Date: A week after the ambushes. The fire has died down. So have the voices.
---
The bodies didn't cry.
The fire didn't scream.
And I didn't pray.
Seven mercenaries. Dead. Killed by me.
I counted them out of duty.
And burned them out of respect.
There were no names. No burial rites. No mourning.
Just ashes scattered into a wind that didn't remember them.
Not because I hated them.
Not because I was angry.
But because I had to.
That's all.
---
I sat alone near the edge of camp when Leander approached.
He wasn't smiling. No jokes this time. No old glint in the eye. Just quiet boots over dry leaves.
> "Hey."
"You... holding up?"
I nodded once. Then turned back to the trees.
But he didn't leave.
> "Can I ask something?" he said. "Not as your teammate. Just... as a guy who once killed and nearly drowned in it."
I looked at him.
> "How does it feel?"
"To take a life, and not feel like you're falling apart inside?"
He wasn't mocking me.
Wasn't accusing.
He just didn't understand.
And maybe… part of him didn't want to.
---
I thought about how to answer.
> "I don't feel nothing," I said. "I remember their faces. I remember how they moved. I remember their last breath."
"But guilt?" I shook my head. "That's not what I feel. Not yet"
He frowned slightly.
> "Then what?"
> "Weight," I said. "The weight of command. Of decision."
He sat down next to me, letting the silence hang between us.
> "If it were me," he whispered, "I think I'd freeze. Maybe even run. I'm scared I'd be too ashamed to keep living after something like that."
"But you… you moved like it was expected. Like it was normal."
> "Not normal," I said. "Just necessary."
He didn't speak again for a long moment.
Then—
> "That's the difference, huh?"
"You knew this would happen. One day. That you'd kill. And you... accepted it."
I nodded.
> "Because someone has to. And I'd rather it be me — the one who planned every step — than someone who hesitates and gets us all killed."
He looked down at his hands.
> "You're not cold, Nitsuo. But you are terrifying sometimes."
I let out a soft breath.
> "Good. Fear keeps people alive."
---
The fire cracked behind us.
I didn't look back.
> "They weren't innocent," I said. "But they were still people. So I burned them. Quick. Clean."
"Not to erase them. Just to give them one last kindness."
Leander stood slowly, brushing dust from his cloak.
> "Thanks," he said. "For answering. I needed to hear it."
Then, softer—
> "I'm still scared. But… I think I get it now."
He left after that.
I didn't move.
The forest was silent again.
But my shadow stayed longer than I did.
---
End of Entry
> "To carry blood without breaking doesn't make you strong.
It makes you the one who breaks so no one else has to."