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[Josh POV]
'Fucking pigeon cunt!!!' I couldn't help but curse at the bitch who made me experience this.
The freaking wind tore at me like a whip. I couldn't move, couldn't slow down. My arms and legs flailed—not that I could do anything with them. Everything was useless. Why can't I stop falling? What the hell is happening?!
Then everything slammed into me.
SPLASH!
The water hit like a goddamn wall. My chest slammed against it hard. I expected my body to explode—or at least my ribs to cave in and pain to surge through me like hellfire. Well… I did feel pain. But it was weirdly low for what should've been a death sentence.
I swallowed water. 'Ptui! Salty as fuck!... Ugh, damn this baby body.' But… I didn't choke. Wait—why the fuck can I still breathe?! What the hell?
My head spun, vision blurred by the water.
I sank fast, tumbling underwater. Where's up? Where's down? —What's going on? My limbs twitched, but I couldn't control them. 'Move, damn it!'
The current dragged me sideways. Rocks scraped my back, something grazed. My wings? 'Huh? Wings? I fucking got wings!?!'
After being at the mercy of the sea for a while, I finally hit the shore—hard—scraping against stone and sand. The waves pushed and pulled me until I was half on land, half still in the water.
My chest heaved. Not like before—I was alive. Somehow… still alive.
'Alive? I really survived that fall... just how?'
I felt the pain—but it was minimal, really. Compared to what I expected, it was laughable. A fall like that would've killed anyone. Quite easily too, but here I was. Almost fine… except for some aching all around my body, and a fucking migraine. 'Ugh... My head feels like it will split.' I could hear my ragged breath, and feel my frantically beating heart pounding like a war drum in my chest.
With a weirdly light effort, I turned my body around, laying on my stomach as my half-lidded, blurry eyes took in everything around me—sand, rocks, and dirt. Everything started to get clear. Or at least, as clear as it could be in this shitshow.
GROWL!
My stomach twisted painfully—way more painful than anything that fall did to me. I was starving. Considering I wasn't fed after being born and got tossed down a fucking cliff by one of those pigeon cunts, I shouldn't be surprised.
My hands moved frantically, clawing at anything. I was in desperate need of food—anything to fill my gut. My hand brushed against something hard. Looking at it, it was obviously just a rock.
'Where the fuck would I even get food here?'
Still, I kept holding the rock, thinking about food—anything would do as long as I got something in my mouth. I was ready to eat dirt if necessary just to ease the gnawing pain in my gut.
GROWL! GROWL!!
'Fuuuck~ my stomach hurts. Ugh... Food! Anything! Even a piece of bread would do!'
I was in full panic mode. I couldn't process anything except the need to eat. I needed food, and I needed it now.
Then I felt something. Something weird.
The rock in my hand didn't feel so hard anymore. It felt… warmer. Puzzled, I looked at it—and lo and behold—it wasn't a rock anymore. It was… a piece of bread?
'What the actual fuck—am I hallucinating?!'
I thought maybe I was losing my shit. Maybe it was the hunger messing with my head. But the pain in my stomach said otherwise.
'Screw it. I have to try—even if my brain's bullshitting me.'
I closed my eyes, shakily raised the piece of bread to my now open mouth, and took a bite.
I TOOK A BITE?!
It was freaking real. Bland. Soft. Bread.
I didn't have teeth to chew, so I just let my saliva soak it until it turned mushy enough to swallow. I kept munching and rolling it inside my mouth until it was soft enough, and then—gulp.
Gone.
I continued eating until I finished the whole thing. My hunger subsided… a bit.
Not enough.
I laid there, still twitchy, and started to think.
'So here I am, reincarnated in this new life… but the question is: did I really get dropped into the world of Mushoku Tensei?'
I remembered putting Heaven Continent as my spawn point. I had read some spoilers about the world itself. But now I realized how fucking dumb it was to pick a place that's basically unexplored.
Guess I'm paying for my own ignorance now.
That aside—what about powers?
I tried to feel something. Anything.
But… nothing.
Disappointment hit.
'Yeah… of course. Would be stupid to give me everything I asked for... not right... away?'
Then something clicked.
'Wait! Maybe it's a gradual process? I just turned a rock into a piece of bread—does that mean I've got the Kuku Kuku no Mi active?! It was one of the devil fruit powers I asked for!'
I looked around, slightly excited now, and picked up a few rocks scattered nearby.
'Let's see… something soft… I can barely think straight… banana maybe?'
'Nah, that's gay… Alright, let's make it mashed banana then.'
I held two rocks in my hands and shut my eyes tight, thinking of mashed bananas.
It took several seconds before I felt something. My hands felt moist, sticky, and something oozed between my fingers.
I opened my eyes finding my mashed banana in hand, I smiled, more like smirked and couldn't help crack a joke—'Good old mashed monkey food. Saves me the shame of deep-throating the Yellow One, even if no one's watching.' And right then shoved my face eating it.
I then turned another two rocks to applesauce, big mistake it slipped between fingers on the sand, spilling more than half of it, so I cupped my hands to prevent what little remained of it from spilling on the sand, I ate, and ate until I finally had my fill, and I barely only have few rocks left.
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Full at last! But what to do now? I am a newborn all alone on a shore and nowhere to go.
I couldn't help but notice I crawled effortlessly before. Could I stand and walk? If I got what I wished for, then my existence is ridiculous enough to enable me doing that.
I looked at my legs then my arms, I put my hands on the sand and pushed myself up almost losing balance and falling backward. 'Woah! Let's take it easy... I need to pace myself, but I did stand up right away. Now let's take some steps.'
I started moving one leg raising and moving it forward before placing it down, repeating the process, and I am walking, raising the bar I started to quicken my pace and I am running! 'Woahooo! I'm not even a day old and already walking and running! Hahaha! I'm the best there is!'
I'd been running around like a headless chicken or an idiot for a more accurate term, then I stopped. 'Hehe~ barely tired, but what should I do?'
Legs pumping, heart pounding. I finally flopped down on the sand, chest heaving slightly, ready to bask in my own greatness. That's when it hit me—sand. Directly. Grinding. Against my bare ass.
I shifted. More sand. Very gritty. A sudden breeze skittered across my back, slipping down between my sweet baby cheeks like it knew all my secrets. I froze. Looked down. Nothing. No pants. No diaper. No damn thing.
'I'm frigging naked!–'
I blinked a few times. 'Wait... am I supposed to be wearing something? Hmm. Doesn't feel like it, but it kinda should, right? Weird.' I looked around. Nothing. Just me, the sand, and my butt getting seasoned like a steak.
I stood, turning in circles like a confused puppy. I wanted to shout, really, but all that would come out was some kind of angry wheeze. Stupid newborn lungs. Then I saw it. Flapping at the top of a dead tree like it was taunting me—a blanket. MY blanket. My only possession. My dignity wrapped in thread and patches.
I stared at it, emotionless while it flapped.
'Oh. Oh, you think you're better than me now?'
It flapped harder.
'You climbed up there just to avoid being on my ass, didn't you?'
I stared for a moment, hollow inside.
'You... you ragged piece of crap!'
The wind picked up, making the blanket dance like it was mocking me. Without thinking, I charged. I slapped my hands on the tree trunk and tried to climb. It didn't go well. I barely got a bit over my height before my hands slipped, and I tumbled down with a grunt, belly scraping the rough bark.
I shook my fists, but I wasn't done. I grabbed a branch, pulling myself up again, thinking, 'Alright, I got this.' Then—
SNAP!
'Motherfu!—'
I didn't get to finish before I hit the ground, head bouncing off the dirt.
Lying there, I blinked up at the sky and thought, 'Well, that was stupid.' But I'm not giving up. I moved slightly but then I felt it.
A sharp poke right where the sun don't shine.
My eyes shot open.
'Oh hell no. That's low, tree. Real low.'
I sat up, wiped dirt from my face. 'You're going down, tree. One way or another.' I grunted while scratching the spot.
I picked up the stick that had dared to poke me, and gripped it. I didn't even think. Just hurled it full-force at the tree out of pure spite.
It whistled through the air like a javelin shot from hell—
—and missed completely.
It flew straight past the tree, smashed into a nearby rock, and shattered into many splintery pieces.
I blinked.
'…Damn. Okay. Bit of an arm on me. Although good riddance, you butt-poking twig.'
I puffed up a little, then turned to walk off like a legend. Didn't even look back.
Big mistake.
My foot caught on a rock buried halfway in the sand.
THUD!
I faceplanted. Full impact. Nose first. Sand blasted up into the air like I'd set off a baby-sized landmine.
My legs twitched behind me. I could feel sand in my mouth, up my nose, between my fingers, and places I didn't even know I had.
I didn't move for a moment. Just laid there like a defeated pancake.
'…I hate this beach.'
I peeled my face off the ground, spat out half a mouthful of sand.
Now I was mad.
Forget smart plans. Forget tools. I was going full beast mode.
I stomped over to the tree, grabbed the trunk, and started climbing again. Fast. Angry. Stupid.
This time, I didn't fall. I hit the first branch, swung up like a monkey on fire, and threw myself higher with raw brute strength.
The tree creaked under my weight, but it held, although some branches broke off.
The blanket was still above. Just out of reach.
I bared my teeth.
'You better pray I don't grab you.'
I climbed like a madman.
No hesitation this time — just rage-fueled momentum and raw muscle strength. Every branch bent under me like it was rethinking its life choices, but I powered through.
Higher. Higher.
There it was — my blanket, snagged on a dry branch near the top, flapping gently in the wind like it hadn't betrayed me.
I locked onto it.
'My precious.'
I hooked my leg over a thick limb, leaned way out, stretching one arm toward the cloth. So close. The branch under me creaked loud, but I didn't care.
I reached.
Fingers brushed it.
I lunged — got it.
Victory.
'I win, sucker! Who's naked now?!'
But I didn't let go of the branch in time.
It didn't like that.
SNAP!
The branch gave out with a loud crack, and I plummeted like a rock — blanket clutched triumphantly in both hands, screaming internally the whole way down.
WHUMP!
Flat on my back, a puff of sand burst around me exactly like a crash landing. Blanket still in hand. Arms splayed. Eyes blank and barely any discomfort from the fall.
Silence.
I raised my hand clutching the ragged blanket 'Worth it.'
I shook the sand off the cloth, held it out like I was about to summon storms, and began wrapping it around myself.
One fold over the shoulder.
Another under the arm.
A tug at the waist.
The blanket draped down to my knees like a proper toga.
I tied it off near the hip, stood up tall—short, but tall—with all the dignity of a miniature Greek god.
'And lo... I am clothed.'
A seagull cried somewhere in the distance, I understood it was crying 'Idiot! Idiot!!' out but I just ignored it.
I stood there, wrapped in my dusty blanket toga, staring out over the beach like I'd just conquered a kingdom.
My face was half dirt. My butt still itched.
But I had my blanket.
I was whole again.
I took a breath and nodded to myself.
'All this… for one piece of cloth. But I'm now officially the strongest one-day-old in history.'
A pause.
'...Still no underwear, though.'
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END OF CHAPTER
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• Author Note:
So what do you guys think? I hope you liked it so far.