"Finally, I found the production issue. The goddamn customer was passing the header as the sheet row, instead of the data points, so the extension couldn't calculate the results."
The glowing clock on his monitor blinked 01:43. Alex pushed his last commit, slammed his laptop shut, and surveyed the battlefield of empty Monster Energy cans scattered across his apartment floor. He kicked past a couple on his way to bed.
"It's okay. It's all gonna pay out in the end," he murmured, pulling on a worn beanie. He slid under the covers.
"Just $40,000 away from buying that little shed by the lake. I can already smell the fresh waters and roasted fish."
Suddenly, a blinding flash of lightflared in his window. He rubbed his eyes, groggy and disbelieving.
"Is that a mushroom cloud? God, I'm working too much..."
A wave of searing heat consumed him, and the world went silent.
The searing heat vanished as abruptly as it appeared, replaced by an absolute, crushing void. No pain, no sound, no light. Just... nothing. Alex drifted, a single consciousness untethered from a body, a life, a dream.
Then, a pinprick of light. It grew, slowly at first, then accelerated, pulling him through an endless, shimmering tunnel. Consciousness returned, clearer than ever, stripped of the fatigue that had plagued his last life.
He stopped, not falling but simply _being_, in a space of boundless, shifting starlight. Pillars of nebulous light stretched into an infinite zenith, and soft, resonant chimes echoed from unseen distances. Before him stood a figure, robed in luminescence that made their features indistinct, yet exuded an aura of ancient, weary power.
"Soul number 6f766572706f7765726564, your life is no more. An unfortunate event, really. I didn't intend to blow up your entire city, really. I spread my powers to save as many of you as I could, but you were the only one affected," the figure said, their voice so ancient it felt like it could wither those that heard it.
Alex stared at the cosmic being, then grasped at his non-existent hair and screamed.
"For fuck's sake! I was almost saving enough money to retire, to live my quiet, mundane life fishing, and you dumbass had to kill me?! No, no, no, no! You will pay for this! Send me back, now!"
Golden veins pulsed on the being's indistinct forehead, and a flash of anger crossed their luminous face.
"Calm down, you donut! I know I messed up, I will send you down again, don't worry. I'll even give you some gifts, so we're even."
As the being spoke, space around Alex warped. The shimmering starlight dissolved, replaced by a cavernous room vaster than anything he had ever conceived. Walls stretched into impossible distances, lined with glowing pedestals holding items of indescribable power and strangeness.
"Gosh, this is huge," Alex muttered, his voice echoing in the immense space. "I don't know what any of this is, though, so how will I even know what to pick?"
"Oh, yeah, that's true. My bad," the being replied, sounding genuinely apologetic. "I'll use one of your options to give you this: [Divine Eye of Essence]." A pulsating, purple blob materialized in mid-air, then shot towards Alex's left eye.
"Ahhhhhh, it hurts, for God's sake!" Alex cried out as a million flickering lines of text, symbols, and diagrams exploded across his vision, overlaying reality.
His gaze fell upon three of the pedestals closest to him:
---
[Primordial Dragon Sword]
Sword used by an unnamed god on the Ancient Battlefield war. 1.3 trillion lives were slayed and absorbed by the sword.
---
[Samsara Pearl]
Pearl used by the Original Buddha. When activated, all life in a radius of a million miles are healed and restored to their peak.
---
[Ancient Titan Bloodline]
Bloodline source of the ancient titan race. Whoever absorbs it will acquire the source bloodline of their race.
---
"Come on, who are you even kidding?" Alex scoffed, ignoring the pain in his eye and the overwhelming descriptions. "What do you think this is, a game? Just give me a fishing rod and a bag to hold fish. Oh, and I better wake up on a shed by the lake, with shorts, slippers, and a floral shirt. Hurry, hurry, let's go!"
The cosmic being sighed, a sound like grinding galaxies. "Fine, fine! Honestly, humans and their strange fixations." With a wave of their hand, the glowing pedestals vanished. In their place, two new items shimmered into existence before Alex.
"This," the being gestured to a staff that seemed to absorb all light, yet glittered with infinitesimal stars, "is your [Void Fishing Rod]. It casts into the very fabric of existence, allowing you to reel in treasures, fragments, and perhaps even... entities... from the spaces between worlds. Guaranteed catch, as per your odd request."
Next, the being nudged a small, nondescript leather pouch. "And this is your 'bag.' It's called a [Fisherman's Satchel]. But for you, since you insisted on such specific, pedestrian comforts..." The being rolled its eyes, though its features remained indistinct. "Consider it a pocket dimension. And yes, your 'shed' is in there. Fully furnished with the clothes you so vividly described. Inside your shed's domain, you'll find an intuitive storage ability for whatever fish you manage to catch."
Alex felt a sudden, familiar pull, a sense of being stretched thin across reality. The cosmic being's form blurred.
"Now, off you go. And try not to get blown up again, you hear?" the voice echoed, fading.
The light engulfed Alex, and the profound silence of the celestial court was replaced by the distant, soothing sound of lapping water.