"Hmmm…" Kayden stirred, stretching his arms and letting out a soft moan.
He felt something hot beneath him and smelled a stench so vile it made him recoil in horror.
"Oh goodness, what's that smell?" Kayden shot up and looked around, trying to assess where the hell he was. Wait—how was he even here? Oh my gosh, no!
Was this some sort of trick? He clearly remembered running with the manuscript in his hands, so how he'd ended up here was a mystery.
As he took in his surroundings, he realized this was a strange place because none of what he was seeing looked right. And when he lifted a hand to flick away an insect crawling toward his face, he felt something sticky against his palm.
"Haah… haah…" He screamed, jumping up in horror. What the fuck?! His hands were covered in poop—and his nightmare didn't seem to be ending anytime soon, especially when he turned and saw a massive butt pressing right up against his face.
That did it. He let out a deafening scream that startled whatever creature owned the butt, and when the animal turned around—lo and behold, it was a horse.
Oh shit! Kayden hadn't expected the owner of such a gigantic butt to be an animal.
Then it hit him. He was in a stable—the poop, the horses, and the lines of straw the horses were feeding from confirmed it. But this wasn't the historical times or a zoo. Something was definitely not right.
Desperate to clean off the oozing poop from his hands, he glanced around and spotted a pale bucket nearby.
"Thank the gods—at least there's water around," he muttered.
While washing his hands, he finally noticed the towering castle behind him—and gasped.
Wait—was he seeing things now?
Oh, he got it. He probably hit his head on something hard. Yeah, that must be it. He was in a dream. At least in a dream, he could finally achieve something cool.
But wait a minute… Something crossed his mind. Didn't he… have an accident?
Gasp.
"Oh my goblin, does that mean I'm dead? Oh fuck my life. Here I am trying to get a good life, and now I'm six feet beneath the grave. Good job, Kayden," he reprimanded himself while still scrubbing his hands.
When he was done, he dried them on his garment—which, he now realized, was far worse than anything he'd worn back home.
Not only was it threadbare, but it was covered in so many patches that he was pretty sure if someone organized them properly, they could probably solve world problems.
Okay, Kayden, breathe. Now think. Where are you?
He stepped out of the stable, ignoring the way the horses stared at him, probably scrutinizing who the hell he was. But Kayden didn't care—not when he needed an explanation for which bizarre dream he'd landed in.
Then, as if struck by lightning, realization dawned on him.
His face. Oh goodness—why hadn't he noticed it earlier, when washing up, that his reflection on the water wasn't his own?
Rushing back to the same bucket, he frantically felt his face—and realized with growing horror that it really wasn't his.
Staring back at him was a perfect face, one not the slightest bit similar to his old acne-scarred face and puffy eyes, which often looked hollow from periods of starvation.
The guy he was looking at was pure perfection—skin so radiant it practically glowed like ivory (not that he'd ever seen real ivory, but novels described it this way, so he figured that was it).
And those eyes… silver. Goodness, who the hell had silver eyes in the normal world? This was getting weirder by the second. And the hair—oh fuck—it was blond, almost silvery.
And his body—he could feel it just from his waist down—it was slender and almost feminine, so unlike his previous body, which was scrawny and malnourished.
What the hell was happening? And if this was the dream world, why wasn't he in his own body?
And why did everything around him look exactly like those damned settings from historical fiction, where princes and princesses fell in love and married?
"Heeelloooo, lo lo lo…"
A voice—more like a tragic attempt at singing—rang out, snapping Kayden from his thoughts.
Oh my God, who the hell had that horrible voice? His ears were traumatized. Shouldn't the person be poisoned to avoid singing ever again? Gosh, poor music. Couldn't they realize that singing wasn't for everyone?
But to Kayden's horror, the singing continued. This time, another voice joined in, equally determined to torture his ears. That was it. Kayden wasn't about to take any more "music" from these rejected souls who seemed to be cursing rather than singing.
"You motherfuckers—can you keep your damn mouths shut?! You know your voices could wake up the dead!" Kayden yelled, directing his voice toward an open window he'd just noticed was the source of the dreadful noise.
The singers stopped abruptly. For a moment, Kayden relished the newfound silence—until he overheard some bass voices from inside, whispering angrily.
"Mom, someone interrupted us," a strangled voice complained.
Kayden rolled his eyes, glancing up at the window from his place on the lower ground. That was definitely a castle. Maybe he should go inside and see what the hell was happening.
An elderly voice, calm and authoritative, interjected.
"I'm sure the voice wasn't directed at us. No one speaks to the lady of the house that way. So, daughters, continue. We still have a long way to go."
Kayden came to the delightful conclusion that those two singing were probably cursed. Not only were they girls who were supposed to have meek, gentle voices, but they were apparently the daughters of the castle's owner. How interesting.
"Girls that sound like men. How funny will that be?" Kayden muttered to himself.
Well, he was getting bored. And with his new, admittedly gorgeous appearance, it was time to get into that castle and find out what was going on—and perhaps meet those girls with frog-like voices.
Just remembering the croaking they'd tried to pass off as singing made Kayden burst out laughing again.
Then, turning to look at two bending roads, he became confused. Which path led to the castle entrance?
But suddenly, the sound of something galloping drew Kayden's attention. He ducked behind a stone wall and peeked out—and saw a horse-drawn carriage approaching.
A horse carriage. What in the gods' names was happening here?
He could see chickens wandering around and trees of all kinds encircling the castle like a huge maze.
But what happened next shocked him to his bones.
A man wearing weird clothes, draped in layers upon layers of fabric, stopped at a doorstep. He clicked a bell that resounded loudly and then announced:
"A decree from His Highness!"
The man, who was clearly some kind of royal messenger, handed a card to a girl who stepped out to receive it—and Kayden froze.
Why did the girl's face look so damn familiar? He racked his brain, searching his memory… Yes! It was from the script! Oh. My. God. He began to freak out.
"That's Cinderella. The gold-digger of a girl. Wow. What a nice, delicious surprise," Kayden exclaimed, a malicious grin spreading across his face.