There are exactly three things you never want to see when booting up reality:
A spinning Poké Ball that says "Updating…"
A patch note that includes the phrase "fixed several existential issues"
A notification that your Gym is now a system-critical location
Guess what I woke up to?
The Update
Amber burst into my room holding a floating screen that was flickering violently.
"It's happening!" she shouted.
"Be more specific!" I shouted back, wrestling with a hoodie that kept switching colors like it was on shuffle mode.
"The system! It's patching itself! Live! Reality is getting an update!"
The screen flashed:
Pokémon System Update v9.9.0-beta
Fixed bug where Snorlax could ascend to Elite Four via burrito consumption
Adjusted Floette evolution logic (again)
Players can no longer catch Legendaries using emotional blackmail
NPCs now begin questioning the fourth wall
Added beanbag physics
"Wait. Beanbag physics?"
Amber pointed at the corner.
The beanbag — the one Chadlax had been sleeping on for the past six chapters — had grown little eyes and was now waddling.
"BEBAG," it said ominously.
Karen floated by, sipping a drink made of pure light. "The vibes have evolved."
The League Summit: Begin!
An official-looking invitation warped into my hand, accompanied by fanfare and the sound of 1996 Game Boy startup chimes.
You are invited to the League Summit.Attendance mandatory for all system anomalies.Location: Spear Pillar 2.0 (now with snack bar)
I looked at Midnight Daddy.
He nodded silently.
Karen glowed.
Chadlax kept sleeping, but the beanbag carried him onto the airship like a noble steed.
And thus, we departed for the glitchiest gathering of Champions and gods this world had ever seen.
Spear Pillar 2.0
You've seen Spear Pillar in Diamond and Pearl?
Now imagine that, but:
Covered in giant neon signs that say "NOW UNDER NEW NARRATIVE MANAGEMENT"
Floating in the sky like a Final Fantasy boss arena
With a holographic scoreboard tracking who currently controls the plot
I stepped onto the platform.
Everyone was already there.
Cynthia, sipping coffee and throwing PokéBalls like stress balls
Red, still not talking but somehow glaring harder than ever
Steven, polishing a stone that may or may not be sentient
Leon, who brought a whole fan section for his cape
And N, who was talking to the wind and it was talking back
Then I saw USER_404 again — still faceless, still cloaked in pure code.
He nodded to me.
"We're here," he said, voice echoing like someone pressed 'reverb' too hard. "Now we patch the League."
Patch Notes Read Aloud (Like a Sermon)
A massive screen rose from the center of the summit. Glowing words scrolled across it.
Pokémon v9.9.0-beta League Patch Notes – Highlights
Gym Leaders with anomalous authority (e.g., SaveFileGod) are now considered Class A Narrative Entities
Shiny Umbreons now emit passive coolness aura (+5 to edginess)
Vibe-Based Pokémon are now part of a new typing system: Vibe / Reality
Bug fixed where Karen had access to developer console
New optional mode added: "NPCs start asking questions"
Amber choked on her soda. "Wait, what does that last one mean?"
Then one of the Elite Four — I think it was Agatha? — looked up and said, very clearly:
"Why do I only exist to be defeated by teenagers?"
Everyone froze.
Patch 9.9.0: Live.
The Summit Descends Into Chaos
"Oh no," I said. "They're self-aware."
More NPCs started speaking up.
"Why is my whole team weak to Electric?"
"Why does my town only have three buildings?"
"Why is my job just standing next to a cave entrance for all eternity!?"
The system began wobbling.
"System instability rising," Amber said, staring at her scanner. "The meta is too unstable. We're overloading."
Karen floated into the air and clapped once.
✨Reset Vibes.✨
Everyone stopped talking.
The world shimmered. Reality buffered.
"Did… she just reboot the League?"
Amber: "She just rebooted the League."
The Voice Above
Just when we thought things had settled, the sky tore open again.
A new voice echoed out:
"PLAYER DETECTED: SaveFile_Y.""Loading: Antagonist Expansion Pack."
Another file.
Another one of me.
But this time, it didn't just sound angry.
It sounded custom built to ruin me.
Amber's screen lit up with warnings.
"New rival detected. Same authority class. Same powers.""They have a Pokémon that does not exist in this version."
A figure landed dramatically on the summit — a new Trainer, dressed in glitch-black, with a team of Pokémon all fused with red error textures.
They smiled at me with the confidence of someone who read the source code.
"Hey, other me," they said. "Nice file you've got here."
"Let me guess," I said. "You want to overwrite it?"
"No," they replied. "I want to remix it."
The Beanbag Uprising
Before we could battle, the beanbag that had been carrying Chadlax stood up.
"BEBAG!" it roared.
The other Trainers gasped. The beanbag radiated a new typing.
Typing: Comfort / SentienceAbility: Emotional Support Terrain
Chadlax lazily rolled off it, patted it once, and grunted approvingly.
And then the beanbag evolved.
Congratulations! Your BEBAG has evolved into: BEBOSS.
It now wore sunglasses.
Steven stared in awe. "We've been training Pokémon. But we never trained furniture."
Back to the Save Files
USER_404 pulled me aside.
"There's something you need to know," he said, his voice more serious than ever.
"The system can't hold us all. Too many players. Too many files. It's collapsing."
"Are you saying…"
"Yes," he said. "It's time to choose: merge files… or go to war."
I looked over at the new arrival, SaveFile_Y, already building a narrative army of corrupted Trainers and glitch-dogs.
Midnight Daddy appeared at my side, eyes glowing.
Karen summoned a second flower.
Chadlax cracked his knuckles in his sleep.
And me?
I looked at the patch screen.
Smiled.
And said, "Then let's write a new game."
patreon.com/KyJo_