Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto; Masashi Kishimoto does. This is nothing more than a story to alter the canon. I will use jutsu of my own creation or alter the names of real ones to fit my work.
Author's Note: This story includes gore, lemons, and adult content. It will also negate parts of the canon, such as the space bunny goddess mumbo-jumbo. Lemons will be clearly marked so they can be skipped if you prefer not to read them.
"Speaking"
"Thinking"
"Biju speaking / Inner Sakura speaking"
"Biju thinking / Inner Sakura thinking"
Jutsu
Surprises
Hokage's Office
Team 7 had just finished their report to the Hokage. Sasuke couldn't wait to get home and continue training. That unnerving blonde kunoichi was going to learn what it meant to be a true elite.
Sakura tried to catch up to Sasuke to invite him to lunch, but he was so deep in thought he didn't hear her. Kiba and Akamaru weren't in the mood either—they just went home. He needed to talk with his mother, arguably the most frightening kunoichi in the Land of Fire.
"Hokage-sama, if I may? There are some private issues I need to discuss with you."
Sarutobi nodded then signaled to the ANBU in the room. The Hokage dismissed them, and they left silently.
"What troubles you, Kakashi-san? This old man hasn't seen you this nervous since that day…" said the leader of the Hidden Leaf, concerned about one of his best shinobi.
"Hokage-sama, my team isn't working properly. I can't put it in writing because the council keeps pampering Sasuke, but he's delusional. He believes he's superior to his teammates. Sakura is useless—she has potential, but she's nothing more than a screeching fangirl. And Kiba… Kiba is the ideal shinobi for me to train: loyal, strong, and hardworking. But something happened during the mission against Zabuza's partner. Since then, he's stopped trying to hold the team together. My team is dysfunctional. I need to disband and reassign it. I want to keep Kiba and pass on my summoning contract to him. But he can't work with Sasuke—not anymore. Sakura needs to grow away from the source of her obsession. But I know the council will keep pushing Sasuke on me."
"That is troublesome indeed… Hmm… I might be able to rearrange the team, but not until after the Chūnin Exams. Do you think they're ready?"
"Yes. No… Not all of them. Kiba and Sasuke are strong enough to carry Sakura through to the final phase. Kiba and Sakura are intelligent enough to keep the Uchiha safe during the second phase. But only Kiba is ready to become a Chūnin."
"Hmm… Train them. Make sure they survive the exam, and I'll disband your team afterward. Maybe I can even do something about the council. But they have to survive."
Hiruzen took a long drag from his pipe and slowly exhaled the smoke.
"There's something else, isn't there, Kakashi?"
The jōnin looked down, ashamed.
"Hai…"
"I… I found her, Hokage-sama… I found Naruko."
Sarutobi's eyes widened as Kakashi pulled out a scroll from his pouch. He placed it on the desk and dropped into a chair, too weak to remain standing.
"She's changed. She told me what happened to her… or him… Argh, I don't even know! It's so confusing." Kakashi sighed. "She told me she died, more or less. The Kyūbi kept her alive that day. And in healing her, something changed. Now she's a girl—well, technically a hermaphrodite. She told me the demon believes she is its kit. And… she's a Kumo kunoichi."
Kakashi dropped to his knees, crying.
"I couldn't bring her back. I just couldn't. She stood right in front of me and told me she doesn't hate Konoha… but she's a Kumo ninja now. That in Kumo, she has a family. That she can forgive us—but not forget."
The man broke down in front of his leader.
Once he recovered, Kakashi told the Hokage about Kumo's proposal for an alliance and that the scroll was about that—and about Naruko.
Inuzuka Clan Compound
When Kiba Inuzuka arrived home, he was far from his usual cheerful self. Every ninken in the compound could sense that the young shinobi was deeply troubled.
He entered the home he shared with his mother and sister, looking for the clan leader. Kuromaru, his mother's ninken partner, told him Tsume was in a meeting, but to wait—she was due home any moment.
"Hellooooooooooo! How's my youngest pup doing? How was your first C-rank?" roared Tsume as she entered the house. The moment she saw Kiba, she knew something was terribly wrong.
"Mother, I… I…"
"Shhh, my pup. Mom is here," said the clan head, wrapping her son in a tight hug.
"Tell me what happened. Don't be afraid to cry. Only those who aren't man enough to admit their tears brag about not crying."
"Mom… I can't stay on my current team. I can't trust them anymore. Uchiha betrayed me, Mom. He tried to use me as a human shield. If it weren't for Akamaru—and the fact that our enemy was only trying to render us unconscious—I'd be dead. Betrayed!"
Kiba cried, letting out all his frustration, mistrust, and anger.
Tsume pretended to stay calm—for his sake. But inside, she was furious. And when Tsume Inuzuka gets angry—not upset or annoyed—angry… everyone knows that the shit's about to hit the fan.
Hokage's Office
Hiruzen Sarutobi was deep in thought. Naruko had been found—but now she was loyal to another village. At least it wasn't Iwagakure. Sighing in resignation, he opened the scroll.
To the Hokage of Konohagakure no Sato,
I, A, Raikage of Kumogakure no Sato, write to you for several reasons I believe are of mutual interest.
Currently, our two villages are among the strongest in the ninja world. For the sake of peace and prosperity—and out of respect for two individuals our villages hold dear—I wish to form an alliance between us. As a sign of good faith, I will send one or two teams to the upcoming Chūnin Exams in Konoha, including the two ninja I've come to care deeply about.
First of all, I am not my father. I do not condone kidnapping foreign children to strengthen my village's power. That said, I did not abduct Naruko Uzumaki or Hinata Hyūga/Uzumaki. I gave them shelter, and they chose to become Kumo-nin. They will explain that to you in person, as they've asked me not to speak of the details. I will say only this: both were betrayed by their fellow villagers.
Under the care of my brother, the Hachibi Jinchūriki, both have grown into splendid shinobi. Naruko has achieved the status of a perfect Jinchūriki. Thanks to this, we've learned the truth behind the Kyūbi's attack sixteen years ago. Someone forcibly extracted the Nine-Tails from Naruko's mother and directed it to attack Konoha. The bijū considers Naruko its child, as it shared a bond with her mother and cannot have offspring of its own.
To protect our Jinchūrikis and defend both our villages from the man responsible for that tragedy, I extend my offer of alliance.
P.S.:
The bijū knows about Naruko's heritage. I know they've spoken of her mother; whether they've spoken of her father, I don't know. I'll allow them to return to Konoha only if we form an alliance, out of respect for her father. But as long as they wish to remain Kumo-nin, Kumo-nin they shall remain.
Hinata holds a document signed by her clan's elders releasing her from their authority to the person she is to marry. Legally, she is married to Naruko, though they haven't yet held a wedding ceremony. She will provide more details.
Also, to avoid any surprises: Naruko is now a hermaphrodite, though her body is mostly female. She will explain the details herself.
It is their wish that you not speak of this to anyone. They want to deliver this news to their families personally.
Yours truly,
Raikage A
The Sandaime read and re-read the scroll. These Chūnin Exams were going to be a real pain in the ass.
"Bah… I'm too old for this. I should retire again. But who can be the next Hokage…?"
He sighed.
"Naruko… please, be safe."
Kumogakure – Raikage's Office
"I'm glad you're all safe. So, you met the infamous Copy Ninja, Kakashi?"
"Yes, old-man Raikage. He… he was one of the few ninja who actually kept me safe when I was in Konoha," said Naruko. She made a gesture toward Bee, who nodded in response.
"And who is this?" asked the bulky man, pointing at the pretty boy.
"I am Haku Momochi, Raikage-sama. I was Zabuza-sama's servant… son. He—Father—asked N-sama to take care of me. I wish to serve her as I served Zabuza-sama," said Haku, bowing deeply.
"A-sama, Haku is a strong shinobi of the fallen Yuki clan. I've attached a detailed résumé of his history and known skills to Bee-sensei's report. I trust him, and he possesses the Ice Release bloodline."
"Well, if H-chan trusts you, then I have no doubts. Tell me, Momochi-san, what do you want from Kumo? Do you wish to become a shinobi? Rebuild your clan? Live as a civilian?"
"Raikage-sama, I only wish to serve the Uzumaki clan."
"And what about your bloodline? Would you agree to produce more Ice Release users? I can arrange for willing women to help continue your line."
"I don't wish to rebuild the clan. I was never truly a part of it—my mother was exiled. I have no secret techniques or clan jutsu, only the ones I created myself. I don't mind sharing my bloodline, but I don't want to start a family… If you can guarantee that the women are willing, I wouldn't mind donating my… seed? But I won't be a father to any of those ice users. I am, however, willing to teach them my jutsu." Haku was visibly uncomfortable with the topic.
"That is acceptable. I assure you no one will be forced. You have my word," said A, nodding firmly.
"Hey, old-man Raikage! Check this out!" exclaimed an excited Naruko, unsealing the Kubikiribōchō. "Zabuza-san gave it to me! Isn't it awesome? Look at this blade! It's soooo cool! It even repairs and sharpens itself!" Her eyes practically turned into stars.
"Haku-san, here's the key to our apartment. I've got a spare at home, so don't worry," said Hinata, handing Haku a small key. He nodded, accepting it with a smile.
A raised his hand for silence. "In two months, Konoha will host the Chūnin Exams. I want your team to participate. With Haku, you're now a team of three, as required." He raised his hand again as Naruko opened her mouth. "I had planned to send you and Team D, but Omoi and Samui were injured in their last mission. Yes, N-chan, they're fine. No, N-chan, they can't go—they need time to recover and train. In fact, Samui specifically requested to skip this exam so she can return at full strength. And before you ask—they fell down a ravine protecting their clients."
Before Naruko could speak, Hinata stepped forward. "We'll do as you command. I assume this has to do with the scroll Bee-sensei gave to Hatake-san?"
"H-chan, you're scary sometimes. Were you watching me with your eyes?"
"No, Bee-sensei. I observed with my normal vision. I don't spy on my friends or allies without good reason," said the girl, bowing slightly.
"You are to reach the third stage of the exam. I'll be attending personally to witness it—and to negotiate an alliance with Konoha. Is that understood?"
"Hai!" the ninja chorused.
"Bee will accompany you as your sensei. But during the exam, H-chan will lead. She's clever and perceptive—sharp enough to fool a jōnin. Under her leadership, you'll handle anything they throw your way." Team Bee nodded in agreement.
"MABUI!" The secretary entered the room like a bolt of lightning.
"Mabui, this is Haku. He's agreed not only to join Kumogakure, but also to help us acquire a new bloodline. I want you to prepare a breeding program to—"
"Permission to speak freely, Raikage-sama!" interrupted the tanned woman. A grumbled in annoyance but eventually muttered, "Granted."
"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! You're supposed to be leading the charge against the old ways! And now you're asking a girl who just joined Kumo to turn herself into a baby factory?! YOU MUSCLE-HEADED, STEROID-PUMPED MEATHEAD!"
"I'm in love…" muttered Bee, scribbling furiously into his notebook.
"MABUI. I meant find females willing to carry his bloodline. Haku is a boy!" roared A, slamming his desk in frustration.
"A WHAT?!"
"A boy, Secretary-sama," confirmed Haku calmly.
"But… but he's so cuuuuute! Tell me, pretty boy, do you prefer medical procedures or the natural approach?" asked Mabui, suddenly drooling. "He's like a doll! And so well-mannered… I might want him for myself, jejejeje."
"Sorry, but that's not for me to decide. You'll need to ask N-sama or H-sama. Also, I want the women to understand that I don't intend to be a father or start a clan."
"He's got a servant complex or something," said Hinata, sighing. "So I guess it's up to us, H-chan."
"Well then, I say we go with the medical approach to ensure success. But if he wants some fun, and the women understand his intentions, I won't stop him."
"Tell me, Haku-chan," purred Mabui, wrapping her arms around one of his, "do you have any experience?"
"N-No, Mabui-sama," he stammered. Mabui stared at him like a predator.
"Don't worry, cutie. Mabui will teach you. I know some girls who'll be very interested once they meet you…"
"Just bring him home tomorrow morning so we can show him around," Naruko snickered as the voluptuous woman dragged the blushing boy out of the room.
"Noooooo, Mabui-chaaaan…" sobbed Bee, waterfalls of tears streaming down his cheeks. The rest of the room burst into laughter.
Konoha, Hokage's Office
As requested by the Inuzuka matriarch, the Hokage and Kakashi met with her in the Hokage's office.
"Inuzuka-san, why have you requested this meeting?" asked the elderly leader.
"Hokage-sama, it has come to my attention that one of my clan members is having serious issues with his team. The fact that he is my son is irrelevant, considering the severity of the offense committed against him."
"Inuzuka-sama… Tsume-san… I'm aware that after the Wave mission, Kiba and Akamaru have had trouble with team dynamics, and I've already asked Hokage-sama to disband the team. In fact, your son is the only student I'm proud of. Has Kiba-kun told you what happened? He refuses to answer me."
"It hurts, doesn't it, Kakashi-san?" Tsume said, voice low but firm. "Many people say you're the closest thing to an Inuzuka outside the clan. Brave, loyal, and thanks to your summoning contract, deeply bonded with ninken. So you, of all people, should understand the pain of betrayal—for a dog… or a shinobi of my clan."
"Betrayal? Tsume-chan, please tell us what happened to young Kiba-kun," pleaded Sarutobi.
"Betrayal happened. BETRAYAL!" roared the feral woman. "That flea-bitten, pampered, pompous, smelly piece of shit betrayed my son! He used him as a human shield. If it weren't for Akamaru and the fact that the enemy shinobi was trying to incapacitate rather than kill them… my pup could be dead because of that arrogant prick! I want that bastard off my son's team, and I want him to pay for what he did. It's not only a betrayal of a comrade—it's the worst thing one can do to an Inuzuka! I had to arrange for the Yamanaka's help just so my son could continue as a shinobi without a long-term mental break."
For Inuzuka Tsume to speak this long without shouting, growling, or barking was a record. Unfortunately, it only underscored the seriousness of her claim.
"Tsume-chan… I'm truly sorry. We didn't know. But unfortunately, we can't take action until after the Chunin Exams. We have to wait until then to disband the team."
"Let me guess—the council wants the Uchiha bastard to participate in the exams. Grrrrr… Very well. Damn it. Damn all of them and the minor clans that support them. This will cost them, Sarutobi. I swear on my clan's name—they will pay in due time." Tsume couldn't help it—she clawed into the desk, leaving deep gouges.
"Tsume-san, I promise I'll do everything I can to help prepare your son for the exams. I'll also have him sign my dog summon contract. I hope having more partners will help him recover."
"That… that's actually very generous of you, Kakashi. You know my clan has been after a canine summoning contract for years." Tsume's tone softened slightly. "And… I'm sorry for lashing out at you. I know you dislike the Uchiha situation as much as I do."
"No, I deserve it. I'm their sensei and team leader. This is my responsibility—and by extension, my failure. If only Sasuke were more like Obito… heck, even his psychopath of a brother was a better teammate than him. Damn the civilian council and their allies."
Tsume raised an imaginary toast and declared, "Damn the civilian council!"
"Cheers," said the Hokage, surprising the other two.
"Before I go, one more thing: if my son dies in the exams before the third round and that bastard survives… I will personally claw out his eyes, feed them to Kuromaru as a snack, then cut off what makes him a boy so the med-nin can extract his precious genetics. Am I clear?" she growled, slamming the door behind her.
"If only Kiba-kun had told me earlier…" lamented Kakashi.
"Kakashi," said Hiruzen softly, "I know being a sensei is hard. You're not the first with difficult students. But please, endure just a couple more months. If all goes well, we might be able to reestablish contact with…" he leaned in and whispered: "Naruko Uzumaki and Hinata Hyuga Uzumaki."
The pervert in both men forced a shameless giggle.
For the next few months, life was good for Team Bee.
Naruko and Hinata continued pushing themselves relentlessly, and Haku was now part of the team dynamic. With no need to stay on the run, Haku had more time to train, reach new power levels, and develop new jutsu. Under Killer Bee's tutelage, and with Naruko and Hinata as sparring partners—alongside Karui on occasion—he came to truly understand what it meant to be "training crazy."
Back in Konoha, the other teams were having a similar experience. Originally, Kakashi considered not telling his team about the exams, but ultimately decided that maybe the pressure of competition would motivate them.
With his guidance, Sasuke—after several disciplinary actions due to the Wave incident—continued developing his Sharingan.
Sakura remained mostly useless, but she at least began taking her basic training seriously. She improved somewhat in taijutsu and had started learning basic first aid.
Kiba, with the Yamanaka's help, slowly recovered from the betrayal he'd suffered at the hands of his teammate. He was participating in the team again, but no longer led the way in teamwork—he was withdrawn, more cautious now.
"Kiba-kun, after training today, I want you to come with me," said Kakashi after the first week of renewed effort. He led Kiba to a clearing in the training grounds.
"Kiba, why didn't you tell me? I'm your team leader and sensei. I'm supposed to help you however I can," the jonin sighed. "I've already agreed with the Hokage and your mother to disband this team after the exams. I'm stuck with Sasuke because of the council. But if I had to choose between the three of you—I'd choose you, Kiba. You're a loyal and brave warrior, and with time, you'll learn to be subtle. That's why I want to share this with you." Kakashi unrolled his summoning contract.
Kiba's eyes widened in awe. He tried to speak, but the words caught in his throat.
"This situation… it's partly my fault. I'll make sure you get placed on a proper team under a good sensei. And I'm sure my pack will accept you. In time, maybe even merge with the Inuzuka clan. My door will always be open to you." The guilt-ridden jonin scratched Akamaru behind the ears affectionately.
Kiba signed the contract, and from then on, every day after regular training, he practiced summoning with the Copy Ninja. The ninken pack helped him work through his trust and instinct issues, and he began to see Kakashi not as the lazy bastard he appeared to be—but as the competent, deeply wounded man he truly was.
Out of curiosity, he asked his mother about Kakashi's past.
What he learned cast his sensei in an entirely new light.