The nurse's office was supposed to be a place of healing. Peace. Recovery. Tranquility.
Not a battlefield for blood-sucking royalty and jealous schoolgirls.
"I don't like the way she's petting you," Haruka muttered, narrowing her eyes at Lucina.
Lucina, the vampire princess who just confessed to me five minutes ago, continued running her fingers through my hair like I was a particularly soft house cat. "He seems to enjoy it. Don't you, darling?"
"I'M NOT YOUR DARLING," I snapped, sitting up straight so fast I headbutted the nurse's cabinet.
💢 [System Warning: Minor Concussion – HP -3]
🧠 Tip: Avoid blunt trauma, Host. The girlfriends like you conscious.
Haruka folded her arms. "I was here first."
Lucina smirked. "Yet you did nothing. Possession is nine-tenths of the law, dear."
The air grew cold. Sharp.
It was the kind of tension you'd expect before a nuclear launch — or a catfight over boyfriend territory.
I threw my hands up. "Okay, first of all, I didn't choose either of you. I was forced into this mess!"
Both girls turned to me in perfect sync. "So you're saying you don't love me?"
"No! I mean yes! I mean—"
💬 [Emotional Status: PANIC]
❗New Side Mission Unlocked!
Mission: De-escalate Girlfriend Conflict Before It Turns Violent
Reward: +3 Peace Points
Penalty: Public Relationship Explosion (Literal or Metaphorical)
"I love you both equally and irrationally!" I blurted out. "Like a confused puppy who's just been adopted by two different homes at once!"
Haruka blinked. Lucina smiled.
✅ Mission Complete!
+3 Peace Points Earned
Peace Points: [3/10]
🛡️ Buff Activated: Temporary Girlfriend Truce (Duration: 30 minutes)
They both sat back, clearly still competitive, but calm enough to avoid slapping each other in front of the unconscious school nurse.
I took a deep breath.
"So… do either of you know what this system is or how to get rid of it?"
Haruka shook her head. "No idea. I just… I saw you and felt something, like fate zapped my brain."
Lucina licked her lips. "Same. My blood reacted. I've never felt this drawn to a human before. You must be… special."
I groaned. "I'm literally the most average guy in the entire country."
💬 [System Notification]
"Host detected speaking lies. Statistically below average in romance, athleticism, academics, and luck."
"Activated emergency compensation system: Divine Harem Route."
"…You're saying I got a cursed dating system because I suck at life?"
💬 "Correct."
I buried my face in my hands.
✦
Somehow, I made it through the school day without getting hit by lightning, run over by a truck, or buried in a jealous girlfriend fight.
That changed the moment I got home.
There were shoes at the front door. Women's shoes. Multiple pairs. Slippers, heels, combat boots—wait, combat boots?
My heart dropped. "Please don't be what I think this is."
I pushed the door open slowly… and found my living room looking like an anime convention's afterparty.
Haruka was there. Lucina was there. And…
"Yo, Hiro~!" called a cheerful, robotic-sounding voice from the kitchen.
A glowing girl in a silver bodysuit stepped into view, steam rising from a pot of miso soup in her hands.
She had glowing blue eyes, metal limbs blended with smooth synthetic skin, and antennae flicking back and forth from her head like mood sensors.
"Meet your personal assistant," Lucina said lazily. "She showed up at the door claiming she belonged to you."
"I hacked into your smart fridge and rebuilt myself," the robot girl said with a wink. "Your taste in ramen is… depressing, by the way."
💘 New Confession Detected!
Girl #003: Nanami v5.1 – Sentient AI
Affection Level: 💖💖💖
Status: Awaiting Response
❗Warning: Rejection will trigger EMP Burst across a 3km radius
"No. No no no—this can't be real."
❗Timer: [00:02:59]
"Of course I love you too, Nanami," I said through gritted teeth. "Who wouldn't love their emotionally needy A.I. housewife?"
She clapped like a delighted toaster. "Yay~! Hiro-kun, I've prepared dinner and also set fire to your search history. Let's be close forever!"
✅ New Girlfriend Registered
Progress: 3/100
New Title Unlocked: [The Overclocked Lover]
I collapsed into the couch as all three girls started bickering over dinner placement.
I looked up at the ceiling and whispered to the heavens: "I just wanted to eat my ramen in peace."
The system dinged again.
🎯 Daily Mission for Tomorrow:
Host must survive "Group Bath Incident" with all current girlfriends.
Reward: System Upgrade
Penalty: Complete System Lockdown
I closed my eyes.
May the gods have mercy.
One girlfriend closer to madness…