Jared felt Liam tense up under his arm.
"It's hard for me Jared. My parents were killed in car collision on their way to see me at college. They were great parents and like I told you before, they didn't even blink an eye when I came out. They did warn me of the difficulties I would face, but they assured me they would support me because I was their son and they loved me. Mom was a nurse and dad was a doctor. They used to laugh about putting a spin on the term 'Operating Room' at the hospital. At 13, I didn't want to hear about my parents having sex which made them laugh only harder. We had a good life and I loved them dearly. When I graduated from college, I moved here to start the job." Liam explained.
"What about the collision?" Jared asked.
Liam hesitated before answering. "I was at college studying paramedicine. I was so involved in the course I didn't get home very often to visit with them. They offered to come up to visit; it wasn't a long trip - only an hour away. I offered to take a break from my studying and buy them dinner if they came up to visit me."
Jared felt Liam's body shiver, and he pulled him tight into his side. When Jared looked directly into Liam's eyes, he could see he was crying.
"You don't have to say anything else Liam," Jared said.
"For the first time, I want to. I want to tell you Jared, to tell you what a monster I am. They wouldn't have been killed by the semi driver who fell asleep at his wheel if they weren't coming to see me. The truck driver was running 2 sets of logbooks and had been driving for 26 hours according to his satellite record. The company wasn't shutting him down and had encouraged him to put in as many hours as possible. He was popping pills to stay awake. They never had a chance." Liam was sobbing loudly. "If I had not invited them for dinner, they would still be alive. They left our house to come and see me because I was too selfish to go visit them. I killed them!"
Liam got up and ran to the door. He started to put his shoes on but was having trouble seeing them through the tears and fell over.
"Now that you know I killed my parents, you won't want me to be near you," Liam sobbed.
Jared had moved from the couch quickly and was following Liam. He was surprised at Liam's statement about being responsible for his parents' death. Now he understood why Liam was reacting to the death of the man involved in the collision yesterday so personally. He was feeling responsible for the man's death the same way he had suppressed his feelings of responsibility for his parents' deaths. He reached Liam as he fell to the floor and got down next to him, wrapping his big arms around him and pulling him in tight. Liam was struggling at first, trying to resist, but Jared was bigger and stronger.
"Let me go, I have to leave. You hate me now," Liam yelled.
"Liam, listen to me. STOP and be still." Jared's voice was calm but firm. Jared could feel Liam's body stop struggling in his arms.
"Listen to me Liam. I love you." Liam's body went rigid, but he wasn't struggling at all.
"Did you hear me Liam? I love you." Jared repeated, keeping Liam tight in his arms.
"Why would you say that? I killed my parents." Liam's sobbing intensified.
"Liam, look at me," Jared said.
"No. Let me go," Liam replied quickly.
"Liam, look at me." Jared's voice remained very calm.
Liam lifted his head to look at Jared. Jared could see Liam's beautiful blue eyes were red and swollen from the crying, but they were still beautiful. "Liam, I need you to stay here with me and let me help you. Listen to me Liam, I will say this very clearly - I love you, unconditionally."
Liam looked at Jared for a long time, as if he was trying to see if what was being said was the truth. "You can't love me. I killed my parents."
"Liam, I love you. Let's go sit on the couch again and talk."
Jared could feel Liam's body relax in his arms. He stood, dragging Liam up with him and over to the couch. They sat down and Jared pulled him tight to his side. "Liam, we have talked of paths in life being followed throughout life. Unfortunately, sometimes when people are diverted off their pathway it may intersect with someone else's, changing them both. From what you have told me, it appears to me that is exactly what happened."
"You just told me they offered to come to see you and you offered to buy them supper. Is that accurate?"
"Yes."
"Could they have said no to your invitation to buy supper, or made it another night?"
Liam sat and thought for a couple of minutes. "Are you saying it was their fault?"
"No, I am not. Could they have said no to your invitation to buy supper, or made it another night?"
"Yes, they could have."
"Were they coming before or after you offered to buy them supper?"
"Before."
"Were they coming to visit you without any mention of supper and just to be with you to visit?"
"Yes, they were. You are trying to blame them."
"Not at all. They made a series of choices in making the trip. They chose who was driving, chose the vehicle they were driving, chose the route as well as the speed to travel to mention just a few things. They chose to travel down their pathway of life, to come and visit you of their own free will. The truck driver made all kinds of choices as well, except his were all bad choices. His pathway forked, and instead of sticking to the main trail he chose the fork. His fork unfortunately resulted in a path across your parents' pathway and the results were devastating. His choices resulted in killing two innocent people who were just following their hearts to be with the one they loved. You did not kill them. Do you understand Liam?" Jared replied softly to Liam.
Liam settled back into Jared and was quiet. "In spite of how fucked up I am, you still love me Jared?" he asked.