Chapter 8: The Treasure Heist, the Clown's Fury, and the Butler's Dance
[SYSTEM MESSAGE: NEW ADVENTURE PATH INITIATED. NEXT TARGETS: ORANGE TOWN & SYRUP VILLAGE. RECOMMENDED ACTION: ENGINEER DEATH. ACQUISITION: CHOP-CHOP FRUIT & PUSSYFOOT MANEUVER. SECONDARY GOAL: MAJOR WEALTH ACQUISITION.]
"Orange Town and Syrup Village. Two-for-one death special! Buggy for the Chop-Chop Fruit, and Kuro for his speed. And, perhaps most importantly, lots and lots of money to 'acquire.' Nami's going to love me. Or try to kill me. Either way, it'll be a lively day on the Merry."
After the chaotic recruitment drive in Shells Town, where I officially became the Straw Hats' first mate (mostly because I declared it, and Luffy was too busy being amazed by my rubberiness to argue), things settled into a bizarre rhythm. Luffy was, well, Luffy. Zoro was a sentient napping machine with a penchant for getting lost. And I? I was the new kid on the block, the one who could stretch, bounce, and generally freak people out by pretending to die.
"So, you're telling me," Zoro grumbled, stirring from a nap on the deck of the Going Merry, his solitary eye cracking open, "you just... died? And then came back? With his power?" He gestured vaguely at Luffy, who was currently trying to eat his own foot, convinced it was a giant piece of meat.
"Pretty much, Roronoa," I replied, stretching my arm to snag a piece of dried meat from Luffy's discarded rations, much to his indignant squawk. "Think of it as a really elaborate, very painful magic trick. Ta-da! Now I can stretch. It's great for reaching things on high shelves. Or, you know, punching bad guys. Whatever floats your boat."
Our first destination was Orange Town, and as we sailed, my compass, my ever-present harbinger of chaos, pointed with unwavering certainty towards the island. It wasn't pointing to treasure, or adventure, or even a good place to grab a snack. It was pointing directly at a giant, clown-nosed pirate flag.
"Alright, Buggy. Prepare to be thoroughly annoyed. And possibly robbed blind. It's nothing personal, really. Just professional development. And a desperate need for Beri. My system has expensive tastes, apparently. Like, 'buy a small country' expensive."
As we approached Orange Town, the familiar, ramshackle buildings came into view. And with them, the sight of a beautiful, fiery-haired woman. Nami. My future nemesis. Or, more accurately, my future financial manager who would despise my methods but grudgingly appreciate the results.
"Alright, crew," I announced, leaning against the mast, "looks like we've hit the jackpot. Or, you know, the clownpot. Whatever. This place is probably brimming with unsuspecting gold, just waiting to be 'relocated' to a more deserving owner. Namely, me."
Nami, who had been meticulously mapping the incoming currents, spun around, her eyes narrowing. "Gold? What gold? And what do you mean 'relocated'?"
"Oh, just a little re-distribution of wealth, Nami-swan," I said, giving her a charming (or so I thought) smile. Sanji, if he were here, would probably have kicked me already. "Think of me as a philanthropic venture capitalist. I find neglected assets, and I… liberate them. For the good of the crew, of course."
Nami's face was a masterpiece of barely contained fury. "You wouldn't dare! That's my gold! I find it!"
"Relax, princess," I said, waving a dismissive hand. "There's enough plunder for everyone. Besides, I have a special talent. A knack for finding things. And by 'things,' I mean 'massive piles of cold, hard cash.'" This was where the Storage Ring came in. Subtle, unassuming, and utterly perfect for a career in professional thievery.
The Merry docked, and as soon as our feet hit the shore, the chaos began. Luffy, predictably, made a beeline for the first person he saw, demanding to know where the meat was. Zoro, predictably, wandered off in the opposite direction, probably towards an impending nap. And Nami, predictably, started sniffing out any and all potential treasure.
I, however, had a different agenda. My compass was practically humming, directing me with laser-like precision towards Buggy's circus-themed base. And more importantly, to his treasure hoard.
"Alright, Storage Ring," I whispered, giving the plain silver band on my finger a tap, "time to earn your keep. Let's go liberate some shiny things."
Navigating Buggy's base was surprisingly easy. The man was more obsessed with his grand pronouncements and flashy entrances than actual security. I slipped past his incredibly incompetent crew members, who were mostly just arguing about who got to polish Buggy's giant nose. The compass led me straight to the main tent, and then, down into a surprisingly deep, surprisingly unprotected underground vault.
"Seriously? This is it? A wooden door and a single, bored-looking guard who's currently trying to teach a trained lion to juggle? Buggy, you're making this too easy. It's almost insulting. Almost."
I dealt with the guard (a simple rubber-punch to the face, nothing too strenuous, though he did try to slash me with a butter knife, which my Gum-Gum power easily absorbed) and then, with a flourish, flung open the vault door. And there it was. Piles of Beri, gold, jewels, and various other trinkets. It was a pirate's dream. Or, in my case, a system upgrade's dream.
"Oh, you beautiful, beautiful mounds of ill-gotten gains," I murmured, practically drooling. "You're going to fund so many strategic deaths. And maybe, just maybe, a really nice hat for Robin. After she's my wife, of course."
I activated the Storage Ring. It pulsed with a faint, ethereal glow, and then, with an almost imperceptible whoosh, the treasure began to vanish. Piles of gold coins blinked out of existence. Chests full of jewels simply… weren't there anymore. I worked quickly, efficiently, scooping up everything that wasn't bolted down. In minutes, the vault was practically empty, save for a few stray dust bunnies and a surprisingly resilient spider.
"Alright," I said, patting my pockets, which felt no heavier despite holding enough wealth to buy a small island. "Operation: Financial Freedom, Phase One, complete. Now, for the main event."
My compass, satisfied with my thieving prowess, now pointed directly at the commotion outside. Buggy. And the Straw Hats. Perfect.
I sauntered back out, whistling a cheerful tune. The fight was in full swing. Luffy was doing his rubbery thing, Zoro was inexplicably lost in the middle of a crowd of Buggy's cronies, and Nami was… well, Nami was looking furious. Probably because she hadn't found any treasure yet.
"Ah, Nami-swan!" I called out, waving cheerfully. "Looks like you missed the party! Don't worry, I saved you some of the… good stuff." I winked, a mischievous glint in my eye.
Nami's head snapped towards me. Her eyes, already narrowed, practically became slits when she noticed my unburdened demeanor. Then, she saw the empty vault door. And then, she screamed.
"YOU! YOU STOLE MY TREASURE! I WAS GOING TO GET THAT! YOU FILTHY, LOOTING, SYSTEM-UPGRADING THIEF!"
"Ah, the sweet sound of Nami's rage. It's like music to my ears. Mostly because it means I'm doing my job right. And by 'job,' I mean 'making her life a living hell while simultaneously funding our adventures.' It's a delicate balance."
The commotion attracted Buggy's attention. He was currently in pieces, flying around, making a general nuisance of himself. His nose, however, was still very much attached to his face and quivering with indignation.
"Who dares steal from Captain Buggy?!" he shrieked, his voice oddly high-pitched.
"Oh, that would be me, Captain Clown-Nose," I said, taking a dramatic bow. "And I must say, your security is… well, it's certainly a choice. A bad choice, but a choice nonetheless."
Buggy's various body parts coalesced, his face contorting into a mask of pure, unadulterated fury. "You… you stole my treasure! My hard-earned Beri! I'll chop you into a thousand pieces!"
"Oh, really?" I asked, a challenging smirk on my face. "Because I'm pretty sure you're incapable of chopping me into a thousand pieces. I'm rubber, remember? It just bounces back. Though, if you want to try, be my guest. I'm always open to new experiences. Especially if they involve acquiring your powers."
[SYSTEM MESSAGE: KILLER DETECTED. BUGGY. RECOMMENDED ACTION: ENGINEER DEATH. ACQUISITION: CHOP-CHOP FRUIT.]
Buggy roared, his hands detaching and flying towards me, followed by his feet, and then his entire torso. He was a whirlwind of dismembered limbs, each one aiming for a different part of my body. Luffy watched, bewildered but entertained. Nami, meanwhile, was still too angry about the stolen loot to fully process what was happening.
"Chop-Chop Festival!" Buggy shrieked, his hands slashing through the air.
"Alright, Buggy boy," I said, not even bothering to dodge. "Let's see what you got. Just try not to get too attached to your, you know, everything."
His hands, sharp as blades, sliced through my rubbery form. I felt… nothing. No pain. Just a brief, dull pressure as his detached limbs passed through my body.
"What?! Impossible!" Buggy screeched, his nose twitching violently. "You're supposed to be chopped up! Why aren't you chopped up?!"
"Because I'm rubber, you nitwit!" I yelled back, feigning frustration. "You can't cut rubber! Didn't you learn anything in clown college? You need blunt force! Like, say, a giant cannonball to the face!" I stretched out an arm, wrapped it around his coalesced body, and pulled him in close. "Now, if you really want to kill me, you're going to have to get creative. Or, you know, find a really big hammer."
This, apparently, was the wrong thing to say. Buggy's rage reached a fever pitch. He shrieked, his detached body parts converging into a furious, multi-limbed tornado. "You dare mock Captain Buggy?! I'll show you creativity! Chop-Chop… Grand Festival!"
He lunged, his entire body rotating at an impossible speed, a blur of limbs and a furious, red nose. This time, instead of simply passing through, I felt a sharp, intense pressure. Not pain, but a sudden, violent displacement. My vision blurred. The world spun. And then, again, darkness.
[SYSTEM MESSAGE: DEATH RECORDED. KILLER: BUGGY. ABILITY ACQUIRED: CHOP-CHOP FRUIT. REVIVAL INITIATING. PLEASE WAIT.]
"Bingo. Chop-Chop Fruit. Perfect. Now I can be immune to sharp things AND stretch. I'm practically invincible. Or, you know, just really annoying to fight. Either way, win-win."
I opened my eyes to the chaotic scene. Buggy was still mid-rant, his body parts still spinning. Luffy was still watching with wide-eyed amusement. Nami was still fuming. And I was lying on the ground, seemingly untouched.
I slowly sat up, then, with a mischievous grin, detached my own hand and waved it at Buggy. "Boo!"
Buggy froze. His spinning body parts halted. His eyes, already bulging, seemed to pop out even further. "You… you can… you can chop yourself?!"
"Well, look at that!" I exclaimed, reattaching my hand with a satisfying thwack. "Turns out, you gave me a pretty neat parting gift, Buggy boy. Now I can be a human jigsaw puzzle. Wanna play?"
Buggy, for the first time, looked genuinely terrified. He stammered, his nose turning a shade of purple usually reserved for bruised plums. "Th-that's impossible! Two Devil Fruits! And… and you just… revived!"
Luffy, naturally, was even more fascinated. "He's amazing! He's rubber AND he can chop himself!"
Nami, however, was still focused on the main issue. "I don't care what weird powers he has! He stole all the treasure!" She stomped over to me, her finger practically touching my nose. "You are going to give that back, Adam D. Vane, or I swear to all that is holy, I will chop you into a thousand pieces!"
I just chuckled, a truly evil, mischievous sound. "About that, Nami-swan… it's all safely stored. For the crew, of course. For our adventures. And for my very expensive system upgrades. Don't worry, you'll see it again. Probably. Eventually. Maybe."
Her face went from fury to sheer, unadulterated despair. "You monster!"
"Just doing my part, Captain Thief," I said with a shrug.
The Going Merry set sail once more, leaving Buggy and a traumatized Nami behind. Our next destination was Syrup Village, and as we approached, my compass began its familiar hum, pointing steadfastly towards the island. The system's prompt for Kuro's "Pussyfoot Maneuver" was particularly intriguing. Speed. Yes. I could definitely use more speed. My current combat strategy involved mostly standing there and letting people hit me, which, while effective, wasn't exactly graceful.
"Alright, Kuro. Time to dance. A deadly, choreographed dance where I end up dramatically biting the dust. Don't worry, I'll be back for an encore. And possibly your cool glasses."
As we approached Syrup Village, it became clear that something was amiss. The villagers were… jumpy. And then there was Usopp, the self-proclaimed captain of the Usopp Pirates (which consisted of three utterly adorable, if slightly bewildered, children), yelling about pirates and giants.
"Ah, Usopp!" I exclaimed, spotting the long-nosed storyteller. "My main man! How are the tall tales going? Any new adventures to embellish?"
Usopp, startled, nearly jumped out of his skin. "Who are you?! And how do you know my name?! Are you one of Captain Usopp's eighty million followers?!"
"Something like that," I said, a mischievous grin playing on my lips. "Though I'm more of a 'future crewmate' kind of guy. And speaking of future crewmates, you seem to be in a bit of a pickle. Something about a butler with a killer manicure?"
Usopp's eyes widened. "You know about Klahadore?!"
"Oh, I know all about Klahadore," I said, giving a knowing nod. "Or, as he's more commonly known, Captain Kuro. The super-speedy psycho with the cat claws and the penchant for backstabbing. Don't worry, though. We're here to help. And by 'help,' I mean 'Luffy's going to punch him, Zoro's going to slice him, and I'm going to strategically get killed by him for research purposes.'"
This, understandably, did not reassure Usopp.
The next few hours were a whirlwind of confusing exposition, Luffy's unwavering belief in Usopp's honesty, and my subtle attempts to position myself for the inevitable confrontation with Kuro. The showdown came, as expected, in the forest, near Kaya's mansion. Kuro, having shed his Klahadore disguise, stood revealed in all his terrifying, clawed glory.
"You fools," Kuro hissed, his glasses glinting ominously. "You dare interfere with my plans?"
"Your plans are boring, Klahadore!" Luffy declared, ready for a fight. "And you're a bad butler!"
"Indeed," I chimed in, stepping forward. "Seriously, dude, if you're going to commit grand larceny, at least make it interesting. And maybe invest in a better hair product. That helmet hair is not doing you any favors."
Kuro's eye twitched. "You! You're the one from Shells Town! The one who defied Captain Morgan! You're an annoyance!"
"Oh, I'm much more than an annoyance, Kuro," I said, stretching one arm out, then detaching it and letting it float in the air. "I'm a force of nature. A chaotic good-ish element. And right now, I'm here to experience the exquisite pain of your 'Pussyfoot Maneuver.'"
[SYSTEM MESSAGE: KILLER DETECTED. KURO. RECOMMENDED ACTION: ENGINEER DEATH. ACQUISITION: PUSSYFOOT MANEUVER.]
Kuro's expression hardened. He took a single, silent step, then vanished. The "Pussyfoot Maneuver" was indeed impressive. He was a blur, a whisper of motion, appearing behind Zoro in an instant, then next to Luffy.
"Whoa. That's fast. Like, 'just finished my coffee and I'm already at the office' fast. I could definitely use that. No more tripping over my own feet. Or, you know, getting hit by slow-moving cannonballs."
"Impressive," I said, my voice barely a whisper as he reappeared directly in front of me, his clawed hands raised. "But can you do it while juggling chainsaws?"
Kuro, clearly unused to such brazen mockery, attacked. His claws, razor-sharp and infused with his unnatural speed, were a whirlwind of steel. I didn't even try to dodge. This was a death I wanted. A death I needed.
The first few slashes were like sharp gusts of wind. Then, a sudden, blinding pain, a searing agony across my chest as his claws ripped through flesh and bone. I gasped, falling back. My rubbery body resisted, stretched, but the sheer force and sharpness of his attack were too much. My vision began to tunnel.
"Fool!" Kuro snarled, his eyes gleaming behind his glasses. "You're nothing but a distraction!" He unleashed another flurry of attacks, a horrifying dance of death. My body, already mangled, was reduced to ribbons. The last sensation was the tearing of my very being, a shocking, agonizing experience that still managed to feel… purposeful.
And then, glorious darkness.
[SYSTEM MESSAGE: DEATH RECORDED. KILLER: KURO. ABILITY ACQUIRED: PUSSYFOOT MANEUVER. REVIVAL INITIATING. PLEASE WAIT.]
"Oof. That one stung. A lot. Definitely not as clean as the cannonball. But hey, no pain, no gain, right? Now, time for the grand re-entrance. And perhaps a bit of petty revenge."
The world snapped back into vivid, painful focus. I lay on the ground, seemingly untouched, the sounds of battle raging around me. Kuro was still a blur, attacking Luffy and Zoro. Usopp was screaming. The children were huddled together.
I slowly sat up, a triumphant grin on my face, despite the phantom aches. I felt… lighter. Faster. A strange sense of agility coursed through my veins. I could still stretch, still chop, but now, there was a new sensation. A whisper of motion.
"Hey, Kuro!" I called out, my voice clear and strong. "You forgot something!"
Kuro paused, his blur of motion momentarily stilling. He turned, his eyes narrowed, expecting an attack.
Instead, I vanished. Not a stretch, not a chop, but a pure, unadulterated blur of speed. I reappeared directly behind him, mirroring his signature pose, hands clasped, glasses glinting.
"Pussyfoot Maneuver, much?" I whispered in his ear, a triumphant smirk on my face.
Kuro gasped, his eyes wide with disbelief. "Impossible! You… you copied my technique?!"
"Something like that," I said, then blurred away again, appearing a few feet away. "Turns out, you're a pretty good teacher, sensei. Though, I still think your hair product is atrocious. Seriously, invest in some conditioner."
Luffy, meanwhile, was doing his usual, "Whoa! He's fast too!" routine. Zoro, for his part, actually looked impressed, though he'd never admit it.
"You… you're a monster!" Kuro shrieked, his composure completely shattered. He lunged at me again, fueled by desperation and rage.
"And you, Kuro, are a terrible butler!" I retorted, dodging his furious attacks with newfound ease, a graceful, almost taunting ballet of motion. I could see his attacks coming, predict his movements. It was exhilarating. "Seriously, you had it made! A nice, cushy life, a hot meal every day, probably a pension! And you threw it all away for… what? More money? Dude, just ask me, I've got a ring that makes money disappear into my pockets. I could have taught you a thing or two about efficient wealth redistribution."
Kuro was now a gibbering wreck, his attacks becoming wild and uncoordinated. He was no match for a rubbery, choppable, super-speedy immortal who also happened to have a knack for annoying people.
Eventually, Luffy delivered the final, satisfying blow, sending Kuro flying.
As the dust settled, Usopp, who had watched the entire spectacle with a mixture of terror and awe, finally found his voice. "You… you're amazing! You're… a superhero!"
"Just your friendly neighborhood immortal, Usopp," I said, giving him a wink. "Now, about those tall tales… I've got a few new experiences to add to your repertoire. Like, say, the time I died, came back, and then became super-fast. It's a real crowd-pleaser."
Nami, however, was still staring at me, a new, complex emotion swirling in her eyes: grudging respect mixed with utter exasperation. "You are officially the most annoying person I have ever met. And the most terrifying. You just… died! And then got back up and started moving like that!"
"It's a gift," I said with a shrug, still feeling the thrilling hum of my new speed. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find some actual food. All this dying and reviving makes a guy hungry."