The field was set.
A marble courtyard, summoned by divine paperwork, stretched beneath a sky that shimmered with approval stamps and formal seals. The banners of "Heroic Duel (Section 7, Sub-Clause 13-B)" flapped proudly in a phantom breeze.
On one side stood Aurelis, Chosen Hero of Aurekind, gleaming with sacred fire, textbook posture, and a perfectly polished sword he named Valiantsoul.
On the other side stood Kazuki Kirigawa, chosen by no prophecy, wearing a mildly cursed scarf, holding a stick he thought was a sandwich, and accompanied by a smiling slime with unknowable power.
The audience?
Undead skeletons, two gods on unpaid break, three confused pigeons, and the entire slime cult of Smile, chanting rhythmically:
"Ka-zu-ki! Ka-zu-ki! May the noodles guide your feet!"
The Rules Were Simple:
No lethal blows.
No outside interference (Smile looked away whistling).
No bending space-time unless approved.
Emotional honesty is mandatory.
Jiko-sama raised his divine clipboard. "BEGIN."
Phase One: Textbook Heroism
Aurelis launched forward.
"FLAME ASCENSION BLADE: STRIKE OF JUSTICE!"
A vortex of fire spiraled from his blade, launching a flaming arc across the field. Birds turned into roast dinner midair.
Kazuki, meanwhile, slipped on a banana peel someone (probably himself) had dropped earlier.
He stumbled forward, ducked under the flame by pure accident, rolled, bounced off a rock, and came up behind Aurelis with a dazed expression.
"Uhh… Sorry! Didn't mean to—WHOA!" He tripped again, this time slamming into Aurelis' back.
CRASH!
Aurelis face-planted into the marble, flames sputtering.
The crowd gasped.
Smile jiggled in applause.
Skeleton drummer: Ba-dum tss.
Phase Two: The Clash of Intent
Aurelis scrambled up, flushed with rage. "You're mocking me!"
"I swear I'm not!" Kazuki cried, brushing soot off his scarf. "I just tripped! Again!"
"You're not even taking this seriously!"
Kazuki hesitated. "…What if this is me taking things seriously?"
That gave Aurelis pause.
Only for a second.
Then came the second wave of textbook maneuvers.
"Divine Dance of Blazing Petals!"
His blade split into five fire images. They darted like meteors.
Kazuki panicked.
"I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DEFEND AGAINST THAT—"
Then he slipped on Smile's jiggly form (placed there on purpose? Who knows), launching himself into the air.
BOING!
The fire petals missed completely.
Instead, Kazuki accidentally grabbed a falling banner and spun midair, landing—knees bent, arm raised like a gymnast pose—on Aurelis' head.
THUNK.
Silence.
Then:
"…10/10 landing," murmured Taka.
Phase Three: Emotional Honesty Activated
Kazuki scrambled off Aurelis.
"I'm sorry, okay?! I didn't mean to win!" he said. "You're… honestly amazing! You've trained so hard, and I keep tripping through life like an anime blooper reel!"
Aurelis, groaning, sat up.
His hair was singed. His sword had melted slightly.
But the tears in his eyes weren't from pain.
"You… don't understand," he muttered.
"All my life, I trained to be the hero. Every day. Every rule. Every lesson. And then—you. You appear out of nowhere with your… clumsiness and smiles and skeletons in bands."
Kazuki looked at him, quiet for once.
"I never wanted to be a hero," he said softly. "I just wanted to travel. But then one weird thing led to another, and people kept calling me one."
He looked away.
"I mess things up. Constantly. But people keep following me anyway. And somehow… things turn out okay."
Aurelis stared at him.
Then—unexpectedly—he laughed.
It was hoarse, dry, and surprised even him.
"Maybe… maybe you really are a hero," he muttered.
Kazuki tilted his head. "Wait. Was that… forgiveness?"
"I said maybe, idiot."
Smile gave them both a thumbs-up. He didn't have thumbs. He made them appear just for this moment.
Audit Result: PASSED
Jiko-sama cleared his throat.
"The emotional arc has concluded. Duel: complete. Fate balance: still… incomprehensible. I approve this outcome."
Divine sparkles fell like snow.
Aurelis sighed.
Kazuki offered him a rice ball.
"Truce?"
"…Only if it has spicy mayo."
"Deal."