Catherine
It seems like whenever I start thinking that everything's going to be alright, life makes a fool out of me for expecting too much.
Maybe my mother was cursed by one of those unsatisfied customers that gave one-star reviews on Yelp.
At least that reason would've been acceptable.
Looking up from my plate full of what I could only assume was some kind of fancy piece of tuna, I contemplated on what my comeback would be after he said the words that would eventually end this farce.
Come to think of it, I didn't even like tuna.
"It's not you, it's me."
Seriously? It seemed like he couldn't bother thinking of a better excuse.
If I were in some heavy drama, I would have stood up, had a staredown with him, slapped him after some line about him regretting this, and left with a choir singing I Will Survive as I walked out of this establishment.
Of all the words he could have said to me, he chose that line?
"It's just that you've been so busy and we barely see each other-"
"And that's why you slept with my sister?" I asked, fixing my glasses on the bridge of my nose. It was a mere whisper but judging from how he shifted uncomfortably on his seat, he heard me.
I just couldn't bear it anymore. The last one had the dignity to tell me straight up that I was boring. That it felt like dating his grandma and he was tired of it.
Glen, on the other hand, made me feel special. Made me feel like I actually had a shot at this. Of course the illusion of finally having someone vanished when I saw him sticking his tongue down my sister's throat.
Oh they didn't know I was there. Glen worked in the construction business and was on site when I decided to do something nice and surprise him, give him a little something to eat.
I walked into the tent the crew told me was Glen's and voilà! There they were. My sister's skirt hiked all the way up her waist while Glen's hand was somewhere else. I couldn't see well but I sure as hell could tell where it was. So I backed away slowly and drove back to my office like I just buried my ex-husband and I was on the run. So much for three months.
Well, at least it lasted for three months. That's a record in and on itself.
I smirked, seeing Glen's ears turn pink. I didn't catch them actually doing it but only an idiot would assume that they would stop after the hanky panky.
"I...I tried to stop her before but-"
"Wait, what?' I wiped the corner of my mouth with a napkin even though I could feel the inside of my mouth was drying up as fast as my patience.
' What do you mean by before? She tried seducing you before and you didn't tell me before. So you're telling me this...now?" I stared at him in disbelief as his ears turned as red as his tie.
"You weren't there okay? I needed you and you just wouldn't let me ..." he said, looking at his plate.
"I let you kiss me." I winced. Good grace, I sounded like a schoolgirl.
He smiled, looking like he just ate a soft, sour raisin.
"Yeah, you let me kiss you. On our fifth f*cking date. I mean who does that? Who still does that? You're too stuck up with those books that nobody even buys. Everyone's gone digital! Nobody's going to wait that long anymore, Catherine. If you love me, you show me." He was pressing a finger on the table like what he said could convince me to give in.
"By what Glen? By getting naked? By getting it on at work?" I put my fork down this time and looked him straight in the eye. I wouldn't trust myself with any utensils at that moment.
"That's one way. Look, baby," he tried reaching for my hands but I calmly placed them on my lap. "You just have to loosen up a little. Let me touch you, love you. You'll like it, I promise. I'll be really gentle."
It took a lot from me not to throw my plate of food at his face. I decided that no matter how much of a douchebag he was, the chef's apprentice must have heard a lot of yelling before this dish was even served.
"No, Glen. This isn't going to work. You already screwed my sister. What do you think this is? A buy-one-take-one deal? If your idea of loving me is only getting between my legs then I guess it really is you and not me. I may be stuck up, but I respected your schedule, your work. I listened to you whine about your problems but did I complain? No. Because you were important to me. I respected you. You said you understood, and that you could wait. Well, if this is how we're going to be until I give in to your request, I'm sorry. I'd rather be stuck-up and read all day than be with you and worry that you're making out with some girl just because I said no." I got up, nodded at him, and placed a couple of bills on the table for the food I ate. I was officially single, might as well act like it.
I was almost at the door when a woman entered the restaurant.
You know, an absolute head-turner. I looked down at myself and winced. I just had to go right after a meeting. This kind of attire wouldn't make Glen feel like he lost something that could be the best thing he could ever have. Glen might be thinking he just dodged a bullet. I looked up to see that the other men were looking at her.
She just couldn't wait for even a minute until I could at least step out?
"Audrey." Not wanting to look like a sour lemon, I gave her a small smile. Maybe I was secretly hoping she'd prove Glen wrong.
"Catherine!" She looked surprised at first, but flashed me a wide smile. I was almost praying that she was just meeting a friend. Instead, she continued her stride, her eyes fixated on what was ahead of her.
I risked taking a glance and saw her kissing Glen full on the lips. The guy had the audacity to look me in the eye afterward.
I wasn't mad at her really. Well, not anymore. I accepted it long ago that people have free will. They will do as they please, or whatever benefits them. Glen decided that Audrey would please him and I was too reserved to scream at their faces and call them cheaters. I for one know that Audrey's confident I wouldn't cause a scene.
Or you're just being a pushover like always.
Audrey looked and sounded that she could do nothing wrong. The dimples she had on each cheek every time she smiled at me when we were kids was enough to make me forgive her most of the time. Of course, she can't dimple her way out of this one. That's the frustrating thing about all this. I'm pretty sure she already convinced herself that she did nothing wrong. So really, there was no need to apologize.
Between us, I, Catherine Wright was who they endearingly labeled as the bland one. I had to wear glasses early because I spent hours locked in my room, reading. My brain could take all the information but my eyes clearly couldn't. So by the age of nine, I was called 'four eyes' by most of the kids in third grade. That didn't stop me from staying up just to finish a good book. When I got older, I got the job I wanted. Work-wise, I'd say I'm quite happy. But I wasn't really any fun at parties. Not that anyone invited me aside from the mandatory company gatherings.
Meanwhile, Audrey was always the one to get a pat on the head. Was always the one who got attention without even trying. While I was patted on the shoulder. You can see the difference from there. I liked the books that I got for my birthday. Really, I did. But I also liked the things Audrey liked. Like dolls and magazines about teen idols or maybe a dress with enough beads to make a hundred bracelets. .
I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not mad at her alone. After all, it takes two to tango.
At a young age, I knew that a person's success depended on their outlook in life. So instead of feeling sorry for myself, I accepted the fact that I'm not going to be noticed like how people noticed Audrey. I pounded it in my head that I may be noticed for something else. I never was a fan of the pity card.
I studied, not really having any time to go out. My parents were concerned, of course. My sister and I were like fire and ice. Audrey was the warm glow that attracted people while I was the one who isolated myself from everyone. I didn't intend to do that. I wanted friends. But who would want to be friends with a girl who talks nonstop about wars and knights. At that time, nobody understood.
Over time, I conditioned myself to interact with people without both parties establishing some sort of connection. I have one friend now who practically barged her way in my life, Rose. Bless her.
I never smiled, but I was never rude. It just felt like if I smiled, people would think I'm assuming we could be friends. And as ridiculous as it sounds, it scared me.
Friends were for Audrey.
Achievements were for Catherine.
My shyness was misinterpreted as me being cold. And my awkwardness was called being 'withdrawn'. I can get into a meeting with fellow employees without them really knowing me. I wasn't exactly the coworker you ask on what their plans are for the weekend. And I was okay with that. I was more than okay with that. I'm not really the type to hang out with my colleagues outside working hours.
People, especially men, wouldn't notice me the way they noticed Audrey.
And I was okay with that.
I might end up as a cat lady.
I was okay - I'm working on being okay with that.
I read books about everlasting love that could go against all odds. I read them almost every day. But I was never one to believe it could happen to me.
I'm a book enthusiast, I had my mind set that what happens in books wouldn't happen in real life. I thought I had it with Glen. I was wrong. Romance books were portals to places where heartaches didn't last long and everything turned out alright in the end.
Life has a book too.
It's called reality.
And reality will make you realize that nothing and I mean nothing, can go as planned. Sure, it's going to make you think that you can have your way, but then it'll laugh, slap you hard, and shout 'Psych!'.
I have plans though. And I have this habit of having reminders.
They're called reality checks.