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CRASH.
Something hit the wall. Hard. Then the floor. Another crash followed. A book. A cup. A pen.
I didn't know what I was throwing. I didn't care.
My hands were trembling. My heart was pounding so loudly that it hurt.
The silence around me only made the noise inside me louder.
I was alone. In my room. In my head. In my heart.
"Why?!" I screamed.
"Why am I like this?! Why can't I do anything right?! Why can't I stop feeling like this?!"
I was screaming, but no one heard.
Or maybe they heard… but they didn't care.
I stood frozen, breathing heavily. My eyes burned. My throat hurt. My knees gave in and I dropped to the floor.
I hugged myself tightly as if trying to keep all the broken pieces of me together.
Tears poured again, even though I thought I had none left.
"Why do I always ruin everything?"
"Why does no one understand me?"
"Why does it always have to be me?"
I hated myself in that moment.
I hated the world too.
I hated how everything I said was always misunderstood.
I hated how they looked at me like I was dramatic.
I hated how my feelings were always too much… or never enough.
They only saw a girl who snapped.
They never saw the girl who held it in for too long.
I was tired.
Tired of pretending.
Tired of being "okay" just to make others comfortable.
Tired of being invisible when I was hurting the most.
I sobbed harder.
"I didn't ask to be born," I whispered.
"I didn't ask to be this way."
And then silence.
The kind of silence that presses on your chest and makes it hard to breathe.
I sat there, curled into a ball, my back against the wall, head on my knees. My mind raced, my heart felt like it would burst.
I was breaking down. I was broken.
But in that silence, something soft whispered inside me.
Something small… but strong.
"You are not weak."
"You are Phoenix."
"You will rise."
I lifted my head, just a little. My cheeks were wet. My breath shaky.
But that voice inside me—it didn't stop.
"You will not stay broken. You may be shattered now, but you will gather every piece. You will heal. You will rise from these ashes."
And that's when I remembered my name.
Phoenix.
Not just a name.
A promise.
A warning.
A beginning.
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