Chapter 4: The Sushi Challenge and the Art of Annoying Menchi
The second phase of the Hunter Exam was, for Adam, less about survival and more about culinary exasperation. Menchi, the gourmet Hunter, with her fierce temper and even fiercer knives, stood ready to judge their cooking skills. And Adam? Adam's cooking skills amounted to successfully boiling water without burning the house down.
" Well, this is just great. My 'Basic Knife Proficiency' might help me chop an onion without crying, but it certainly won't help me turn a giant pig into a Michelin-star meal. And my 'Enhanced Sense of Smell'? Perfect for determining if my dish is actually edible or just a biological weapon. "
The challenge: prepare a pork dish from the Bizarre Pigs they had just hunted. A chorus of confused grumbles rose from the applicants. Adam, however, had an idea. Not to win, necessarily, but to cause delightful mayhem. And maybe, just maybe, provoke Menchi into a very specific kind of death.
"Alright, everyone!" Adam announced, clapping his hands together as he approached the cooking stations. "Listen up! I've cracked the code! The secret to a perfect Bizarre Pig dish is… suspension of disbelief! You just gotta believe it's delicious, even if it looks like something the cat dragged in!"
Menchi, standing imperiously, narrowed her eyes at him. "What are you blathering about, kid? This is a serious exam!"
"Oh, it is, it is!" Adam insisted, picking up a cleaver with surprising confidence (thanks, Basic Knife Proficiency!). "But art requires passion, no? And what's more passionate than serving a dish that questions the very fabric of reality? I'm thinking… interpretive pork. Abstract pork. Pork that makes you feel things, even if those things are nausea and profound confusion."
He proceeded to butcher his pig with more enthusiasm than skill, producing cuts that defied anatomical logic. He then started throwing ingredients into a pot with reckless abandon. Spices, herbs, some suspicious-looking mushrooms he'd 'foraged' (read: found lying on the ground). His 'Enhanced Sense of Smell' was screaming at him that this concoction was an abomination, but he ignored it. Art demanded sacrifice, after all.
"So, Menchi," Adam called out as he stirred his bubbling, vaguely purple concoction, "is there a bonus for originality? Because I'm pretty sure no one has ever attempted 'cosmic horror pork stew' before."
Menchi's eyebrow twitched. "Just cook, kid!"
Leorio, meanwhile, was having a meltdown trying to figure out how to even approach the pig. Adam sidled over. "Psst, Leorio. Pro tip: just tell it you're going to use the money from its sale to fund a medical school. Pigs are surprisingly empathetic about higher education."
Leorio gave him a bewildered look. "What are you even talking about?"
"Oh, nothing, nothing," Adam said innocently. "Just brainstorming. Hey, speaking of brains, have you considered using the pig's brain? Apparently, it's a delicacy in some cultures. Just don't ask which ones. The less you know, the better for your mental health."
He returned to his station, his mind buzzing. He needed to die here. But not just any death. He needed Menchi to kill him. Her skills were culinary, yes, but her temper could be a weapon. He needed something from a high-level Gourmet Hunter. Maybe 'Masterful Flavor Perception'? Or 'Perfect Ingredient Manipulation'? That would be truly useful.
He plated his 'dish' – a lumpy, grayish mass emitting a suspiciously sweet-and-sour odor. It looked like a science experiment gone horribly wrong. He carried it over to the judges' table, a beatific smile on his face.
"Presenting," Adam announced with a flourish, "my masterpiece: 'The existential dread of a pork chop.' It's designed to challenge your preconceived notions of what food is. Is it sustenance? Is it art? Is it… just a really bad idea?"
Menchi stared at the plate, her face a mask of barely contained fury. "What in the world is this, kid?! It looks like a swamp monster threw up!"
"Precisely!" Adam beamed. "It evokes emotions, doesn't it? Disgust, confusion, perhaps a touch of primal fear. I aimed for a culinary experience that transcends the mundane. A journey, if you will, into the very soul of a pig… after it's been brutally dismembered by someone who watches too much anime."
Menchi's eye began to twitch uncontrollably. Buhara, the other judge, wisely kept his distance.
"You call this cooking?!" Menchi roared, her voice rising to a dangerous pitch. She slammed her hand on the table, making the plate jump. "This is an insult to Hunters everywhere! To food! To the very concept of taste buds!"
"Oh, I wouldn't go that far," Adam said calmly, though inwardly he was pumping his fist. Yes! More anger! Let the rage flow through you, Menchi! "It's an acquired taste. Like… durian, but with more layers of psychological trauma. Perhaps you're just not… evolved enough to appreciate its subtle nuances." He gestured grandly at the gray lump. "Notice the texture? The way it seems to… gaze back at you?"
That was the last straw. Menchi snapped. With a furious roar, she grabbed one of her enormous, razor-sharp cleavers and lunged across the table. "You obnoxious brat! I'll teach you about subtle nuances!"
" This is it! This is my moment! Go for the throat, Menchi! Or, you know, anywhere. Just make it count! "
Adam didn't even flinch. The cleaver descended with terrifying speed. He saw the flash of steel, the fierce determination in Menchi's eyes. This was perfect. This was exactly what he wanted.
The blade bit deep, right through his chest. It was swift, surprisingly clean, and excruciatingly painful. His vision swam. Menchi's enraged face was the last thing he saw before the world went black.
[ ** SYSTEM MESSAGE: UNIQUE DEATH DETECTED. SKILL ACQUISITION INITIATED. ** ]
[ ** SYSTEM MESSAGE: ACQUIRED SKILL: [D-RANK SKILL] MINOR ILLUSION. ** ]
" WHAT?! Minor Illusion?! From Menchi?! Are you telling me that behind all that culinary fury, she's actually a master of subtle visual trickery?! This system has a twisted sense of humor! I was hoping for something like 'Gourmet Sense' or 'Master Chef' but no, I get 'make things look slightly different'. "
Adam gasped, sitting bolt upright in his usual respawn spot in the inn room. He was alive. Intact. And he felt a strange, tingling sensation in his fingertips, like he could almost… bend light. He tried it. He focused, concentrating on his hand. For a split second, it seemed to shimmer, to distort, before returning to normal. It was faint, barely noticeable, but it was there. A Minor Illusion.
" Well, at least it's not 'Enhanced Sense of Smell' again. And hey, illusions! Think of the pranks! The possibilities are endless! I can make Leorio's briefcase look like it's full of rubber chickens! This is going to be amazing! "
He grinned, a mischievous glint in his eye. The Hunter Exam was turning out to be quite the skill farm. And with a new ability like 'Minor Illusion,' the game had just gotten a whole lot more interesting for Adam Richter, the world's most annoying, death-prone illusionist.
He heard the loud, annoyed voice of Menchi outside his window. The exam must still be going on. He had better get back. He knew Netero would intervene, so the exam would continue. He just had to find his way back to the main group. And maybe think up some new ways to annoy his friends with his newfound illusory powers. The world was his oyster. A slightly blurry, distorted oyster.