"What?! No adoption eligibility?"
"That's correct."
Inside a modest office at Forest Home Orphanage, nestled on the outskirts of New York, the headmaster sat stiffly behind his desk, explaining in a no-nonsense tone.
"Adoption isn't something we take lightly. We need to ensure that Emma receives genuine care, a stable environment, and the essentials of a healthy family life. Also—"
"I got it, I got it."
Rango didn't have the patience for this old guy's monologue. He'd rushed here right after landing, and it wasn't to hear bureaucratic roadblocks.
He pulled out his checkbook and held up a finger. "Let's simplify things. How much would I need to donate to take my niece home? Ten thousand? Twenty?"
The headmaster arched an eyebrow at his attitude and spread his hands. "Then I'm afraid I can't help you, Mr. Winchester. Even if you're willing to donate, that alone doesn't qualify you to adopt. Frankly, I don't think you're ready to be her guardian."
"Dyum," Rango muttered under his breath. This guy was stubborn as a mule. And yet, oddly enough, the fact that the headmaster wasn't swayed by money and stayed true to his duty... it earned Rango a small sliver of respect.
The room fell into a heavy silence.
Then Ted, who had been quietly enjoying the show, suddenly raised a paw. "How about fifty thousand?"
Before the headmaster could reply, Ted added, "Come on! That kind of cash could buy a apartment and a vaccinated bitch. Don't tell me you can't even get one girl in New York!"
The moment the words left his mouth, the headmaster's face turned grim. His eyes locked on Ted with thinly veiled disgust.
"I've seen you on TV. Ten, maybe fifteen years ago, you were the darling of advertisers and variety shows. But I also heard about your downfall, drinking, racial remarks, getting blacklisted. At first, I thought it was tabloid trash... but now?" He chuckled coldly.
Ted's face froze. When Rango had first summoned him, Ted had enjoyed a brief period of fame. He was everywhere: talk shows, commercials, late-night skits. National icon wasn't a stretch.
But just like Edward Furlong, Lindsay Lohan, and Macaulay Culkin, it didn't last.
Things really went downhill when he got accused of racist remarks against squids and a few other groups. After that, Hollywood shut him out. Drowned in breach-of-contract fines, Ted vanished from the spotlight.
"Ahem."
Rango coughed, nudged the fuming bear aside, and turned to the headmaster.
"Fine, just tell me what I need to do to qualify for adoption."
The headmaster shrugged, then laid out the criteria: stable housing, a legal job, and a suitable home environment.
Finally, he looked Rango straight in the eye. "We don't place children into the care of unemployed drifters. So, Mr. Winchester, my suggestion is simple: get a job."
"…Got it."
Rango nodded, grabbed the still-muttering Ted by the arm, and started toward the door.
But just as they were about to leave, the headmaster called out from behind:
"Um, Mr. Winchester… about that donation you mentioned. You weren't kidding, were you?"
"…Tch. You are one hell of a shrewd dick."
Outside in the courtyard…
On a quiet swing, a girl in a black dress sat still, her face emotionless, as if disconnected from the world. She exuded a chilling aura that warned strangers to keep away. But the moment she saw two familiar figures walking toward her, her cold exterior melted into the sweetest smile.
"Emma." Rango knelt beside her, gently patting her head. His voice was soft, laced with guilt. "Your headmaster says I need a job before I can take you home… so you might have to stay here a little longer."
"It's okay, Uncle."
Emma leaned quietly against his shoulder, her voice soft and comforting. "I'll wait right here until you come back. The headmaster and the others are nice people, so don't worry about me."
"That's good to hear." Rango gave her a gentle pat on the head and a peck on her forehead. "Give me two weeks, tops. I'll have a house and a job lined up, and then you're coming home with me."
After a few more words of reassurance, he stood up, nodded, and walked away with Ted.
Top priority now: buy a place and find work.
As their figures disappeared down the path, the smile slowly faded from Emma's face.
She returned to the swing, crossing her legs and lightly tapping her heel on the ground, deep in thought, or perhaps quietly waiting for something… or someone.
---
Queens.
Under the dull orange glow of a streetlamp, Rango and Ted sat on a weather-worn bench, each with a beer in hand and a cigarette between their lips.
Ted was the first to break the silence. "So, what's the plan now? Job hunting?"
"No rush."
Rango exhaled a lazy smoke ring, brows furrowed in thought.
Since dropping out of college, he'd been working in Africa as a Dream Guardian, basically a bodyguard inside the dream world. In terms of skills, all he really had were fighting and shooting.
Finance? Healthcare? Law? Never even touched that stuff.
If he had to get a legit job now… what would he even apply for? A shooting instructor? He didn't even have a license for that.
Just then, a loud voice from down the block caught his attention.
"Come look at these jewels, these bags, my brother just liberated 'em from Manhattan!"
"What? You think they're fake? Man, look at my skin! You think I'd sell fakes? You know how expensive counterfeits are to make?!"
"You can question my character, but don't you dare question the quality of my goods!"
"Come on, buy something! Yes, that's it, move your left foot forward. It's called walking!"
The seller was a short, dark-skinned man, the kind of tone that practically screamed authenticity. Heck, some of the product boxes still had footprints and bloodstains on them, built-in anti-counterfeit proof.
But what shocked Rango wasn't the merchandise… it was the man himself.
"Kevin?"
The vendor froze, eyes narrowing, then widened in disbelief as he recognized Rango.
"R-Rango?!"
"Ha! I knew it was you, Kevin!"
Rango strode over and grabbed the guy into a playful headlock, ruffling his tightly coiled hair with his free hand.
"Look at you, running your own business now! What's the world coming to? Still remember your big bro?"
"Sh*t, man! We're BFFF! How could I forget you?!"
Kevin struggled out from under Rango's arm and started punching his shoulder with excited shouts.
"God damn! The infamous Rango of Queens is back, baby!"
Rango chuckled at the title, equal parts nostalgic and absurd, just as Ted frowned and asked, "Wait, what the hell is BFFF? I've only heard of BFF, Best Friends Forever. Is that a new term for some gay shit?"
Rango and Kevin exchanged a knowing grin and shouted in unison,
"Best Fu*king Friends Forever!!!"
—
Emma, Rango's niece, is based on the character from the movie "The Bad Seed 2018, portrayed by McKenna Grace.
Ted is from the movie "Ted 2012."
Cobb is from "Inception 2010."
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