Tiffany Haddish Presents: Kids Have Amnesty…SAY…What!?
Kids Sound Off: "What If Jesus Came Back as a Woman? (And How to Spot a Fake Jesus)"
Inspired by the fearless humor of Tiffany Haddish. For more, visit tiffanyhaddish.com.
Scene: The Sunday School Plot Twist
"Alright, squad—here's a wild question for you: What do you think Jesus would look like if he came back today? And what if Jesus came back as a woman—no beard, no sandals, and definitely no penis? What if this Jesus said, 'Hey, if somebody else shows up claiming to be me, but he's creepy or does inappropriate stuff, that's not me. If he "loves you too much" in a weird way, that's your sign he's a fake. Just FYI!' So, what do you think Jesus would look like, and how would you know it's really him (or her)?"
Kids' Honest Opinions
"I think Jesus could look like anybody—brown, white, girl, boy, old, young, even someone who looks like my teacher. If he came back as a woman, I'd be like, 'Cool, plot twist!'"
"If someone says they're Jesus but acts all creepy, that's not Jesus. Jesus is supposed to make you feel safe, not weirded out."
"If Jesus came back as a woman, people would probably freak out, but I'd just ask her to help with my math homework. She's supposed to be smart, right?"
"If someone says they're Jesus and starts acting like a creep, I'm calling my mom, my grandma, and probably the police."
"Jesus wouldn't care if you're a boy or girl, he'd just want you to be kind and not be a jerk. If someone's being a jerk and saying they're Jesus, they're lying."
"If you ever feel uncomfortable, that's your sign. Real Jesus wouldn't make you feel gross or scared."
"Honestly, if Jesus came back and didn't look like the pictures in church, I'd still believe her if she was nice, helped people, and didn't judge anyone for their shoes or hair."
"If a 'Jesus' tries to hug you too much or says weird stuff, run. The real Jesus wouldn't do that. He'd probably just give you a high five and some good advice."
On What Jesus Would Look Like
"Nobody really knows what Jesus looked like anyway. He could be any color or shape. I bet he'd look like someone you wouldn't expect, just to see if people are really paying attention."
"Some people think Jesus looks like them. I think he looks like everyone a little bit."
"If Jesus came back as a woman, maybe she'd finally get people to listen instead of argue all the time."
The Kids' Final Verdict
"Don't trust anyone just because they say they're Jesus. Trust how they act."
"If they're kind, honest, and make you feel safe, that's the real deal. If they're not, tell someone you trust."
"Jesus isn't about being a boy or girl. He's about being good to people. That's what matters."
"And if you see a fake Jesus doing weird stuff, just say, 'Nope, not today, Satan!' and walk away."
Special thanks to Tiffany Haddish for letting us say what's really on our minds (and for not making us sit through a two-hour sermon). For more, visit tiffanyhaddish.com.