Location: Rustcloud Sect — Outer Courtyard Training Grounds
I sat under a tree with my usual depressed aura, sipping the worst tea known to man. It tasted like boiled rocks and regret.
Yura lounged beside me, reading some trashy romance scroll she stole from an inner disciple's pillow.
> "So, when are you actually going to cultivate?" she asked.
I took a sip. "I'm already cultivating."
"You're sleeping in the sun."
"It's a solar technique. Totally legit."
She rolled her eyes.
> [System Passive Activated: "Path of Lazy Enlightenment"]
Effect: If you do nothing for 6 hours straight, gain 1 Qi. Bonus if you drool while napping.
---
Suddenly…
A beautiful young woman with snow-white robes, jade hairpins, and high-tier arrogance glided across the courtyard.
Everyone stopped. Birds flew away. The wind bowed in fear.
Elder Disciple Mei Lin — top genius of the Iceflow Peak.
She stared directly at me.
> "You… are the one controlling the Nine-Tailed Demon Beast, correct?"
I blinked. "…Controlling? I mean… sort of? She bites if I don't feed her meat."
Yura snapped her fangs near my ear. I flinched.
> "Silence. I have observed you."
Mei Lin took a graceful step forward. Her voice dripped with suspicion.
> "Your beast casually defeated five assassins. Then beat a Core Realm cultivator. And yet… you remain in the Outer Sect, sweeping floors and pretending to be weak."
She narrowed her eyes.
> "Conclusion: You must be a hidden master in disguise."
I choked on my tea.
---
> [System Alert: New misunderstanding quest triggered.]
Quest: "Pretend to Be a Hidden Expert"
Reward: Unknown. Penalty: Public humiliation, again.
Mei Lin bowed low.
> "Senior… I, Mei Lin, wish to learn under your… glorious breathing method."
My brain short-circuited.
"You mean… this?"
I inhaled. Sat still. Farted softly.
She gasped.
> "Such precision! Such invisible Qi control!"
Yura's eye twitched. "…I'm going to kill someone."
---
Later that evening…
Mei Lin insisted on serving me tea. Her junior sisters surrounded me, calling me "Elder Brother."
Yura watched from the corner, her eye twitching violently.
> "Ohh Elder Brother~ do you breathe in a spiral or a wave pattern when unlocking your third lung?"
I was about to correct her that humans don't have a third lung when Yura kicked the table in half.
> "Oops," she said, tail flicking.
Tea spilled all over Mei Lin's robes. The air temperature dropped 10 degrees.
> "It's fine," Mei Lin said, forcing a smile. "Senior's companion is just… spirited."
Yura's tail curled.
> "Touch him again, and I'll un-spirit your spirit root."
---
That Night…
Back in the shack, I stared at the system window.
> [New Titles Gained: "Hidden Master (False)" / "Breathing Expert (Misunderstood)"]
[System Note: You now have an official fan club.]
"I didn't even do anything!"
> [Exactly.]
Also, congrats! Your real reward from Quest #4: "Beast Bond Upgrade" has been sold to another system for 8,000 Qi Crystals and a used Flying Sword.]
Here's your replacement gift: "Sticky Spirit Socks — +1 Agility When Running from Problems."
I held up a pair of glowing pink socks.
"…I'm going to burn heaven down."
Yura chuckled. "Sure. Right after your next nap."