would never blackmail me into helping him. I want to do it. Besides," He leans in closely, next to her ear. It's only because of how close Chuuya already is to her that he manages to hear what Dazai says next. "Jealousy isn't a good look on you."
Jealousy? Chuuya does a doubletake. Sure, he'd noticed that something was off with her, but jealousy? He supposes he can see it based on her behavior, but what could she possibly be jealous of?
Sasaki flinches back.
"Dazai," She says, her voice wobbling. "How could you say something so cruel?"
She lets out the most fake-sounding sob Chuuya has ever heard in his life and runs off into the crowd of partygoers before them.
"Sasaki, wait!" The other two girls chime, and chase after her. Chuuya blinks up at Dazai, surprised. Dazai gives him a blinding smile, crossing his arms and leaning to the side.
"What was that about?" Chuuya asks, a bit frustrated. "What did you mean by jealousy? If she wanted to model my clothes I wouldn't have minded. You didn't have to scare her off."
Dazai stares at him for a moment in silence before he bursts out laughing.
"Model your clothes?" He asks, between giggles. "She wasn't jealous of me, Chuuya. She was jealous of you." At Chuuya's disbelieving stare, he continues. "I told you, right? I'm good at reading people. Sasaki just made it particularly easy."
"Jealous of me?" Chuuya asks. "Why?"
"I couldn't tell you," Dazai says, but it sounds like a lie. "Maybe she thought we were together or something, like Nikolai. But even if she had wanted to model your clothes, I wouldn't let her."
Chuuya frowns.
"Why not?"
Dazai gives him a sly grin.
"I don't want anyone modeling Chuuya's clothes but me." He says. Chuuya's mouth drops open. "Even if they're tacky."
Chuuya punches him again, because he deserves it. Dazai lets out a small oof, but keeps smiling.
"So what do you say?" He asks. "Will you let me model your clothes for you, Chuuya?"
"They're not what you might expect," Chuuya warns. "They're pretty feminine. Are you gonna have a problem with that?"
Dazai wrinkles his nose.
"If I wasn't ready for anything you might throw at me, I wouldn't have offered." He says. "So sure. Put me in a skirt, or something. I won't mind as long as it looks good."
"Dazai in a skirt?" Someone whistles. Chuuya looks over and sees Yosano there, absolutely rocking a skin-tight mini dress and fishnets. "I'd pay actual money to see that."
"You hear that, Chuuya?" Dazai asks, grinning. "You'll be rich."
Chuuya sighs.
"Fine," He says. "But if you make fun of the clothes I put you in one time, we're done. Got it?"
Dazai mimes zipping his lips, and his eyes sparkle. Chuuya's breath leaves him in a rush of air.
"I'm gonna go get a drink." Dazai tells him. "You want anything?"
Chuuya hums, thinking for a moment.
"If there's soda just grab me that." He says. "I'm not really looking to get wasted tonight."
Dazai frowns.
"Boring." He pouts. "But gotcha. I'll get you something alcohol-free."
With that, he's off to the kitchen, that cheerful spring back in his step. Chuuya watches him go until he disappears, and when he turns back to Yosano, she's looking at him with a raised eyebrow.
"What?" He asks her. She gives him a thoughtful look, like she's appraising him.
"What do you think of him?" She asks.
"Dazai?" She nods. "I hate his guts. Why do you ask?"
"Is that so?" She grins at him. "You defended him, though, at the bar. And the way you look at him… do you like him, Chuuya?"
Chuuya feels himself turn red. It's an unfortunate trait he has that he hates. He blushes at anything and everything.
"Don't be stupid." He blurts. "There's no way I could ever like him. He's a dick."
"You should give him a chance." Yosano says, suddenly serious. "He's really trying, you know. I don't know why he's failing his classes, but it's not like him to accept help. So thank you for that. He's opening up to you. It's… It's nice to see it."
She sounds a bit… sad.
"I really don't think he is." Chuuya says. "Any time I feel like we've made any progress towards a friendship, he shuts down. I don't get it. I'm surprised he hasn't opened up to you, though."
Yosano gives Chuuya a wry grin.
"He doesn't like to." She tells him. "Dazai… Every vulnerable thing I learned about him was without his permission. He likes to pretend it never happened. I think he's ashamed of it, that we saw him like that. Ranpo and I like him, but… he doesn't trust us."
"That's stupid." Chuuya says. "Why wouldn't he trust you? You literally saved his life."
Yosano shrugs.
"I don't take it personally." She keeps an eye out to see if Dazai is heading back. Chuuya does, too, but there's no sign of him. "It's not like he wanted us to. I think he might still resent Fyodor for calling me to help."
"Fyodor called you?" Chuuya asks, frowning. "Why?"
Yosano turns to him with an almost guilty expression.
"I really shouldn't tell you anything else." She says. "Just… don't hurt him, okay? He's been through a lot. He doesn't need anything else to go wrong. I don't know what would happen if it did."
Chuuya nods, his throat closing up at just the thought of it.
"I'll do my best."
It's been a while, and Dazai still isn't back yet. Chuuya is starting to get a bit worried.
"Are you gonna go look for him?" Yosano asks, and Chuuya thinks about it for a moment. Fuck it. He nods.
"Yeah," He says. "He's taking too long. I want my damn drink."
Yosano snorts, giving him a knowing glance. Chuuya ignores her, setting off towards the kitchen.
He doesn't really know what he's expecting, but it isn't to see Dazai pushed against the wall by some girl, with her hands all over him. Typical, Chuuya thinks, flashing back to Dazai's earlier interaction with Sasaki, kissing her hand. What a womanizer. It's only when he gets closer that he realizes that something isn't right.
Dazai isn't responding. He's still, limp against the wall, and even though his hands are on her hips, he's not kissing her back or even holding onto her tightly. Chuuya frowns as the girl pulls away.
"Hey, couldn't you at least pretend to be into it?" She asks. "What's up with you? You'd usually jump at a chance to be with me."
Dazai doesn't respond, so she slaps him. His head snaps to the side, and he reaches up a hand to cup his cheek.
"Sorry," He croaks out, seemingly coming back to himself. "Not tonight, okay? I'm actually… I'm actually interested in someone else, right now."
The girl looks offended, at that.
"And you let me kiss you anyway?" She snaps. "Were you just gonna lead me on forever?"
Chuuya's frown deepens as Dazai pushes her away lightly.
"I thought we agreed none of this was romantic." He counters, and the girl goes from offended to pissed.
"Well, yeah," She spits. "But I thought something had changed. I guess it's true that you just can't have romantic feelings for anyone, huh?"
She reaches up to slap Dazai again, but at that point Chuuya is close enough that he can stop her, reaching out and grabbing her wrist before her hand makes contact.
"Back off." Chuuya warns. She glares at him and yanks her hand away. Then she glances between him and Dazai, and her eyes widen. She laughs.
"Really?" She asks Dazai. "You're kidding me, right?"
Dazai stares blankly ahead.
"I don't know what you're talking about." He says. The girl laughs harder, and steps back.
"I can't believe this." She turns to Chuuya and grins. "Don't let him fool you. He's incapable of feeling anything other than sexual things. I feel bad for you, honestly."
What? Chuuya frowns, confused.
"What does any of that have to do with me?" He asks. Her grin widens, mouth opening to speak, but Dazai beats her to it.
"Emiko, drop it." He commands, his voice cold. And the girl, Emiko, looks so shocked that she does.
"I feel bad for you." She repeats, and turns around to walk away. Chuuya is left there, standing in front of Dazai, completely and utterly confused.
"I'm sorry you had to see that." Dazai sighs. He steps away from the wall and towards the kitchen counter.
"It's no problem." Chuuya says, following him. "What are you getting to drink?"
Dazai smiles wryly at him.
"After that disaster?" He shakes his head. "I really just need some water. I'll get you your soda and then we can head back to Yosano."
He opens the fridge and pulls out what looks to be a bottle of Coca-Cola, holding it up so Chuuya can see it clearly.
"This good?" Dazai asks. Chuuya nods, a bit out of it.
"I had no idea you were such a heartbreaker." He says, watching as Dazai pours the soda into a glass. Dazai laughs lightly. It's not the same laugh he uses when it's just the two of them, Chuuya notices.
"You're a little bit dense, aren't you, Chuuya?" Dazai asks, avoiding his gaze. Chuuya bristles.
"I'm the one tutoring you." He snaps. "I'm smart."
Dazai turns to him, and his smile is a bit sad.
"That's not what I meant." He says, and hands Chuuya his drink. Chuuya glares at him, but takes a sip anyway.
"What else could you have possibly meant?" He asks. Dazai shrugs.
"It's really not that important." Dazai says. Liar. Chuuya decides not to push him on it.
"Whatever." He retorts. "Let's head back. Yosano is waiting for you. She got worried."
Dazai shakes his head and grabs a water bottle.
"Of course she did." He sighs. "She really shouldn't worry so much. I'm not that important."
"Do you really think that?" Chuuya asks, his mouth dry. "That you're not important?"
Maybe he already knows the answer. Maybe he already knows that if Dazai didn't think that, he wouldn't have tried to kill himself in the first place. Maybe he wants to hear it from Dazai's mouth anyways.
"It's true." Dazai says, shrugging. Chuuya bristles.
"It's not." He insists. "You are important. You have people who care about you. Yosano cares. Ranpo cares." I care. The thought shocks him so much that he freezes, his mouth halfway open. Dazai watches him with a dead-eyed stare.
"They shouldn't." He says simply. "I'm not worth it."
"Fuck you." Chuuya seethes. "You're so obsessed with yourself that you can't see two good things right in front of you. Regardless of what you think, they do care. Even if you don't."
Dazai stares at him.
"I do care about them." He speaks slowly, like he's being careful about which words he uses. "I don't always show it, but I do care."
Chuuya forces himself to take a deep breath, and not say anything stupid.
"That's a good start." He says, instead. "Come on. Let's go."
Dazai trails after him like a lost puppy, his hand latching gently onto the back of Chuuya's shirt. Chuuya lets him, because it's crowded in here, and he doesn't want them to get separated. When they get back to their original spot, Dazai doesn't let go, and Chuuya still doesn't stop him. Dazai looks… like he's struggling. He looks a bit distant. Chuuya slaps his shoulder lightly to snap him out of it, and his eyes clear up a bit.
"Sorry." Dazai says, and when his eyes land on Yosano, he smiles. It doesn't look genuine at all. "I'm back! Is Ranpo on his way?"
Yosano shakes her head.
"He got held up." She says, holding up her phone. Dazai leans forward, squinting, reading what Chuuya assumes to be a text message. He wonders for a moment why Dazai has to squint if his vision is really as perfect as he says it is.
"Aww." Dazai pouts, pulling back. "That's no fun. Tell him he's killing the vibe."
Yosano snorts and does as she's told, typing out a message and sending it.
"There." She shows Dazai the message she'd sent. "Happy?"
Dazai squints again. Now Chuuya is really curious.
"Hey, can you see properly?" He asks, and Dazai glances at him, surprised.
"Hm?" He asks. "Yeah, I can see just fine. Yosano's screen brightness is just really low."
It's actually not, but Chuuya doesn't want to push Dazai any further than he already has and ruin his night, so he drops it. He drinks his soda slowly, and startles when someone jumps into his vision suddenly. It's Nikolai. He's holding a bottle of vodka in one hand and two shot glasses in-between the fingers of the other.
"Who wants to do shots?" He asks, excitedly. Chuuya grimaces, but Dazai beams.
"Hey, Chuuya," He says slyly. "Wanna try? I'll do it, too."
Chuuya wrinkles his nose.
"What?" Nikolai teases. "Are you afraid? Scared Dazai can handle more than you? Say, Chuuya, you're not a lightweight, are you?"
Chuuya slams his cup of soda down on a nearby table and sticks his hand out.
"Give it to me." He demands. "I'm not a lightweight. I could drink that asshole under the table if I wanted to."
Nikolai hands him and Dazai a shot glass each, and pours vodka into both of them. Dazai grins at him, his eyes shining. Yosano watches them with a smug look on her face.
Chuuya downs his first shot just fine, grimacing at the taste. But Dazai doesn't look affected by it at all.
"Another." Chuuya demands, and Nikolai laughs, pouring him another shot. He downs that one too, Dazai matching his speed. It's after that he begins to realize that he might have made a mistake.
Because Chuuya is a lightweight. He supposes he'd really just been desperately hoping that Dazai was worse than him, but it's becoming quite clear that that is not the case at all. Because Dazai looks perfectly fine, and Chuuya is feeling very woozy.
Dazai looks more than fine, actually. The lights in the room form somewhat of a halo behind his dark hair. His smile is bright and pretty. Without thinking, Chuuya reaches up and touches his lips. Dazai jolts, surprised, but Chuuya presses harder, closing his eyes.
"Shh," He hushes, and then groans. "Don't talk. Everything you say is stupid."
He hears someone laughing, but he doesn't care enough to see who. Dazai's hand– soft, Chuuya thinks– closes around his wrist and pulls it away from his lips. Chuuya opens his eyes again, and Dazai's smile has grown softer.
"Whipped." Someone says. It sounds like Yosano. Dazai raises his hand to flip her off, and links his and Chuuya's fingers together. Chuuya turns red, but he's so out of it that all he can do is lean forward and rest his forehead on Dazai's chest with another groan.
"You really are a lightweight." Dazai chuckles, and Chuuya hits him weakly with his free hand. He looks up, and Dazai's face is right there, and his lips are so kissable. Chuuya starts to get up on his tiptoes, but Dazai steps back just enough that he can't reach. "I think," Dazai says. "That you've had enough to drink. Let's get you back home, Chuuya."
Mortifyingly, Chuuya's eyes start to well up with tears. He sniffles and turns away, rubbing at them with his free hand.
"Hey, hey," Dazai tugs at his hand gently. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"I really wanted to beat you." Chuuya says, glaring at his shoes. Dazai gives him an apologetic grin.
"Sorry about that." He says. "I probably should have stopped Nikolai after the first shot."
"You knew I'd lose?" Chuuya asks, a little bit angry. Dazai shrugs.
"I've never been beaten by anyone but Fyodor." He says. "I have a good tolerance."
Chuuya frowns and rubs at his eyes again.
"Oh." He mumbles. "You said you'd take me home, right?"
Dazai smiles at him.
"Yeah, I did." Dazai murmurs, squeezing Chuuya's hand again. "Let's go." He waves at Yosano and Nikolai, and they head outside.
It's chilly out. Chuuya shivers, and Dazai frowns, letting go of his hand.
"What are you doing?" Chuuya whines. Dazai is tugging off his coat. The bright red of his shirt collar and sleeves stand out against the pale pallor of his skin and his dark hair. He finally gets his coat all the way off and drapes it over Chuuya's shoulders.
"I don't know why you thought not bringing a jacket would be a good idea." Dazai says, helping Chuuya put his arms through the sleeves. It's a warm coat. It's probably made of wool, or something. Dazai turns the collar of the coat up around Chuuya's neck, and steps back, looking satisfied with himself. "Okay. Let's go."
He takes Chuuya's hand again and leads him away from the DOA frat house. The streetlights on campus block out the stars with light pollution, but Chuuya knows that they're still there.
"Hey," He says, and Dazai hums in question. "Do you think my mom sees the same stars as we do?"
Dazai pauses, looking over at him.
"Where's your mom?" He asks.
"France." Chuuya tells him. "She's in the hospital right now, but… If she looked out the window, do you think the stars would look the same as they do here?"
Dazai's mouth turns up in a soft smile.
"In a couple hours, probably." He says. "It's the same sky, after all."
"Yeah…" Chuuya breathes, staring. Everything about Dazai is beautiful right now. "The same sky. I think so, too."