On the rooftop of a building in the U.S., a group of friends were partying and drinking like there was no tomorrow. None of them gave a second thought to the fact that among them was Zack Monroe, a 21-year-old guy who had gone way too hard on the booze.
Zack – swaying, totally out of it: "Pfff HAHAHA... Guys, I swear I can see the freakin' ocean down there!"
Jack – mocking him: "Haha! You see the ocean? Then jump, brave boy! Go catch us a big fish! HAHAHA!"
Zack looked at them, started stripping with a goofy laugh, and before anyone could stop him—he was dead serious.
He walked to the edge, turned dramatically, and shouted: "As you wish, Jack! I'll catch the biggest fish down there! HAHAHA!"
Everyone screamed, realizing he wasn't joking. But it was too late. Zack turned his back to them and leapt off… cannonball style.
"GERONIMOOOOOOOO—!"
FWOOSH! CRAAASH!
He crash-landed onto the metal roof of a luxury black car, crushing it like a cheap soda can.
THWUMP! SPLAT!
Blood exploded like a fountain across the windshield, and the car alarm blared: "BEEEEP! BEEEEP! BEEEEP!"
Zack, barely breathing, muttered: "Ow... well, that was... a badass idea..."
Darkness swallowed his vision.
---
Zack slowly opened his eyes. "ARGHH... My head... my f**king head... Oh sh*t... Wait a sec... this is not the ocean."
He sat up, groaning. "Why the hell am I in a field? And why is it so cold? It's frickin' May!"
He scratched his chest... and froze.
"Wait a minute..."
He looked down.
Zack – screaming: "AAAAAH! I'M NAKED! I'M F**KING NAKED! WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME?!"
Panicking, he looked around. Then—
BZZZZZ
A bee flew past.
Zack lost it. "NOOO! Don't sting my butt! NOT MY BUTT!!"
He bolted. Bare-ass naked. Screaming.
Tripped. Rolled into some branches. And then—
THUNK!
Something sharp pierced his side.
Ghhhk—! Blood gushed from his mouth. He gripped a broken tree trunk.
Crk—! A rib cracked.
He collapsed to his knees.
Zack, coughing: "Ugh... seriously? A tree branch? Am I dying again or what?!"
The pain was real. But he didn't black out. Didn't even feel dizzy. Just very, very dramatic.
Zack – dragging himself, screaming: "AAAAAAAAAAAH! This hurts! This really freaking HURTS! DAMN IT!"
Meanwhile, the same damn bee kept coming for him. Because why not.
Zack noticed it, freaked out even more, and somehow managed to yank himself free and start running again like nothing had happened.
And—plot twist—his wound had fully healed. Just like that.
Too bad he didn't notice. All he cared about was escaping the tiny winged demon. He ran straight into a river.
SPLASH!
Zack – emerging from the water, soaked: "DRIP... DRIP... DRIP... DAMNIT. I'm never eating honey again."
Just then, a sharp voice pierced the silence: "By the stars of Ellion... what in the name of sacred bark is this... naked goblin doing here?!"
Zack turned—and saw her.
Gorgeous. Silver hair. Emerald eyes. Tall, elegant... but her ears were long and pointy. Definitely not human.
Zack – panicking, covers himself with a big leaf: "Uhh... hi there, gorgeous."
DONG!
She smacked him across the head with a metal staff.
Elf Girl, disgusted: "Pervert human! Walking around naked and hitting on me?! EW."
She spat on him and turned to leave.
Zack sat up, groaning: "OW—! Damn, you really hit first and talk later. You remind me of my mom. Haha."
She turned back, squinting at his very much still-naked body.
"You filthy pervert... I swear I'm gonna kill you right now."
Zack glanced at his chest, perfectly healed. "Ooooh no you can't~ Kill meee~"
She smiled nervously. "Are you... challenging me, you soggy squirrel?!"
Zack – yawns: "Yep. I'm challenging you. 'Cause apparently, I'm death-proof now."
Elf Girl – confused: "W-What?! HOW?!"
Zack – pointing to his chest: "I got stabbed by an evil-ass tree earlier. Cracked my ribs. Look at me now!"
She stared at him like he'd lost his mind. Slowly reached for a dagger. Her thoughts:
This idiot says he's immortal? Ha. He's obviously lying. The real immortals live with the gods. Guess I'll just test it out...
THUNK!
She stabbed him straight in the heart.
Elf Girl – smug: "Hah! Not so immortal now, are ya, you creepy little squirrel."
Zack – screaming: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! IT HURTS! HOLY SH*T I'M DYING AGAIN! THAT'S THREE TIMES THIS WEEK! F**K!"
He howled dramatically... but his wound healed almost instantly.
Elf Girl – gasps: "Y-You regenerated?! You really are immortal! But how?!"
Zack didn't hear her. He was too deep in his dramatic death monologue.
"I see the light... Grandma?! I never liked your cookies!"
BONK!
She whacked him again. "Shut up, you naked idiot! You're fine!"
Zack looked at his chest, now good as new. "Umm... sorry. Got a little carried away."
"A little?! Try a LOT!"
"Okay okay, chill. Your mood swings are intense. You on your elven period or something?"
Her face turned bright red. She whacked him again. And again.
"YOU. STUPID. NAKED. CREEPY. SOGGY. IMMORTAL. SQUIRREL!"
Zack – running for his life: "AAAA! SOMEONE HELP! SHE'S IN FULL ANGRY HIGH SCHOOL GIRL MODE! OUCH! AAAAAAAA! F**K! DAMN IT!"
---
One hour later...
She finally stopped chasing him. Panting, she pointed a finger at him:
"You... You're coming with me to the Academy. Right now. I have to report you to the Elders. You're either gonna be our savior... or our biggest freaking disaster."
She threw him a cloak.
"But put that on first. Got it?!"
Zack – groaning, holding his head: "Got it, got it. Damn..."★