Chapter 5: They Offered Divine Ore, I Asked for Chili Oil Instead?!
The sun rose lazily over the Crimson Cloud Mountains, its light glinting off the enchanted mist like gold on silk. Birds chirped. A distant volcano sneezed. Somewhere, a spirit cow mooed in confusion.
And at the boundary of the Red Zone, the Sky Sect delegation remained kneeling in fear and reverence, surrounded by their peace offerings.
Inside the courtyard, Ayan was chewing on a spirit bun, watching the scene like someone watching a particularly weird morning drama.
"Hey, Lan Yueru," he asked between bites, "is this normal? People showing up at your door with treasure and calling you a great one?"
She was massaging her temples. "Only if you're a living calamity. Or a retired war god. Or... you."
"I'm just a guy who likes stew."
"Your stew vaporized a spy last night."
He scratched his head. "Oh. That's what that boom was?"
Lan Yueru looked at him like he'd just tried to boil tea with lightning.
Sky Sect – Still Bowing
Elder Mei, whose knees were not built for humility, whispered, "Sect Master, we cannot kneel here all day. The moss is starting to whisper."
Lan Tian replied through gritted teeth, "We will kneel until he grants us an audience. Or forgiveness. Or both."
Just then, Ayan ambled closer to the barrier, holding a steaming clay pot.
"Hey, uh... Sky Guys? You said something about golden potatoes?"
Lan Tian raised his head, instantly formal. "Yes, Great One! As a token of respect, we offer a dozen Spirit-Grade Golden Earth Potatoes, ripened under celestial flame, and–"
Ayan reached over, grabbed one with chopsticks, and popped it into his mouth.
"Mmm. Crunchy."
Lan Tian froze.
Then Ayan held out the clay pot. "Want soup?"
The Sky Sect almost ascended on the spot.
Beast Sect – Emergency War Council
An entire stone wall had been reduced to rubble from one elder's outburst.
"He gave soup to the Sky Sect?!"
The Sect Leader's expression darkened. "It's worse than we feared. The boy is beginning to build alliances. First our spy, now diplomatic soup."
"Should we... send soup back?" someone offered hesitantly.
"No. We send an emissary. Someone who can appear non-threatening."
The entire hall turned toward the tiny, hyperactive junior disciple known as Mo Mo — short, loud, and known to throw peaches at senior cultivators when bored.
"...Why is everyone looking at me?"
Mansion – Afternoon
Lan Yueru was now sipping tea on the porch, watching Ayan lecture a turtle.
"No, you can't sunbathe in the stew pot. Yes, I know it's warm. That's the point."
The turtle blinked, snorted, and waddled back to the pond.
Yueru murmured, "I still can't believe this place. The plants hum. The pond glows. Even your herbs smell... transcendent."
"Oh," Ayan said. "That's the Enlightenment Mint. If you steep it too long, you see your past lives."
She dropped the teacup.
Then the pigeon, who had been reading a talisman upside down, flapped wildly.
Ayan turned. "Oh, guest incoming."
Red Zone – Perimeter
A tiny figure bounced toward the barrier, waving two flags and a lunchbox.
"HELLO! I'M MO MO! I COME IN PEACE AND WITH PICKLED PEACHES!"
Lan Tian squinted. "That's... a Beast Sect junior. Alone?"
Ayan waved back. "Cool! I like pickles."
Yueru grabbed his sleeve. "That's a Beast Sect spy! What if it's a trap?!"
Ayan blinked. "I mean... if she hands me food, I can't say no. That's the law of hospitality."
"Whose law?"
"The stew law."
Later – Courtyard Picnic
Mo Mo, now seated happily in the courtyard with her lunchbox open, passed out spicy pickled fruits like peace offerings.
"I heard you have a radish nuke! Can I see it?!"
Ayan offered her some glowing soup. "Only if you eat this first."
Lan Yueru looked like she was experiencing an aneurysm.
Mo Mo slurped it down. "WoooOOOW! This tastes like lightning and hugs!"
The spirit cat yawned.
The turtle sneezed.
And overhead, the sky cracked.
A ripple of spatial distortion twisted the clouds into a spiral. The light dimmed.
Lan Yueru stood up, alarmed. "That's not natural. Something's coming. Something huge."
Mo Mo dropped her spoon. "OH NO. I FORGOT TO TELL YOU."
Everyone turned.
She smiled sheepishly.
"Uh... my sect might've accidentally awakened a sealed Demon King to impress the elders."
Ayan blinked.
"…Did they try to feed it pickled peaches?"
"No," she said, wide-eyed. "They gave it soup made by someone else."
Ayan stood slowly, brows furrowed.
"Oh no," he said gravely. "Bad soup."
To Be Continued…
Would you like Chapter 6 next? It could include:
The Demon King crashing a soup tasting event
Ayan reluctantly fighting using culinary-grade vegetables
The Beast Sect desperately trying to recruit Mo Mo back while she just wants more radish salad
A divine cooking contest as the solution to impending doom
Let me know your flavor preference! 🍜